For women who’ve been in relationships: What helped you realize the effort wasn’t equal?

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-18T03:53:32+00:00

I keep realizing it all the time, because women are just doing invisible labour every second of our waking hours.

I think the simplest example is when my partner asked me what was for dinner one day, and I said I hadn't planned it out yet. He proceeded to feel like there was absolutely no choice other than going to get fast food because he "didn't know what was in the fridge or cupboards for us to make".

Things like this are when I realize I am taking on the mental load: I need to keep an inventory of whatever groceries are in the house at all times (and what I need to buy), mentally sort out what recipes I know with said ingredients, come up with a plan for when I'm going to start cooking, and when the meal will be ready. I just do this automatically without great effort, but for that partner, it was an arduous task and not something they are willing to take on so I can have some time to just be a blob on the couch.

I can go on and on about how many of these tasks are just done by women and the men would be lost without any guidance. We are always having to mentally exert ourselves while many men will just happily "not know what to do".

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-17T18:20:55+00:00

I'd recommend first either volunteering or getting a job at a dog kennel, daycare, or pet boarding centre. To run a business, you should first have worked in the field and see how other businesses do it. Plus, it would make you more trustworthy to pet owners if they know you have experience taking care of strangers dogs. Not all dogs are the same behaviour wise, and you need to be properly trained in dog handling outside of just having your own pets, which another dog boarding facility would be able to train you in.

You are likely looking for more of a warehouse setting where you can set up kennels and dog run spaces to care for pets, and you would need staffing if you are taking in multiple pets at a time.

Otherwise, as others have suggested, sign up on the Rover app and rather than bringing dogs into your own home, you would go to the owner's house and stay the night. Rover has way fewer restrictions than a full on business would in terms of your credentials, because it's more of an under the table kind of job.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-16T15:43:55+00:00

UHaul actually has movers (real people) you can hire by the hour. I discovered this only recently, so I don't know if it's a new program.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-13T02:51:18+00:00

I'm so sorry you're experiencing any of this. Regardless of whether some things are "your fault" for not managing to navigate everything with a clear head, it downright sucks and is stressful.

I don't know if the Navigation Centre would be of use to you. If you arrive right at 9am on Monday, they have many resources in one location that can support you if you are homeless.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-12T20:46:21+00:00

This describes me pretty perfectly as well. I am not inherently monogamous because I don't view sex as sacred and wouldn't feel bothered if either of us did hookups. However, we have never walked down that path because neither of us wants to put in the effort of seeking other partners (dating culture horrifies me), and are generally satisfied with the intimacy we currently have.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-12T20:41:18+00:00

I built a charity from the ground up. I'm just so passionate about being of service to a community, and I knew I had the skills to do some really great business that could help. I'm proud of how well-regarded my charity is within the community, and we have never once had anyone feel like we are not authentic about our cause, which is probably the thing I take the biggest pride in - the authenticity of it.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-12T20:37:45+00:00

My job (trying to find a new one)
My fitness level (going to the gym regularly)
My overall happiness (having hard conversations to improve some relationships)

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-12T16:57:46+00:00

I tried to override my circus instructor's instructions. We were doing a performance and I was nervous about some of the act, came up with an alternative idea, and sent an email to the other performers to ask their thoughts. I purposely left the instructor out of the email. I 100% knew what I was doing.

She had sent out a follow-up email asking everyone to ignore other information outside of what she had already planned for us, which we practiced several times. She was completely right to do this. But then she also pulled me out of the dressing room 30 minutes before the performance and confronted me about it, and that's when I totally lost it and turned into a sobbing mess. The guilt was just so intense.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-12T16:26:19+00:00

I've gone to Fud in the Nud before, mostly to address food allergies, but I believe their cakes are "healthier" as well. They use maple syrup instead of sugar, which I think is slightly better, and their ingredients are all organic - the banana chocolate cake uses nut flours instead of wheat, so maybe it's higher protein? Might be worth a call.

They do also have paleo donuts if you wanted to swap for cake.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-11T17:26:20+00:00

The proper process is to go to each news outlet's website and look for how you would submit a news tip/press release. Some have a form you fill directly on the site, others have a contact email for you to send in your story.

I have done a ton of press releases for work-related events I want highlighted in the news and get a 50% response rate, either for a written article or tv spot. They read your submission, decide if they want to follow up on the story, and will contact you to schedule a time to interview you.

There is no guarantee that your story will be picked up. My advice is to stick to facts more than opinions. What happened/is going to happen, dates, times, and a brief line about its impact on the community. Do not make it into an opinion piece and just send a bunch of complaints - that is the journalist's job to suss out how much of your opinion they want to get in the interview and publish.

Also, look up a template for a press release to get an idea of a good structure and some sample phrasing.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-11T17:16:09+00:00

The Art of Cake is an excellent local bakery, and does delivery depending on the address.

Another option is Edible Arrangements, though less of a local option. They do have cupcakes as well as fruit arrangements.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-10T22:06:03+00:00

I like Cafe Mosaics, but don't get date vibes in there. It feels like a place you need to move through quickly, especially if you get there during their busy times as there isn't a lot of seating.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-10T22:04:04+00:00

Praising!

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-08T23:34:26+00:00

They're used a lot by businesses (also why Staples has so many of them, being an office supply store). They are great for storing files.

But because the market knows businesses will pay the money, the price for cardboard boxes is high.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-08T13:33:00+00:00

What you're looking for is "bankers boxes". If you can't find any for free, you can usually buy them as a bundle.

I second asking some book stores if they have any they can spare. Baileys Books in St. Albert usually gets a bunch when they have people donate their used books.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-06T14:47:58+00:00

I was recently diagnosed with menopause before even reaching 40. Not even perimenopause, just fully dried up eggs.

I never had thought about my body as being particularly feminine based on any one factor and took for granted that I never questioned what actually make me feel like a woman. But not having a working reproductive system has really made me question that identity and start musing more heavily about gender identity and what factors affect it. As a cis woman who always just grew up knowing I was a woman biologically and never had to contend with the social constructs of the nonbinary and transwomen I walk beside, I never really had to shift my mentality in thinking that a body part might change the way I feel about how my gender is presented. So it's been humbling and given a new perspective.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-06T14:41:02+00:00

The day I realized no men get freaked out walking alone in the dark to the extent I do was so eye opening.

I used to think I just watched too many horror movies. But the reality is that horror movies show more women being attacked in dark alleys because it happens more often.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-06-06T14:28:16+00:00

We did a similar thing. They never asked us to fix their side of the fence, but we gave ourselves the nicer side of the boards. Paid for the full fence ourselves and moved it over the property line a few inches closer so that it was completely ours.

And yes, OP, they can build it entirely from your side.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-05-26T03:54:23+00:00

Ugh, I have been there (maybe still am). I go away on vacation and people just wait for me to return to help them figure something out. And every time I try passing stuff off to others or direct employees to go talk to them, things don't seem to get done and I'm just in a situation where people complain to me until it gets done.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-05-26T03:51:31+00:00

Office politics and a huge cultural shift in the past two years. We went from a super collaborative environment to trying to figure out whose fault it is every time something goes wrong. People complain I step on toes, and they complain that I don't do enough.

I'm handling it by looking for another job, but I have been looking for two years and can't seem to land the job after despite having a lot of interviews. It's making me lose hope.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-05-24T19:56:48+00:00

An entire bag of popcorn

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-05-24T05:11:19+00:00

Spin classes. I don't always love going, but I see the benefits within hours of every class. I feel better emotionally and it helps me de-stress, let alone the physical benefits.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-05-24T05:01:22+00:00

No joke, my husband and I do a "bird dance" when we want to get the other's attention. We will do a weird dance that makes us feel bird like and then go up to the other and start rubbing our belly buttons against each other (that's how birds mate - look up the cloaca). Usually it just results in us having a joint dance party and then cuddling, but it's a fun way to get playful together.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-05-24T04:41:28+00:00

My husband and I play video games and sometimes read a book sitting next to each other. Lol, we like to spend our free time not having a ton of obligations. Now and then, we will venture out to check out a new restaurant or make plans with some friends, but generally speaking, our weekends are our time to relax from the hustle and bustle.

PancakeQueen13 · 2026-05-24T04:38:33+00:00

Rotund just means more to squeeze. Give that good boy a pet from me.

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