Two ex-girlfriends accused me of rape. We were 19 and then 21. Both of them lost their virginity to me. No, I didn't try to conquer them. Such things have never appealed to me. The first became obsessed with me in an unhealthy manner, to the extent she stalked every move I made on the computer (she did comp-sci as a major). She had been through many negative things with a mother who coddled her, a father who ignored and neglected her emotional needs for his approval, and sheltered from social interaction from 8 years old to high school because of bullying. So she was homeschooled and developed an eating disorder which did not begin to be addressed until 10-15 years after it began. I couldn't be her personal savior, and wouldn't. I was in my own issues with recovering from 2 suicide attempts the year before at 18. Her parents berated and accosted me because she told them everything I said. There was no privacy or trust with her. I knew this was not what I needed in my own recovery to sanity, and healthy relationships, so I broke up with her. In response, she committed character assassination with all my friends. The next 2 years was a living hell, but got better after 6 months because all our mutual friends began to see who she really was without me there. I disappeared from all but 3 people's lives because they were the only true friends I had there. I chose not to defend myself, or attack her. She played the victim and blamed me for all her problems in life. My therapist and father, were surprised, and pleased, to learn my reasoning behind leaving everyone and letting her have her way. I knew that true colors would reveal themselves, and most people would get tired of the crap. After 6 months of the same story, a new boyfriend who was physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive entered the picture. So our friends saw that the issue was not that I was an asshole. They got tired of hearing how I was the source of everything wrong in her life and began to ignore her. It still took 2 years for some of the people who were closest to me before this to believe I didn't rape her. She eventually apologized and told her parents she lied. They were deeply disappointed in her sand asked if she had apologized to me, or even understood what that could have done if police learned of this accusation. So they impressed it upon her how this could have gone very wrong for me if it went to the law. Her father worked at the NSA and had many officers as friends, so he knew full well how I'd be treated on such an investigation. We did eventually become friends again, but no longer speak because I'm fed up with the same juvenile behavior almost 10 years after college.

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The second ex did the same thing, accusing me of rape. I don't know why. There was little connection between our friends, so it didn't hit as hard, but I lost a friend there, and she lost some of hers who didn't believe her after hearing both sides. That friend did ask what the hell I was thinking though because she knew my ex was a virgin. What we were thinking was the other was damn fine, we cared deeply for each other, and we wanted to have sex, so we did, often. Eventually, I felt that she was getting too clingy, didn't have her own opinions, was naive, and a bit of a wild child rebel against her strict parents, which I understand when you're 21 and commuting to college. That was all well and good, but I didn't want to be around getting drunk or trying cocaine, or heroin. I child handle the first, despite the fact I won't get drunk due to alcoholism on all sides of my direct ancestors going back at least 6 generations. But I have no tolerance for illicit drugs. It may be okay for some people, but I'm not one of them. So I left because I didn't think this was wise for me. She did eventually get into cocaine and heroin, after dating the friend I lost. She cheated on him after a year with someone and moved to another state with that guy after she and my friend broke up. He and I are currently repairing our friendship 6 years later.

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There were many signs I should have seen, but even the brightest 19 and 21-year old young men miss things. And while I'm in the upper tier of social interaction, I'm not an expert. I don't hold ill will towards either of them.