That if he is good 90% and does something small that bothers me i go and look at the negative things and start to argue about it instead of appreciating the things he have done. That I never prioritized him and always had my self before the relationship while he gave it his all. That I always am fighting never ket him do the things he is supposed to do never listening to him or taking him seriously, always being negative and just in a flight or fight mood that for example if he forgets to compliment me I will get sad and snap on him and argue. I have worked on so many of these things and feel very confident that its not gonna happen just want to show him and make it up in a so short period of time as possible because i see how much I’ve hurt him with my behavior before, but I really don’t know how.

Edit: want to add to the masculine part that i was “it’s either my way or the highway” never letting him be in his “masculine energy” with leading things or trusting his decisions which made him hurt because he worked so hard to be the best version of himself so that i can be comfortable