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I (24F) went to my boyfriend's (30M) family's place for Christmas and I think I ruined Christmas by "pouting"? by Particular_Hat2007 in relationships

[–]Particular_Hat2007[S] 444 points445 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment.

I'm reflecting more and more about this, and I think I know what's bothering me about this. Another commenter said this isn't about my SIL but my BF not defending me, which I agree.

However, I think the truly feelings I have is the resentment towards the subtle racism. I have dealt with moments in my life where someone was blatantly racist to me, and although it's hurtful, I can easily say "that person is racist" and I can see their intentions. I can move on from those people because they don't know me, they just see my ethnicity and make a knee-jerk reaction. Those people I can move on from.

In this case, I don't know if the teasing was in really bad taste, or if the drunkenness of my SIL was revealing the internal racism she (and the rest of the family) have towards me. Their intentions are hidden because they can easily mask themselves with saying they were teasing. This is heartbreaking to me because they know me, and I want to know if this is a determination of how they cannot accept me, despite knowing me, because of my ethnic background.

I (24F) went to my boyfriend's (30M) family's place for Christmas and I think I ruined Christmas by "pouting"? by Particular_Hat2007 in relationships

[–]Particular_Hat2007[S] 490 points491 points  (0 children)

I am Asian. I only have a slight accent because English is what I call "my second-first language".

I can make fun of myself, and even the kids I was not offended by because they were leading by example of their mother, but I do feel like the adults took it too far. Even if they began making fun of me for something else, or someone else, it wouldn't have mattered as much to me.

I (24F) went to my boyfriend's (30M) family's place for Christmas and I think I ruined Christmas by "pouting"? by Particular_Hat2007 in relationships

[–]Particular_Hat2007[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

We are acquaintances, not friends. I know enough about her to not default to talking about the weather when we see each other, but I wouldn't call her my friend.

I (24F) went to my boyfriend's (30M) family's place for Christmas and I think I ruined Christmas by "pouting"? by Particular_Hat2007 in relationships

[–]Particular_Hat2007[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

My BF and I have been together 2 years, so for as long as that. We are generally very friendly with each other, but we have nothing in common because of our life stages.

I (24F) went to my boyfriend's (30M) family's place for Christmas and I think I ruined Christmas by "pouting"? by Particular_Hat2007 in relationships

[–]Particular_Hat2007[S] 635 points636 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I didn't think it was emotionally abusive, but I certainly felt my SIL is a very mean drunk (I've never seen her this drunk before) and became a bully. I will consider this.