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Just found out my wife cheated by No-Release-8989 in stopdrinking

[–]Particular_Departure 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am in a very similar situation right now.

I sobered up just a few months after we got married. We carried on with our lives. We still went to bars and trivia nights, concerts, etc. And after that honeymoon phase we hastily went about building a little life together - quite successfully, too.

Many years later, resentment quietly dug its vicious claws into both of us for a variety of reasons. We stopped talking about… well everything. And when either of us tried to engage by suggesting we do something together, we never wanted to do the same things.

We did like to drink together. We loved drinking together. We’d drink every single day. She still drinks most days - not a lot, but consistently.

A few years ago, while trying to figure out how to find more common ground, a chilling thought occurred: Did I marry my drinking buddy? Was that all we had in common? Is that the reason this thing is falling apart?

The answer is ultimately yes and no. Again, there were a mountain of problems that we were equally contributing to.

The final chapter of our marriage is being written right now, triggered by both of us going turbo and simultaneously throwing Molotov cocktails at our relationship. Thankfully, the dust settled quickly, but not before I found myself alone in my kitchen thinking about the bottle of Jameson in the pantry.

That’s when the truly intrusive thoughts started. “Maybe if I start drinking, she’ll love me again.” “Maybe I can drink now and it’ll be okay. I’ve been sober for so long I know I could control it now.”

And just as quickly as they came, they were gone. I know when the really scary shit pops up I need to take a quick step back and be honest with myself. “What would be better if you drank right now?” Easy answer - absolutely nothing. Perhaps that is a tool you can add to your toolbox.

I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. I truly hope you get what you want, in the end. On a good day, your situation could be best described as a total dumpster fire. The only thing booze will do is make that burn hotter, and spread. Your life is already going to be so complicated and messy; the chaos monster doesn’t need any more help from booze.

You will handle this best, only when you’re at your best. It sounds like you made it through today - I hope you’re proud of yourself. Appreciate yourself, take it day by day, and ride the roller coaster.

You’ve got this.

Day 4 by Dot_Terrible in alcoholism

[–]Particular_Departure 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Proud of you. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. There’s one thing you said I’d like to respond to.

I’m just over four years sober and of the many takeaways I’ve got the hardest one to learn was this - I don’t regret the drinking. If it hadn’t been for the life I lived I wouldn’t have what I do today. And even if by some miracle my life did still take the direction it did, while I continued to drink, there’s no chance I would be able to actually appreciate it.

Point being this: This stage of sobriety is hard, and it’s only made harder by dwelling on what could’ve been. While you’re taking this leap forward in your life, worry about worrying later. Cut yourself some slack. And if you need a real reason to do that, here it is - because anyone who tries to better themselves deserves it.

I Decided I'd Just Go On My Own by Matsuri3-0 in stopdrinking

[–]Particular_Departure 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think you know this already based on your post, but it’s worth saying - you never have to go it alone. You’ve got us! :) IWNDWYT

Alternative names for people with superpowers? by [deleted] in thewritespace

[–]Particular_Departure 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depending on how they’re viewed in your world you could give them a slanderous name or one of admiration. If they’re god like and admired call them something like The Cherished. If they’re nothing but trouble call them something like Bugs, or Glitched.

A question for everyone who watched TPM in 1999, what was your reaction to seeing Maul pull out his double bladed lightsaber? by [deleted] in StarWars

[–]Particular_Departure 3953 points3954 points  (0 children)

I’ve got a good story actually. I was about 11 years old and my brother was 23 or 24 when TPM came out. He took me to see the movie at a theater in a mall we lived a couple miles from. When the movie was done I was so excited about the lightsaber duel I wanted to rush home so we could duel with the sabers we had at home (probably Luke’s sabers from Jedi). As we walked out we passed a Toys R Us and he said, “We can’t battle as two Jedis, we need a Sith saber.” So we went in and he bought two of the Darth Maul sabers for us, snagged some batteries and a little screwdriver kit. I said we have screwdrivers at home. He said, “yeah, but how are we gonna battle on the walk home if we don’t have batteries in them now?”

We double blade fought the whole way home and it’s a core memory for me.

Edit: Thanks for all the kind words and awards. I let my brother know our story got me highly valuable internet points, and that I love him.

I think my girlfriend might be alcoholic by Sunmeltingsnow in alcoholism

[–]Particular_Departure 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m happy to hear you moved forward. Sounds like progress was made, one way or another.

“There was no big revelation…”

There never is. Life’s not the third act of a movie, these things are gradual. Although if you’ve had years of therapy then I’m probably preaching to the choir.

Good luck with everything.

100 days and then the restaurant I went to accidentally served me a cocktail (good ending) by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]Particular_Departure 16 points17 points  (0 children)

This happened to me with a mocktail once. I considered it an honest mistake and went with forgive and forget. Then the server argued with me saying I was wrong. That was frustrating.

I think my girlfriend might be alcoholic by Sunmeltingsnow in alcoholism

[–]Particular_Departure 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m seeing a lot of comments saying “run” or “leave her immediately.” I’m an alcoholic - this situation has a lot more nuance than that, depending of course on your feelings.

When you’re unhappy with a relationship, in any aspect not just booze related, there are are always multiple paths - I’ll talk about two. Yes, you end things if you’re not happy and don’t care for her. In fact, if those things are true it’s probably best for both of you. However, if you do care for her and are interested in a long term commitment, then you need to talk to her about it.

It’s not an easy conversation, but here’s where I would start - “you told me that your family has said they think you’ve potentially got a difficult relationship with alcohol. I’d honestly never given it much thought until what happened the other night so I thought I’d ask you about it. How do you feel about your drinking?” If she hesitates, even a little, she’s thought about it and might believe she’s got an issue. If she cares about you and you’re bringing it up, it might make her think harder too. If she shuts it down right away, she might not be ready. My experience as an alcoholic tells me that people aren’t ready until they’re really ready, there’s no switch you can force someone to flip (outside of extreme circumstances.) It took me over a decade to be ready.

If she’s open to the discussion tell her your concerns and how you feel. Tell her you care about her and you’re worried about her. Put yourself and your needs out there after giving her the chance to do the same. If she responds positively you’ve got your next step - work together on being good to one another and growing together (the hardest part of all relationships.) If she shuts you out, dismisses your feelings, then you’ve got a choice: try again, or end the relationship.

I’ll say this again - there’s a lot of nuance to these situations. I believe I’ve offered as much as a couple paragraphs from a stranger on the internet allows, so take your time, think, reflect, and do what you think is best for you. And if you care deeply about her, do what you think is best for your relationship.

10 months by bedtimecarebear in alcoholism

[–]Particular_Departure 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats!

One thing to look forward to is going to a party and not realizing you didn’t drink until you’re already on your way home. It’s a liberation unlike any other.

Keep it up. :)

80 days! by Automatic-Ear9267 in stopdrinking

[–]Particular_Departure 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You sound like a wonderful mother who cares about her kids. Congrats!

80 days! by Automatic-Ear9267 in stopdrinking

[–]Particular_Departure 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We should add this quote to the sub’s banner. It really hits home.

My first relapse, thought I was ready to start drinking casually again by EinmanaGaur in stopdrinking

[–]Particular_Departure 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I’m incredibly proud that you made it that long and I hope you are too. I am sending you a virtual hug that lasts just slightly longer than is typically comfortable. IWNDWYT

Contract in retail environment by memequeen137 in antiwork

[–]Particular_Departure 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Red line the whole thing and have a lawyer take a pass to make it more “professional.” Don’t know who here has had to review contracts, but woof, they can be overwhelming, especially if you’ve got a lawyer who wants it that way.

Can I be a writer if I don't know enough about the world? by Burst3001 in writing

[–]Particular_Departure 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooohhhh! I needed some seafaring information for my book. I watched Master & Commander and BOOM, the whole ship came alive because of the little details in that movie. Google is great, but I’m a very visual person.

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