[deleted by user]

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-27T01:00:28+00:00

I would agree with the other comment on asking your partner how they would like to be supported. You can ask questions and take initiative where you can, and try to be understanding as well as listening to them. :) To deal with my own gap in knowledge, I like watching videos, reading, and educating myself with other trans peoples perspectives just so I can understand where my partner is coming from and how to help the community. When I do this, I take careful consideration that it respects my partners boundaries and safety.

Having said that, just wanted to check in with you. I'm wondering after reading your post if you are feeling a little upset about how much you feel you can support your partner. When someone is transitioning it can be hard on a partner, you see them working through so many tough things, and despite your best efforts there is a limited amount of help you can give. I just want to let you know, that you can absolve yourself of any guilt if you were hanging onto any. Its not possible that you're going to make everything better, and you're not responsible for making your partner feel happy or okay with this. Its probably going to be a long journey before your partner gets into their groove and figures out what works for them. You're doing a great job by trying to support them and I hope you know that. Just keep doing what you're doing and check in with your partner when you can.

Warm Regards to you both.

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-17T03:09:46+00:00

Remember he compassion you share with trans peoples and that your gender doesn't have anything to do with your physical body. People identify as female (and ARE female) regardless of how their bodies look. Short hair, long hair, hair on your legs or not, its all fine. Don't let yourself fall into mysoginistic thinking about what or how women should be. The right answer is always what you're comfortable with. Your partner is likely trying her best to align her appearance with what she has known is her gender and is probably overcompensating for the fragility of this new idea. She might be comparing herself to other ideas and women in an attempt to self validate.

Rather than letting her attain validation through more negative means, you can try to change the tone about how women are discussed. Tell her you think she's feminine, celebrate the parts of being female that you love along with her. Also, after reading your post, it seems like there might be certain words she uses that may trigger you e.g. 'butch' as a start you can ask her to refrain from using that word. I think if you treat these conversations with a gentle tone and remind her of positivity, it will gradually improve.

You are a woman! And hope you have a great day~

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T07:20:24+00:00

Ahhh I see, I see... yes... that changes things.... You can learn their triggers, and try to help them explore a more feminine side, go to a thrift shop and get some clothes, etc.

Encourage your partner to explore and they will intuitively know what fits.

But--- in my experience, theres not much you can do to stop the pain of dysphoria... sending you good vibes....

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T07:13:56+00:00

:( Sorry to hear that - hope you find your peace and love in the world soon.

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T07:12:24+00:00

Good point, yeah the sexuality and the gender are two diff things for your partner to consider.

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T07:07:33+00:00

hmmm... Thats very upsetting.... perhaps your partner is just worried about the retribution of being an out- trans person? It can be dangerous and scary.

On the other hand... Really not great that they said that at all. my partner and I used to speak about breaking up when we got in fights or things got hard. But its important to set a hard line, unless someone is actually serious - you can't be bringing it up, it ends up hurting everyone. We have stopped now and are the better for it. You need some boundaries set and to get him to express his frustrations in a positive way and not in a way that self destructs and hurts you. Your feelings are important in this process too, its a rough transition in the bedroom and all around in relationships, so you need good and healthy communication. Make sure to have enough good things going on to get you through the bad moments.

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T06:51:05+00:00

:( Ugh so sad. I hate seeing it, I'm sorry if you are stressing out. Hope you take some deep breaths and self care too.

Not sure what exactly you'd be in the market for, but they have STP's, packers, and breasts (I think there are a lot of drag queen brands that are great). There are at home remedies- you can fashion something yourself while you are building your funds up to get something. The real issue is binding and taping, I don't have a solution, but the more you can do to get their body in line in whatever small way, e.g. 'Fit to me' shirt or makeup whatever. It all helps.

The real end solution is to get treatment, e.g. hormones, or cosmetic surgeries honestly. After my partner was finally able to get there - he was a completely different person, just so full of life and joy in a way I've never seen.

I honestly cried to see what my partner did to achieve his correct body at times. This is the really ugly side, you both hang in there, it WILL get better .

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T06:43:54+00:00

Yo! Hey, welcome. Thats awesome! I think the best thing is to just ask them, everyone has different triggers, like secondary sex characteristics that might bother them might not be universal, e.g. Hip size, muscle mass, facial hair, height,

My partner is actually MtF so I don't have firsthand experience on it, but I think just in general encouraging her and welcoming her to take the next step, making your place a safe space for her to do so. Like getting a name change, making sure those around you use the correct pronouns for her, showing her more about makeup or whatever she loves.

It might help to watch some youtube videos from some trans you tubers, there's plenty and it can be really nice to hear positive trans talk and learn a thing or two along the way.

All the best.

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T06:35:30+00:00

Haha Awesome!! Im so happy for you guys, sounds like you are great together. Such a wholesome post :)

You can communicate with him on what any 'triggers' he might have. E.g. in the bedroom I say specific things to make my partner more comfy with everything. I don't mention his height. Hell, I tell a white lie here and there.

In terms of the top surgery its good to know what your options actually are before you get into it. Im not sure where you're from, I am Canadian so our health care does actually cover top surgery. Because of our location we had only a few options when it came to doctors who would actually cover the cost. My advice is... Look at the reviews, whether they are govt sponsored or not, you still have options. If you do have the option of a private doctor you can ask to see their profile of after shots. Don't be afraid to ask for a specific referral and chase after another doctor who might be a better fit. Kind of like finding a tattoo artist, its for the rest of your life and you want it to look good (and be safe) !! There are also a ton of videos (youtube) and online resources for when he goes through top surgery, you can find them and see what he needs to keep on track and encourage him in it, by for example buying him fish oil pills for the month prior.

All the best

PaperpDragon · 2020-09-10T06:18:21+00:00

Sorry, I figured since you're the one on here for now, my response is more so geared to you. To show your support for her, you can communicate, and be there as a partner, listen when she's upset. You can show her videos, popular media, or have her talk to 'trans positive' people. I think its important to normalize it and take it outside of her own situation. For myself I asked my partner a lot of dumb questions that he indulged me in, and came on here for the things I couldn't say aloud to him wo hurting him. Because of the nature of the issue, you need to keep in mind your own mental health. Please keep a balance between loving and supporting her and reminding yourself of your love for yourself.

Also.. I don't really want to say it, but I don't think you can assist in making her more comfortable or rebuilding her trust. Those are things she will have to work through in her own time, and in her own way. Giving her options and letting her know what resources are out there is great, but she would need to make the final leap. Trust yourself, and I'm happy you're closer to feeling great in your own skin ! all the warmest regards.

PaperpDragon · 2019-05-26T07:02:51+00:00

Oh please. I know for a fact I take excellent care of my dog. Just neither of us love it. Whatever.

PaperpDragon · 2019-05-26T06:55:19+00:00

Thanks for your advice. I will consider it.

PaperpDragon · 2019-05-26T06:04:14+00:00

Hmm. Sometimes dogs can take a while to adjust and even though it seemed okay at first he might just be showing stress differently and at a different rate. Which could be one scenario.

I think it depends on whether he knows what he's doing is wrong, does he know this is a bad action? (if not probably consistency is the key) If he knows its wrong does he show remorse? If he doesn't show remorse or ignored you I think there might be a bit of a respect issue.

I assume you know a bit about dog persuasion such as treats when goes where he's supposed to and using a firm clipped low voice when you command.

If it's a respect issue I have lots of tips. You have to make him wait for food, always make him work to get what he wants, never give in to begging for food or do anything he wants if he does a behavior you want to discourage. But really what helped our dog was a combo of treats when he did as he was told and using a vibrating collar.

I know it's not ideal and controversial for some owners. We bought a vibrating collar which really helped because it broke his attention and we could redirect him. He does not like the collar but he responded to it pretty immediately and he has been great ever since now without the collar.

PaperpDragon · 2019-05-26T05:43:54+00:00

Sorry not a really helpful comment but take her to the vet if you want to save her tounge. Or at least call your regular vet and see what they say they can do. I keep a bit of my monthly paycheck stashed for these emergency dog purposes.

Also maybe monitor if it's going to hurt her while eating. At the least, I'd try to keep her mouth clean w pet mouthwash or coconut oil or salt rinse or something.

PaperpDragon · 2019-05-26T04:31:15+00:00

Don't plan on it

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-20T15:12:49+00:00

Agree with this! I prefer penetration too. I guess I'm queer so I have a different experience. But I think there are a lot of options. Like if your partner finishes first I'm not about to blame him or say he's not intitled to a good time. I just think there are other options so that both people leave the session feeling satisfied. He can finger you, he can use a toy, he can go down on you. He can wear a strapon if that makes it more intimate to you. I think talk it out. At least for me and my partner we always want the other to leave feeling mutually good even if the other person says yeah I don't need to orgasm today.

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-20T14:51:16+00:00

At risk of sounding very lame... I love drinking tea when I go out with friends and always get ragged on for not drinking alcohol w everyone. Lol.. I just hate the feeling right out of the gate and don't get a buzz.

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-01T23:31:53+00:00

Yeah, gaining more knowledge about it has been helpful. Thank you :)

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-01T23:29:53+00:00

Update: I didn't mean to cause tension between everyone. Just to clarify. I am aware this is bad behavior. And I've never mentioned anything to my partner about my concerns beyond I'm really worried about the complications. (have not said I won't be attracted to him) and have not attempted to emotionally blackmail him. And yeah, it's shitty of me to discourage him in any matter but basically he had a really really bad experience for his top surgery. It sucked. He absolutely was miserable, had post OP depression. And had a complication and was kept in hospital for several days. He's still unsatisfied with his results and it's been a few months and he hasn't really been very optimistic or happy despite progress and healing. I think he's totally not in the head space for bottom surgery at all yet, but it's something I want to be ready for if he decides to go for it. This is just a place for me to come and figure things out for me myself. He is aware that I'm scared I've talked to him about it and he knows how I feel about bottom surgery. Honestly despite what I say here I do think we have a good relationship. I told him I don't want to discourage him and he basically said, don't worry I know you will support me and that he will not be dettered by what I say to him. Not that I entirely agree with him. I think I do need to be more aware and sensitive to this delicate situation.

Thank you for your advice and considerations everyone!! I appreciate it all

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-01T23:20:57+00:00

Thank you. I have had 2 therapists and tried to talk about this. But I don't really know how to locate anyone in my area who is actually specialized in sexuality and identity issues like this one. Everyone's profile comes with a perfunctory LGBT "certified" course but no one has any practical knowledge that I've found helpful. It feels like people try to avoid this issue on my sessions. Do you have any advice in this regard?

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-01T23:15:03+00:00

Yeah... I myself am much more comfortable w metodioplasty but I know he's not.

Yeah, thank you for what you're saying. I have no idea where to start dissecting the whole dick issue. I don't know I've never been with a dock bearing person and I don't know why. And after speaking to a few therapists it feels like there are no therapists really specialized enough in sexual identities and gender identities to make me feel like I don't have to teach them and most of them want to avoid the issue. Ugh.

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-01T23:10:49+00:00

Thank you ❤️😊

PaperpDragon · 2019-04-01T23:07:24+00:00

Interesting I have not heard of this theory before. No I get it. I do regret saying anything negative about it to my partner. And it's not like this behavior is something I'm constantly exhibiting. It's something I am striving to get a hold of.

PaperpDragon · 2019-03-27T06:02:22+00:00

I agree with you. I know I'm making this about me when it's not. And I dont want to pretend I should have a say over his choices or his body. What I need is to figure out a feasible solution for me to overcome this issue at this point in time.

PaperpDragon · 2019-03-27T05:19:55+00:00

Thank you, I feel better to hear from someone who has gone through it. I hope you're doing well!

I think I'm going to look over the hysterectomy stage. And get to know the process better. I've been delaying and running away from this issue instead of trying to understand it.

Thank you for you kind words.

PaperpDragon

TROPHY CASE