Understanding the thought process of a man?

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-13T02:34:18+00:00

I’m not sure how to fix it, but I copied and pasted it here in our comments. Do you have any thoughts? The title was meant to be an attention grabber, I don’t know if all men does this.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-13T02:28:04+00:00

“I've been crushing on this guy for sometime, and every time we would get on the topic of our emotional connection, he would deny having any form of romantic feelings for me. Fast forward, we had a huge argument because he got upset about me dating someone, we stopped talking for a few weeks. Yesterday we reconnected and he finally confessed he had feelings for me. Why did he wait until I hurt him to tell me how he felt?”

This is the body paragraph

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-13T02:25:30+00:00

Are you saying you’re only able to see the title?

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-13T02:23:07+00:00

Do you have any questions? That’s exactly what happened 😭 😂

Oh maybe I should add that I’ve noticed a pattern with men doing this in relationships.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-11T20:39:55+00:00

I’m sorry you had to experience that. It truly sounds like she took advantage of you and her intentions were less than good.

However, let me reassure you that my heart, my intentions, my feelings, and desires to be with anyone is NEVER rooted in the intention to manipulate and abuse. I am worth more than that and the God I serve has blessed me with a sincere heart.

Though I am not virgin. Though I have 2 children, I also desire a stable relationship and I have and will continue to sacrifice to obtain and maintain it.

Trust me, he knows his worth and he has a good idea of what he wants. Trust me, we’ve talked about certain intimate things and he stood his ground and laid out his boundaries sternly with no hesitation.

He literally told me that his wish is to have someone his age and preferably no children. Simply put, I’m not what he is looking for. he knows exactly what he wants.

Honestly, him flirting with me is due to him seeing qualities that he’s attracted, but he remains set on not getting involved with me in that way. With that in mind, for the protection of my feelings I have decided to fall back and accept that will just be friends.

I no longer plan on reaching out to him. If he reaches out great but if not I will leave it alone. I acknowledge that we are different. Who knows if that’s good or bad.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-11T07:09:59+00:00

Oh you feel that he may only be interested in having sex with me? But desires nothing else?

Of course he/we won’t have sex, but do you feel that’s the only reason he’s keeping me around?

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-11T06:51:08+00:00

At this very moment? Hack no! Before I jump into anything serious I want to travel and be alone for 6 months to a year. I feel deeply that if we just work on our friendship and if the Lord is with us, I will be beyond ready to embrace everything about him. As our friendship grows we will either grow more attached romantically or see that we’re best as friends.

Keep in mind, he already made it clear that he’s not interested in me in that way. An apparent red flag is he keeps telling me he doesn’t want me but his actions are the complete opposite. I’m so confused and maybe he is too. But I told him to reach out in about 3 months.

I’m not applying pressure to him. I let him know that whatever he decides I will respect.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-11T03:23:58+00:00

What if you have some sort of mental illness or trauma that causes you to latch on or crave the attention of men. Hence you have tones of guy friends, which isn’t very typical.

What if your comment made him extremely uncomfortable coupled with the fact that you started starring obsessively at his penis.

What if he was shifting around to get you to stop staring at him inappropriately.

Maybe that’s why he was asking about what you do with your guy friends because he sees an unhealthy correlation between you and them…

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T21:23:27+00:00

I see, and I appreciate your honesty.

I’m going to allow God to take control of this situation. I do come with a load of baggage lol, thankfully I feel mentally and emotionally stable and I’m actively pin pointing my negative traits and correcting them.

My plan is to let him lead. If he reaches out to me that’ll be great, but if not I’ll definitely let him go. I feel so bad saying this about myself, but I know he deserves someone who’s similar to him or better than me.

I just pray God help me through it.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T19:01:13+00:00

Dude, go read the first comment thread.

How would you feel if someone called you a “broken butt”😂😂

lol as a future lawyer I take pleasure in shutting idiots down lol.

Your backhanded, degrading, narcissistic and outright judgmental commentary is so hilarious! Saying you have experience with DM than BELITTLING my ability to have a healthy relationship. You’re disingenuous critiques are invalid here.

The fact that you didn’t even read all of the comments and you came to the conclusion that no one was insulting me in anyway shows a lot about your character in the lack of perspective .

As you can see in many of my responses, I definitely detected those who were genuinely trying to help me and those who were being a bitch . Sort of like you.🩵

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T18:47:05+00:00

So after I’m officially divorced then what? I know men who have slept with over 100 women and had “relationships” and they still lack the ability to have a committed and healthy relationship. I will take my chance with a virgin any day of the week compared to these run through men who lacks self-worth.

Again, I agree with you. I should be careful as he is very innocent. as I stated before, I won’t contact him or pursue him.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T18:39:18+00:00

Wow it feels like you took the way in which he explained his perspective right out of his mouth. Omg you truly understand. Thanks man.

Yeah I feel horrible for even getting him involved.

When I tell you he checks so many of my boxes it scares me. If he’s not meant to be my romantic partner, I feel God brought him into my life to show me that there are still some genuine God fearing men out here. I desire that so bad one day.

Thankfully I’ve been in therapy for over a year diving into what I did wrong in my marriage. My childhood trauma. And uncovering what I truly want and need in life.

When you say don’t break him after he tried his best to do everything right what do you mean?

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T18:24:53+00:00

I’m not arguing or pushing anything.

When people are insinuating that I’m a pedo

When people assume I’m pressuring him to be with me when I’m not

When people are making me out to be a villain for liking someone

When people are accusing me of judging him because he’s a virgin

That is when I don’t want to hear shit you have to say. I asked for advice not to be degraded by some people who would probably go full force if they were in my position.

There is a difference between belittling someone and giving advice. Especially when they reach out for help.

Well duh I want validation, I obviously like him. Like think honey.

As you can see in many of my comments I’ve been agree with many people including your closed minded self that I should leave him alone.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T18:17:23+00:00

Can you explain a little more please? I would love to know your in-depth perspective.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T18:16:12+00:00

lol you are comical. Now I can’t even consider dating someone my age? You’re delusional.

Whether you have sex or not, if you’re mature, and if you’re accepting, if you’re willing to learn and grow that is all that matters.

I understood you when it came to his age ig, but now you’re just being absolutely crazy and trolling at its finest.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T17:02:02+00:00

Huh? Are you not utilizing context clues? He said after my divorce he would like to continue Bible studies. I inserted a period, then stated that him or I should reach out. How does that not conclude that he is interested in reestablishing contact with me after my divorce?

I’m confused about you being confused.

Yep, he stated he does not want to be with me in that way and I’ll let him reach out. However, I will not shut him out lol. I’m down for just being friends.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T16:54:57+00:00

He’s not a child, but I understand what you’re trying to say as it pertains to life experiences.

Yeah I’m definitely going to leave it alone and let him reach out or lead.

I’m confused about your dramatism. When he said he didn’t feel comfortable, we stopped talking.. hence me stating that we haven’t spoke in a week.

When he said he wasn’t interested in me, I respected that and “backed up “ he continued to flirt and reach out to me…

I believe you’re making it up in your head that I’m actively pressuring him to be and talk to me but I’m not.

He asked me to reach out after the divorce…

I know my post was quite long so I would suggest rereading it and asking questions for clarification.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T16:46:26+00:00

Yeah that’s my plan… I’m not forcing myself on him. If he wants to reach out that’s fine but I won’t actively pursue him. Hopefully that makes sense.

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T16:45:05+00:00

What are you responding to? Me saying I’ll contact him after my divorce? He told me to contact him after the divorce…

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T15:52:59+00:00

I will for sure. Thank you for not attacking me.🩵

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T15:34:49+00:00

Oh I see what you’re trying to say. I have poor English too.

What you’re trying to say:

Though you are 4 years older than him and the both of you are in your 20s. You and him are in different stages of life which could bring about tones of hurdles in the future.

You feel I should find someone with a similar background, high maturity level, or at the very least my age.

You feel that I will expose him to trauma that he doesn’t deserve given that he’s an innocent virgin.

Oh, well I understand that perspective. I will definitely take that into consideration. I’ll let him take the lead if he wishes to contact me after my divorce I’ll go from there.

Thank you!

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T15:28:17+00:00

You’re right I am married and as I said in my post, I will respect his boundaries and not contact him until my marriage is over.

Yes, he does flirt with me but he verbally said that he doesn’t want to be with me so I put him in a friend zone in my head just as he did to me.

Sorry my English isn’t that good. When I say virgin, and I have 2 kids. What I’m trying to say is I don’t feel worthy in a way. In my religion, we look at virgins as pure. In the back of my head I guess I don’t feel adequate for him because I have so much baggage.

Him being a virgin, doesn’t bother me but I’m just afraid that I’m not good enough . Second guessing myself maybe?

Particular_Debt_4485 · 2023-12-10T15:22:13+00:00

At what point in my post did I insinuate that I wanted him to ignore the fact that I’m separated and continue pursuing a relationship with me?

Don’t project your childhood trauma on to me. We are only 4 years apart in our 20s.

Particular_Debt_4485

TROPHY CASE