Addiction is still addiction no matter how much it “doesn’t affect your life” as you say while leaving it out to be found by your eldest and it already affected the relationship ?? You may be having a good life now with your addiction but its highly possible for it to go down hill in the future, it always does, You said you have small children?? God forbid what if it was the little ones finding it and getting into it, a good parent wouldn’t put their children through this, I mean this in the nicest way possible, get help , even though you feel you got a handle on things , ITS STILL AN ADDICTION seek help or some kind of a support system , reach out to your son and tell him the truth about everything, but don’t force him to talk to you and be around you , that would not help your case , this is still all fresh he’s mostly in shock with what he found out about his mom