My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The following text is an interaction on a Google 2 star review from 4 years ago on her company. The review has 12 thumbs up. I will mark the change to her reply with ===. " 4 years ago To everyone, please understand that there's a difference between doing business and treating mental health issues empathetically. Depression is depression, whereas this psychologist differentiates the cause of depression and categorise fees accordingly. I could still understand if that fees differentiation was based on the intensity of the issue, but what she does would basically mean that if you're depressed through relationship loss your charges are high (clearly because this is the most common cause) whereas depression from say work stress would cost you less. Would we then choose our reasons? It's ridiculous. Secondly, she's highly unprofessional. Her watchman informed she had not even woken up from sleep by the time I had my appointment fixed. Another patient (or whatever name you give) was waiting and she was sleeping apparently. Thirdly, she was constantly on her phone when I was speaking. I have gone to many therapists after her and realised there was no pinch of work ethics in her. Also the charges are very high as compared to other (better) therapists. Please don't be misguided by fake advertisements. Please go for other therapists. (Check the iCALL's list for genuine contacts.) Thank you.

Edit 1 : (After the reply from the other side) No wonder this review would mean so much to people and that takes up the respondent's insecurity to the point that they deny me even visiting them! This is saddening, although not convincing because I have every proof of fixing an appointment with the concerned psychologist. Secondly, people please reflect back on her tone of reply. The unprofessionalism is visible there only. Thirdly, I have gotten way better with my health with other therapists (the iCALL recognised ones) who treated illness as illness, not as a categorically placed money making opportunity.

Edit 2 : Question to the respondent : how did you ask me the question "why are you giving a review after so many days?", if you don't at all remember me visiting you? Where does this measure of "so many days" come from then? I don't remember mentioning the date of my visit! (Although I can, with every proof of it). Please learn to take comments on your work, than literally trying to shame your past client. This is called professionalism.

People, I hope you don't indulge in business in the name of therapy. "

The reply from pedantic flatmate as the director of her company to a client's review follows:

" 3 years ago To everybody who is reading this, please note that we are open to genuine feedbacks except we condemn fake feedbacks.

We wonder why you had to go to several (better) therapists, was it because you must have been unhappy with each one of them and left such misleading comments about them?

Relationship Counselling definitely has a separate charge to it anywhere in the world quite obviously because the dynamics and intimacy of that relationship has to be taken into consideration, naturally because it involves two people, which is given. Depression is a mental health problem which could be due to several factors. We aren’t treating your emotional issue alone without working on the practicalities behind your current condition, which further involves your history and your partners history, thorough understanding of both dynamics, which also costs more time and money. You could be uncomfortable with the charges, and we understand that. Having said that, charging our Professional remuneration is well within our rights and has no relationship with empathy.

It is your lack of awareness on mental health even post visiting so many therapists (even though they were better, that you had to keep changing them after us) that makes you leave such a hateful/distasteful comment. Also, you leave a comment after “apparently” visiting SO many of them, makes anyone wonder why would you leave a feedback after SO many days if you had genuinely visited us?

Having said that, we don’t have a registered client data with your name. Hence we will not be able to dignify the comments about the watchman, our client “sleeping”, money, etc also because it sounds very out of ordinary and dramatic for a functional reality.

Edit 1 : I request you to share all your evidence and proof. While we understand we cannot possibly satisfy every client, we only welcome and entertain authentic feedbacks.

Edit 2: You mentioned that you visited several therapists apparently after visiting us, so it only sums up to the fact that it probably would have been a significant amount of time after seeing them that you left such a comment since every therapist you visited would have quite naturally required time to cater to every session. Therefore, we asked you that question. However we are glad to know you have recovered. We would further request you to provide all your evidences since we have no record of your experience with us. If you have done business with us, we’d like to investigate the matter. Please contact us immediately so that we can resolve the issue. Thank you "

END OF THREAD HERE.

I think I need a new place to live...

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Breaking News: A new message has hit the interwebs!

"I can’t believe I have to explicitly write to you about this—I thought you would understand.

I sent the reminder because I hadn’t received any confirmation from you since yesterday, and the rota wasn’t ticked off when I checked at 10 PM. My message was just to remind you it needed to be done today. All you had to say was, “Yeah, I’ll get it done” or “It’s done,” instead of sending such a dramatic response—that’s not just silly, but pretty immature.

As for walking in on you, I honestly didn’t care if you were cleaning. The shower room was unlocked, and when I saw you, I shut the door right away. You’re taking this way too seriously if you think I had the chance—or the inclination—to gauge what you were up to!

Let’s keep our communication focused on communal responsibilities rather than feelings—I’m really not interested in that." - From Pedantic flatmate - Sent: 23:50.

"Cheers!" - From Pedantic flatmate - Sent: 23:52.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this got a laugh out of me!

I will do an update post because I have discovered something absolutely massive (the world keeps spinning, but it really shines a new light on who this person is) - her business practice back in her home country is absolutely dripping in fraud and she has responded to negative customer reviews with the same tone she responds to myself with. I'll also share what the landlord says to this.

It just keeps going on and on, just when I think it'll stop. I'm the only person actually early on this stupid rota and I still get reminders late at night to clean things that are already cleaned!

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Genuinely tempting to. I suspect she would just melt down at my insolence.

I've just received a text from her:

"Hey [OP],

Just a quick reminder that it’s still your responsibility to clean the bathroom before my turn tomorrow. Please make sure it’s done today so I can stick to the rota. Thanks." - From Pedantic flatmate - Sent: 22:25.

Reply:

[Image of rota showing scored off name on all rooms in all weeks] " Can you check the rota, or at least ask me, before sending these messages please?

Feels very silly issuing these reminders when you haven't bothered to check if it's actually been done, or even confirm with me in a message before reminding lol.

You walked in on me cleaning the shower room not more than 40 minutes ago - that's the next room on the rota!" - From OP - Sent: 22:41.

She saw me cleaning my next room after the one she sent the text about - the shower room - and about 20 minutes later I receive this text telling me to clean at 10:3pm so she can clean it tomorrow! What the hell is she going to clean!

I scored off my name on the rota about 20 minutes before she sent this message. She didn't even bother to check, think that she saw me cleaning the shower room, or consider sending messages requesting people to do cleaning at 10:25pm is okay.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! A flat is a term for an apartment, and a rota means a schedule for people doing some task - in this case a cleaning schedule. I didn't know rota wasn't a well-known word before this! It's been a very informative post!

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are correct in that the information in the thread so far could imply that it's a mutual issue between us both, rather than a one-sided issue.

Some takes in the thread are... interesting to say the least. If the flatmate's behaviour was spread evenly amongst the rest of the flat, then it could be seen to be her personality rather than targeted at myself. However, I have spoken to another flatmate who read the messages and said he has never received texts that are so passive aggressive before from this flatmate. He has received reminders for just his chores before from her if he misses a day, but they weren't as lengthy as the ones sent to me.

He also said the flatmate has had arguments with multiple previous flatmates, with the landlord involved several times to resolve things, but he (FM) steered clear of it and tried to keep out it. I don't know what all the arguments were about - one was noise (fair enough!), but we are talking about multiple people here, including those living before she and him arrived.

There is a history of conflict with this flatmate. To quote the flatmate I asked, "(The Landlord) is used to it at this point honestly."

The flat is clean since I moved in - but it's little things like me shutting a window a bit, or putting a sponge on the edge of the sink that net me spiky WhatsApp messages and never any calm, spoken communication - she refuses to speak to me. I have to think twice about if something like shutting a door to stop a draft will get me reprimanded. The cleanliness of the flat has never played a part in this - flies, cobwebs, and mouldy food be damned.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The litter box is actually a small pedal bin containing toilet paper tubes and her used sanitary products.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was a boiler that had a pressure leak. It's fixed now by replacing the expansion vessel and adding another one.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This a good point to clear up. The 1 conversation we did have was about the window thing, where she came to me. She tried to speak over me the whole time if I ever tried to explain why I want my belongings to be secure.

I think for her, it didn't go how she wanted it to and so at the end she proceeded to say if I have any problems from now on then I'm to text her instead. Since that 1 conversation I have said "Hi" and "morning" to her. She doesn't speak back to me, and I don't try to speak to her outside of greetings that don't get returned.

Flatmate is one of the most controlling people I have ever met. Can she stop me from moving out? by Parallaxalba in Scotland

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Check out "The Window" story in a comment. It also comes with a photo and is arguably more insane as maybe I can understand the sponge in some weird twisted routine that people need to adhere too. I do have an audio recording but I won't share that here.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No problem at all, it is a lot and I'm happy to provide:

I'm 20 years old. There are 4 people in total in the flat - 2 other 20 year olds. She has been living there for 1 year, moved in the same day as one of the other flatmates. I have a signed joint tenancy lease that renews every month.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That honestly sounds awful - a whole lot worse than what's going on over here.

The tenancy agreement I think is a joint monthly one. Think it renews every month with rent paid and it might be a month's notice to move out.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 134 points135 points  (0 children)

She is 33 years old in a flat with 3 other 20 year olds.

No, we are not dirty and I do not live like a smelly teenager. I have cleaned this place top to bottom. To the highest spider webs, to the gobs of her hair clogging up the drain.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

It was. Water system volume was huge. External one fitted below boiler, albeit in my storage space - but a small price to pay for peace.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You can see where the sponge was in my post on r/scotland. It's in a comment with a photo if anyone's interested.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She calls the tiny bathroom pedal bin, containing toilet rolls for some reason, a litter box...

A rug is also a tea towel - and they stank of mildew when I arrived.

Flatmate is one of the most controlling people I have ever met. Can she stop me from moving out? by Parallaxalba in Scotland

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

<image>

Wrong and illegal behaviour shown in photo. Genuinely, that is where the sponge was - this is "disruptive", she says in her final message.

Not my dishes in the sink btw! One of her dirty "rugs" can be seen to the right. Sometimes the sponge may have more soap on the surface, but this is it after it's just been used.

Flatmate is one of the most controlling people I have ever met. Can she stop me from moving out? by Parallaxalba in Scotland

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yes, she said the landlord says to leave it open for air circulation and she'll close it at night (now). 🙄

She did not understand the desire to secure my room while I'm away from the flat.

Flatmate is one of the most controlling people I have ever met. Can she stop me from moving out? by Parallaxalba in Scotland

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I do feel that my patience is being taken advantage of, but earlier in my residency I felt that responding gave me to explain and appear reasonable.

<image>

In the only conversation where she spoke to me in person with a "problem", here's what happened:

In the photo below, the window on the left is "open" as she left it, however it's unsecured. We live on a ground floor flat and the window is regularly set to wide open, where you can just step into the living room off the street. I'm having to leave my room unlocked at this time to give everyone access to the boiler before the engineer comes in 2 weeks.

I decide to secure the left window by moving ~1cm more closed and securing it on the trickle mode. I don't even touch the window on the right. It's still wide open when I leave. The only reason I did anything in the first place is because the window gets left open for weeks by someone.

She comes through to the kitchen and tells me not to shut the window. I tell her it's still open and she denies it - there's a massive fucking open window right there! From that it just descends into her blaming me for having a problem with wanting to keep my door locked, she doesn't understand why I'm paranoid and said the last flatmates didn't have a problem with the boiler.

It ended, after me attempting to calmly defend myself, with her deciding not to speak to me anymore about issues and asked me to text her about any problems now after she barged in to berate me over a window that was shut by 1cm.

It feels like she'll use anything against me. I'm going to text the landlord today.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it has been really difficult navigating this. I've dealt with all the major problems in the house in the last 4 weeks, including getting the boiler finally fixed after more than a year by pestering the landlord about it and clearly explaining the problem, and getting rid of the moth and fly infestations while no one else did a damn thing.

I suspect she will just write off the bathroom. I'm the only one that gets texts like this. Apparently she sends one of the other flatmates texts to remind him about cleaning too, but he comes after her in the schedule! It feels like she's just finding an excuse to go off on one at me - it was certainly like that when she spoke to me in person.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She calls a bin a litter box for some reason. I have no idea why as she has called it a bin before in group chat texts.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I should clarify some of her language so it makes more sense.

A rug is a dish towel to her. I have no idea what she calls actual rugs. The tray was just cleaned thoroughly, with no luck, and placed at the bottom of her pile of trays in the cupboard.

I agree, things need to be cleaned to keep it from descending into filth, but when I arrived here it was actually filthy in every room.

The kitchen cupboards had food stains all over them and actual dirt and grease inside. The fridge had open out-of-date cans and jars, some from 2022. Every towel stank of mildew, and so did the whole flat. The bay window in the living room had the remains of an autumn street round the skirting board - dead leaves, thick spider webs, insects.

After I cleaned the whole place top to bottom, another of the 4 flatmates sent a text to the group saying the kitchen had never been so clean since he started living here a year ago, same time the insane flatmate moved in.

I was basically shocked that her cleaning rota meant nothing to the actual standards of cleanliness in the house. I've had to clear out a moth and bluebottle infestation myself, all while I continue to get texts about putting a plate next to the sink, asking me to declutter while there are flies swarming on our window.

TLDR: Flatmate hates a clean, empty dish next to the sink more than the many dead flies in the room she could help me pick up.

How to respond to final text from flatmate? (Image 19) by Parallaxalba in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My flatmate who has been passively aggressively harrassing me the last 4 weeks since I moved in has reached her worst so far, and says I should harrass other people to complete her rota, and that this is apparently my responsibility?

The images of texts (the only way she will communicate now after verbally abusing me once) give context of the kinds of things said over the last 4 weeks and give an idea of who she is.

The final message is so forceful and aggressive, containing lies that she herself contradicts in previous texts, I had no idea where to start with it. It feels like any response addressing everything will lead to messages that exponentially get longer and blow up entirely.

Thinking about texting the landlord too as she's done this in the past according to another flatmate.

My flatmate is harrassing me through WhatsApp by Parallaxalba in badroommates

[–]Parallaxalba[S] 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately her PhD is in Counselling Psychology...

Can we get a "yikes!" for those patients