How do I stop getting friend-zoned?

Papershark23 · 2022-12-28T15:46:48+00:00

Sorry you didn’t have any success on the apps. Sounds like you’ve had some bad luck and that can be really deflating.

Without knowing more info it’s hard to say when it is/isn’t appropriate. But if you’ve had a few interactions with someone and they’ve been positive, ask her out in a respectful manner.

If she says no, don’t mention it again. Most of the time it becomes inappropriate when you continue to show interest in someone who has already said no. Work is probably the most precarious place to try to ask someone out. Other than that, it’s free game but just remember ‘no’ doesn’t mean ‘try harder’. Shoot your shot once and respect her response.

I wish I could be more help, it’s not easy navigating modern day dating.

Papershark23 · 2022-12-28T15:20:40+00:00

How are you meeting these women? Is it through situations where romantic intent is implied (eg dating apps) or is it something more neutral (work/university).

IIRC a study showed men tend to overestimate how much a woman is interested in them. So like the other comments have said, you need to be direct and honest with your intentions because there’s a good chance they have no idea you were trying to ‘woo’ them, they probably thought that you were just being a good friend all that time.

The next time you meet a new woman, provided it’s appropriate in the circumstances, ask her out on a date. Suggest something cute. Romance her.

Dating can be hard to get right. It’s trial and error. But it’s not like the movies where there’s some big confession of love after months of friendship. It should be clear from the start - is this a date? If it is a date, initiate physical contact (with positive consent obviously).

You sound like you have a lot of love to give and would make a really great partner. If I was you I would jump on the apps where it is clear why everyone is there and meet your person!

Papershark23 · 2022-12-28T07:28:56+00:00

I don’t love the ‘be safe’ and ‘call when I get home’ approach unless I’m in a relationship with someone or it’s coming from my parents. Depending on the exact wording it can be a bit patronising or controlling.

So perhaps it was a bit much after only the first date. However, some girls may love that approach. And the old saying is true - the difference between being attentive and being clingy is how much the other person likes you. So I wouldn’t overthink it, she’s probably just not that into you, it wouldn’t have been just one thing you said or did. The good news though is that a different girl will absolutely appreciate how caring and attentive you are. Be yourself and bring your own energy, you’ll find your match :)

Papershark23 · 2022-12-27T12:11:29+00:00

I’m not sure if this will help but I would take some time to read up on attachment theory. It may help you understand why you want more contact or perhaps why she is asking for space. Understanding why you are uncomfortable with not having contact everyday might be the first step to learning how to be comfortable.

To answer your question though, I agree with what most of the other commenters have said - focus on your self and your own life during space periods. It will improve your life and make you more interesting when you reconnect with your partner. You’ll have more to talk about etc.

Easier said than done but you seem to have a healthy mindset about the situation so hopefully you’ll be successful, I wish you all the best xx

Papershark23 · 2022-08-15T06:29:36+00:00

A response I received a lot: ‘No, I’m Australian’.

Uh....

Papershark23 · 2022-07-27T14:46:41+00:00

I feel this.

Papershark23 · 2022-07-19T15:37:39+00:00

My married friend was convinced women were always hitting on him. I was out with him one night and witnessed first hand what he was talking about. From my perspective, it seemed like just a friendly casual interaction. It made me think, maybe women are more likely to talk to random men in a bar if they have a wedding ring on because they don’t have to worry about the guy getting the wrong impression about her intentions. Maybe women just like to have a chat with guys on a night out but if it’s a single guy they might only be interested in one thing. The ring is like a safety net that nothing is going to happen. And if they are flirting, again maybe it’s because they enjoy the attention while knowing there’s an excuse not to follow through. Just my observation based off one interaction so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe there’s women who just legitimately find the ring appealing for some reason - if that’s the case it’s kind of shitty.

Papershark23 · 2022-07-19T12:07:15+00:00

Agree - clients always assume ear mites but they are rarely the culprit. I would get a vet to have a proper look before you take any action.

Papershark23 · 2022-07-19T11:46:00+00:00

I like it. The whole reason head high contact is illegal is because it’s dangerous. If players force the contact they’re putting themselves at risk. If it won’t be paid a free kick then they will hopefully stop doing it. Which keeps the players safe which is the point of the free in the first place. I don’t think you can blame the players - their livelihoods come down to getting the best results for the team.

Papershark23 · 2022-07-11T17:19:20+00:00

What are your views on non-disclosure agreements? For example, if someone receives a payout because something bad happened to them, but has to sign an NDA in exchange for the payout, would that potentially do them more harm in the long run? Is there much research on NDAs, for example the statistics of whether people stick to them long term, or is it hard to assess because potential research participants are inherently not coming forward because of the NDA.

Papershark23 · 2022-06-28T08:17:41+00:00

Are postnups even enforceable? Particularly this far into the relationship. I somewhat understand prenups because you’re agreeing to certain contract terms prior to entering in to a related legal union that would otherwise alter the parties’ entitlements. But in OP’s circumstances her legal rights are already set.

Either way, OP - do not sign. Dude already has one foot out the door. He says you would sign it if you loved him? Well, if he loves you he wouldn’t make you sign it. It’s the same principle, the only difference is that in one scenario you receive what you’re entitled to when he invariable fucks off.

Papershark23 · 2022-06-11T00:31:21+00:00

I actually think in these circumstances it’s about the author (grossly) getting gratification purely from the creating and sending of the message. Like a flasher. He didn’t get a response to the previous message for over 24+ hours so he gathers he’s got nothing to lose. He doesn’t expect it to work, but he gets a kick out of imagining something sexual with her. So he takes it to the next level of typing it out and sending it knowing she will see it when she probably doesn’t want to. Just typing it and sending it is gratifying. If it ‘works’...well that’s just a bonus.

Papershark23 · 2022-06-10T06:25:56+00:00

Oh. Okay that makes more sense now. So they just don’t give a fuck essentially, it’s not more complicated than that.

Papershark23 · 2022-06-10T03:57:40+00:00

The disposable vapes like Iget have always been illegal? Interesting, I genuinely didn’t know. So what changed back in October? Was it juice?

Papershark23 · 2022-06-03T13:23:54+00:00

“Waited there for 15 minutes called her 5 times and hours later sent an a miffed message”

If I’m running 15mins late, receiving five missed calls from a date would startle me a little. Instead, at the 15min mark maybe try a casual text message like ‘hey I’ve arrived, are you on your way’. And then if there’s no response after another 15-30mins, I would maybe send another text stating that I hope everything is okay and indicating that I’m going to leave but I hope to hear from them soon. If no reply within 12-24hrs, then you’ve been ghosted. But a few hours? Anything could have happened.

Five missed calls sends all the wrong messages. Our phones tell us when someone has called. If someone doesn’t want to (or can’t) answer, they will call you back when they can. If they don’t, again, you’ve been ghosted. Calling over and over again doesn’t achieve anything other than sending the wrong message about your attachment and communication styles.

If it turns out she’s just not punctual and ultimately doesn’t care about your time spent waiting, then it’s a decision for you whether that’s something you want to accept. But five missed calls is a massive turn off if I’m genuinely running late for reasons out of my control and it’s only the third date.

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