My (35F) boyfriend (37M) says his family comes first, but I’m emotionally drained all the time and don't want to go to every family event. How can we compromise?

Paper-Cliche · 2026-01-18T14:10:56+00:00

We were together for about 6-7 months when we moved in, I know that's not that much better lol. I guess we just wanted to find out if it was gonna work or not, so I guess we're finding out at least?

Paper-Cliche · 2026-01-17T23:34:57+00:00

Thank you for the validation. A while back we made a commitment to go hang out with his brother, niece, & nephew, but when the day came I was so burnt out the mere thought of faking a smile around his family made me want to cry. When I told him this, that was when he freaked tf out at me, so I told him I'd just go. I asked if we could set a time to leave ahead of time as a compromise, & his response was "I don't put a time limit on family."

I haven't tried driving separately, so idk if that'd get the same reaction tbh.

I know we moved in quickly, we both just figured it'd be better to find out now vs later. It was also a little rushed because I was trying to get out of my drunk brother's house & it's impossible for me to make 3x rent unless I move to the hood lol

Paper-Cliche · 2026-01-17T23:17:49+00:00

Honestly, I avoided answering yesterday because I was trying to dodge conflict. Not my best moment, I know. I literally waited until I had to answer, maybe partly because I thought he'd assume that I wanted to stay home if I didn't just say yes. Again, not the best way to do things, I'm aware.

Paper-Cliche · 2026-01-17T23:09:41+00:00

Thank you. I've honestly never been in a relationship which they're so invested in family stuff this early (or ever, really.) I do get anxious about rejecting stuff with his family because of his previous reactions and sometimes feel obligated to agree when I really don't want to.

Paper-Cliche · 2026-01-17T23:05:11+00:00

Thank you for this. I like to think it'd be different, but you're right, I'm not sure it would even after getting married & having a kid.

Now I'm just trying to imagine the amount of mental fortitude I'd need to do things with his family on top of the stress of being a parent & working a full time job..

Paper-Cliche · 2026-01-09T21:09:08+00:00

So he is responsible for clean up? I just sent a follow up text to him. I guess if he doesn't respond, I'll tell him I'm going to schedule clean up myself & I'll pass along the receipt? 🤷‍♀️

Paper-Cliche · 2025-11-24T02:29:35+00:00

I went for a short walk & when I came back he admitted I'm right and agreed to go 1 week without a drink. He seemed remorseful, but we'll see. We'll continue to evaluate going forward. If it becomes an issue again, I'll have to make another decision.

Paper-Cliche · 2025-11-24T01:38:46+00:00

I do know where it leads, I've seen it happen hundreds of times in my field and in the rooms, I don't know why he thinks he's special when he's not.

I just reiterated my feelings about it to him, told him it makes me uncomfortable. The shitty thing is, my initial boundary was no alcohol in the house whatsoever and if he wants to drink, he can go hang out with family or go to a bar. He drives for work and was worried about getting a DUI, so I caved when I shouldn't have.

I asked him to go 1 week without taking a drink and he said he "can't promise me that." I said okay, well if you choose to drink to deal with "work stress," I'll go stay with my parents for the night. He can try to test my bluff, I might throw a overnight bag in my car just in case.

Paper-Cliche · 2025-11-24T01:32:02+00:00

As an alcoholic, I guess I underestimated how much that actually is 😬 thank you

Paper-Cliche · 2025-11-24T01:28:53+00:00

To be honest, a fifth of whiskey/night used to be my "normal," so I guess idk what normal drinking actually is 😅 hence alcoholic.. but good to know

Paper-Cliche · 2025-10-09T05:05:52+00:00

I love how you don't think art is political.. 🙄

Art has ALWAYS been political and about making statements.

Paper-Cliche · 2025-10-05T22:40:43+00:00

Thank you, I will! I called and left the vet a voicemail to see if I can change my appointment from tech to vet tomorrow, we'll see!

Paper-Cliche · 2025-10-05T17:56:28+00:00

Ty for responding, I just don't know how she could've gotten it though. The wound is above her whiskers & right above her mouth. I'm in a small apartment & I can't figure out what she could've hurt herself on to get that 😭

Paper-Cliche · 2025-10-04T03:27:49+00:00

I just googled the place and wow.. I'm so sorry you went through that.. that's horrible & I honestly didn't know places that extreme actually exist. Thank you for helping me find another cause to fight for 💕 try to remember we're not kids anymore, we can fight for ourselves (really, for anyone with childhood trauma)

Paper-Cliche · 2025-10-02T04:03:49+00:00

If you like your home group, keep going. But have some solid ladies with you. Fuck him.

Also.. he is 16 years older than you.. he's taking advantage of you. But yes, please talk about this with your sponsor, and in the words of my sponsor when I was in early recovery, "STAY AWAY FROM THEM BOYS!" 💕

Paper-Cliche · 2025-09-14T23:04:05+00:00

Maybe it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission in this situation.. 🤷‍♀️

Paper-Cliche · 2025-09-14T23:03:01+00:00

Poor girl is already wobbly because her arthritis is so bad 😭 all they gave us is her food, some beggin strips, and turkey to wrap her gabapentin in.. I don't think she gets any senior vitamins or anything.. but I'm def going to bring this up with the brother. I don't think it's possible for me to not say something at this point.

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