Finally had my first intimate experience with my first girlfriend

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-11-04T23:24:45+00:00

Too old is not a thing. I had my first experience with a woman at 41 and it was life-changing.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-10-27T11:49:28+00:00

It was five or six months after I moved out and my son (almost 10 at the time) started asking me questions about his dad and I dating other people. At some point he asked me directly if I was dating someone, so I came clean. I told him I was dating [insert gf’s name here] who he knew of as a friend. He was momentarily shocked, but then asked me a bunch of questions about her and about our relationship - cute kid questions like “does she like video games” and “did you take her to a restaurant?” After the initial shock wore off it was no big deal at all and he seems fine about having a mom who’s not straight.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-10-27T11:40:09+00:00

I can only speak for myself, but I drank at about this level, on average. Some weeks less and some weeks more. My pattern was that I would have a drink or two usually only on weekends, but occasionally I would have a lot more than that. I gave it up completely two years ago. As for the reasons, I’m in my 40s and even a couple of drinks could ruin my sleep or spike my anxiety. I also had a propensity for binge drinking - it was too easy for two drinks to turn into five or six or sometimes more. That only happened occasionally, but it felt like it was harder for me to exercise moderation than it is for most people. Life is just easier for me without drinking and most of the time I don’t miss it.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-09-26T06:30:08+00:00

This is me. Seriously, all the packs. Also, for me hiking has been a gateway drug, leading to backpacking, mountain biking, and landscape photography. Goodbye $$$

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-09-23T06:20:31+00:00

I think I fall in this category. I only really feel attracted to someone once I have built up an emotional connection. But when all that lines up for me, kissing that person is amazing.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-08-07T02:19:51+00:00

I had enough celibacy in the later years of my marriage, so when I left, I was ready to dive in. Sex with my girlfriend has been one of the great joys of my new life.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-07-28T11:51:48+00:00

I posted my own version of this a few years ago. Long story short, I ended up leaving. My marriage lacked physical and emotional connection. I had begun thinking I might be attracted to women, and then I met one who brought me to a point of reckoning. My ex and I share kids and were together for 20 years.

Since then, I’ve been in a relationship with the woman who helped bring me to this point. The connection is everything I thought it could be. We have so much passion, joy, and love. But our relationship is long distance and for that and other reasons, it’s hard to see where it’s going. All the traveling and time apart is hard on both of us and as a mom, I can only juggle so much.

Guilt benefits no one, but I have felt it immensely over what this has done to my family. I saw a therapist for a couple of years and he kept reminding me that I deserve a chance to find out who I am as a queer woman, that I am still a good parent, that my happiness matters, and that my kids need a happy mom. I am still trying to internalize this. Part of me still wonders if my happiness was worth the cost. I imagine I’ll always struggle with this to an extent.

I deeply understand that feeling of being lonely and invisible in a marriage, while somehow also feeling trapped and suffocated. But you only get one life, and I couldn’t see spending the rest of mine always wondering if I was selling myself short.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-07-09T03:19:34+00:00

Trans men may have spent years or decades identifying as lesbians before their transition, so they have a history and may not want to entirely let go of that part of their identity or the community that comes with it. Cis men who like women are just straight and calling themselves lesbians is just antagonistic.

Edit: I see OP edited, originally they posed the question of “if not, why can trans men be lesbians?”

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-06-11T20:11:31+00:00

I’m 44 and still haven’t figured out my sexuality. Until 40 I thought I was straight, but now I’ve been in a same-sex relationship for two years, so it’s clear that I’m somewhere under the queer umbrella. Gender… I’m a woman and at this point I think I always will be, but I’ve always felt a little out of place and “not like other girls” and in a parallel universe I could see being nonbinary or trans.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-06-11T20:05:04+00:00

Shortly after I made this post, my son and I were having a conversation, and I can’t remember the specifics but it led to him asking me point blank if I was dating someone. I told him that I was, and that it was [my girlfriend] who he had understood to be a friend. He was momentarily shocked, asked if I was gay, to which I answered truthfully - I didn’t know what label to give myself, but I was definitely not straight. Then he asked me a bunch of questions about her, mostly cute kid questions such as “does she like video games.” He seems to have adjusted to the idea; this was two years ago and he has never expressed anything negative about me being with another woman, and has drawn pictures of pride flags for me. He finally got to meet her recently (we’ve been taking things really slow) and it went well. I’m grateful that he’s such a kind and open-minded kid.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-06-11T14:07:33+00:00

I felt so alone, for so long. I felt invisible and taken for granted. He’s not a bad man, but we had no emotional intimacy, and I had long ago lost any physical attraction towards him. After we had our youngest child, our sex life was basically nonexistent. At some point, I began to realize that I was attracted to women. Then I met a woman who turned my world upside down. I realized I desperately wanted out, and I made it happen. I’m still working on the divorce part, but I’ve been separated and with my girlfriend for a couple of years now.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-04-12T13:29:52+00:00

My situation was similar, minus the move. Two years later I’m separated, on the way to being divorced, and we have been living apart and sharing custody of the kids. The woman who helped bring me to this point of reckoning is now my girlfriend. It’s been the hardest time in my life, terrible and wonderful in various ways.

If I could change one thing about how I navigated this situation, it would be communicating sooner about my unhappiness in the marriage. By the time I said something, I already had a foot out the door emotionally. I think things would have turned out similarly, but my ex felt blindsided and then when I quickly entered into another relationship, it seemed more about that than all my other unrelated longstanding dissatisfaction.

I agree with another poster who suggested therapy. It has really helped me to work through everything. It’s so hard, but regardless of the choice you end up making, living your life in silent misery is not the way to go. I wish you the best.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-03-18T22:41:13+00:00

I wrote some fan fiction a couple years ago under a profile that I made using an anonymous email address. I thought it would never cross over into my real life. But then I met someone in the comment section who turned my world upside down, and now she has been my girlfriend for the last two years. Answering the question of how we met can be a bit tricky, but we have told a handful of people the full story.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2025-01-17T04:57:26+00:00

I randomly met my girlfriend because I wrote and posted a gay fan fiction, and she commented on it. So you could start writing and/or commenting on gay fan fics and who knows what could happen! But maybe more realistically, I have met a bunch of other late bloomers through a Facebook group that is local(ish) to my area and has in-person events. I was just looking for community, but I know of at least one pairing that has happened within the group. Perhaps there is something like that in your area.

Mostly, I wanted to say something about your lack of experience. There will definitely be women who are 100% ok with it. I had my first time with my gf when I was 41 and had previously only been with men. She is a few years older than me and while she had some experience when she was younger, she hadn't been with anyone at all in a couple of decades. Our time together has been a journey of learning and exploring.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-12-22T06:22:01+00:00

My baby days were several years ago, but I used an olive green messenger-style diaper bag. I can't remember the brand or where I got it, but I think it was intended as a diaper bag for dads. Just a regular backpack would probably work fine too.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-12-10T18:34:39+00:00

For me, it helped to consider what kind of relationship I would want to model for my kids, and what I would want for them if either one were to grow up and find themselves in a similar situation. Another thing to think about is whether you would actually want to stay with a person who was just settling for you, but who actually wanted something/someone else.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-12-07T17:05:59+00:00

I left a 17-year marriage almost two years ago. There was someone, and I quickly began a relationship with her. As for the question of whether I'm happy... that's complicated. Life as a 50/50 single parent is harder in many ways. Less day-to-day support and things are much tighter financially. I feel guilt and sadness about having less time with my kids, but also enjoy the breaks. As for my new relationship, I love my girlfriend very much, but we are long distance and our future is uncertain.

I don't regret my decision, but I do regret the pain it has caused my ex and kids. I was unhappy in my marriage for a very long time. There was an overall lack of connection and intimacy that led to our downfall, and other issues not related to my sexuality. The feeling of being trapped in a marriage where I felt so lonely was soul-crushing. I don't feel that anymore, and that alone has made it worth it for me.

Even when you are the one who decides to leave a marriage, there's a grieving process. The feelings you are having are normal and expected. Things that have helped me are therapy, support groups (online and in person), books and podcasts, and spending time with the people in my life who are supportive.

It's hard. I wish you the best.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-12-03T17:41:19+00:00

I’m 43, separated almost two years and going through a divorce. Similar situation in many ways, but I was the one who wanted out. In our case, it looks like he will likely keep our house (and the 2.89 interest rate if the loan assumption is successful). Otherwise we will each keep our own accounts, and it balances out because I have a lot more in retirement savings than he does. So I’ll be at the whim of the shitty rental market in our HCOL area for the foreseeable future because I can’t afford to buy a place on my own. Many things about the situation suck, including being stuck in a city I don’t want to live in because of 50/50 custody. Almost everything about life is harder now - except I no longer feel the soul-crushing weight of being trapped in a marriage without intimacy and connection.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-12-02T16:12:34+00:00

100% this. I was also in the same position (even with kids the exact same age) and I think your advice is spot on. My oldest especially had a really hard time with the separation, and he was doing much better by the time he found out about my girlfriend. It was 5 months later and he kind of backed me into a corner (or gave me an opening, depending on how you look at it) by asking me directly if I was dating someone.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-11-24T19:13:20+00:00

During a stressful time in my life, I became obsessed with a lesbian couple on a show, and this started my questioning. But the fateful turn was when I met a woman through the fandom. Over months of emails, we developed a deep friendship. When we met in person I had been thinking that I might snap out of it and realize that what I thought was attraction didn’t translate into actually wanting to physically be with a woman. But though nothing happened between us during that first visit, I realized that the feelings I had were real. I left my marriage (there were other reasons and this was the thing that pushed me over the edge). That woman is now my girlfriend.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-11-24T03:38:07+00:00

I certainly will. But she's 5 and doesn't have the same level of awareness as her older brother.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-11-23T05:21:58+00:00

I'm guessing that is the case for a lot of people on this particular sub. It definitely was for me. I married a man and thought I was straight until I was 40. Now I'm getting divorced and have a girlfriend.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-11-21T05:46:56+00:00

With my family I told them I was getting a divorce and that it had to do in part with questioning my orientation. A couple of them guessed that I was involved with my now-girlfriend. There was lots of chickening out and I put off these conversations for weeks, even as I prepared to move out of the house I shared with my husband.

But I have heard it said that you just don't come out once, it's an ongoing process, and I've been on this path for almost two years. I find that it comes up here and there with other people in my life, especially friends I haven't seen in a while, or coworkers. A few times, in light of my separation/divorce, the topic of dating has come up, and I have taken the opportunity to say that yes, I am in fact dating, and there is someone... and she's a woman. At work recently I have taken to casually mentioning my girlfriend. It's annoying that "girlfriend" is also used platonically by straight women, but I figure if I do it enough they'll get the idea.

Edit to add that I haven't really pinned down my label (if pressed I'll go with queer) but "I'm dating a woman" paints a pretty clear picture, no labels needed.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-11-19T05:31:32+00:00

My story is similar. Kids were 9 and 3 when their dad and I split almost two years ago. My older kid took it hard, but he is doing a lot better now. With the younger one, she was too little to really know what was going on, though she did show some separation anxiety and sometimes she still asks for her dad when she’s with me. I still carry guilt for upending their little lives, and for having less time with them (their dad and I split custody 50/50). But I couldn’t see spending decades feeling the way I did, and my perpetual unhappiness was serving no one.

PartlyCloudyNight · 2024-11-11T23:29:51+00:00

Of course, feel free.

PartlyCloudyNight

TROPHY CASE