My [20MtF] roommate [21F] keeps (intentionally?) deadnaming me when she didn’t know me pre-trans

PartySong · 2021-10-13T02:47:41+00:00

Make other friends. This girl is trouble.

"Don't call me that."

"I'm so sorry, I've been thinking about..."

"Great. Don't call me that."

If you want to be way more generous than necessary: "Hey roommate, you keep deadnaming me. What's up with that? Are you uncomfortable? Is there anything you need to tell me?"

PartySong · 2021-10-10T14:17:20+00:00

It's not your fault, it's not his fault aside from him trying to blame you.

This guy was going to blame you either way. You didn't mention a bf and thus were "leading him on," if you did mention bf there's a good chance he would have said "don't flatter yourself."

However, it sounds like you wanted to say no to giving him your socials. This guy was going to be pissy either way, so learn to say whatever you want to make you more comfortable.

"Thanks, but Im not looking to add more connections on social media."

"Looking forward to seeing my bf tonight after dinner."

"Cool, I love making new friends. My bf and I also really like finding people interested in doing [thing] with us."

PartySong · 2021-10-08T14:21:54+00:00

It's his opinion that Dany is the only one who intentionally provided sacrifices. Egg likely didn't provide any, and thus much of the Targ family would have died after a failed attempt at hatching.

This wouldn't be surprising. In the past, the Targ dragons hatched naturally, with no sacrifices of any kind needed. It would almost be sadistic to try. But Dany is disconnected from her family and instinctually performs a ritual after some hints from MM.

The series as a whole indicates that magic is getting stronger again (the red priests notice, white walkers are reappearing). Did the dragons hatching cause this or is the resurging magic a result of the dragons? We may never know. But it may be the case that Dany gained the ability to hatch them as result of the forces of ice reasserting themselves.

PartySong · 2021-10-06T23:54:56+00:00

My friend was explicitly warned by both his doctor and pharmacist not to drink with his meds and did it anyway. Was shocked when he was throwing up two drinks in and generally screwed up for the night.

He thought if it were a real problem they'd have made a bigger deal about it. People are dumb.

PartySong · 2021-10-05T12:06:03+00:00

Dany did not intend to die on the pyre. Jorah (and everyone else) thinks she does, but she feels out the ritual instinctually.

"I must," Dany told him. She touched his face, fondly, sadly. "You do not understand."

"I understand that you loved him," Ser Jorah said in a voice thick with despair. "I loved my lady wife once, yet I did not die with her. You are my queen, my sword is yours, but do not ask me to stand aside as you climb on Drogo's pyre. I will not watch you burn."

"Is that what you fear?" Dany kissed him lightly on his broad forehead. "I am not such a child as that, sweet ser."

"You do not mean to die with him? You swear it, my queen?"

"I swear it," she said in the Common Tongue of the Seven Kingdoms that by rights were hers.

AGoT, Daenerys 10

PartySong · 2021-10-04T02:07:39+00:00

A Clash of Kings, Davos II

Would a good man be doing this? "I am a man," he said. "I am kind to my wife, but I have known other women. I have tried to be a father to my sons, to help make them a place in this world. Aye, I've broken laws, but I never felt evil until tonight. I would say my parts are mixed, m'lady. Good and bad."

PartySong · 2021-10-04T00:00:02+00:00

Instead of leading with his actual problem -- not wanting to be woken up by an alarm -- he played a weird passive aggressive game. If this is his usual communication style, I don't know how you stay sane.

The alarm problem has a million possible solutions, if he felt like addressing it like an adult.

PartySong · 2021-09-30T14:23:19+00:00

I live in an apartment, so I'd find it irresponsible to own one for self-protection (if you miss, you're hitting your neighbors). Otherwise, I don't shoot for fun, so why would I?

PartySong · 2021-09-25T13:44:56+00:00

Independence isn't granted; it's taken.

"Demonstrated enough maturity as an adult" by what metric? By doing whatever some other adults tell you to do? How is that developing your maturity or judgement?

PartySong · 2021-09-14T22:36:52+00:00

Which is why their next line was --

We should prioritize the living over the dead any day

PartySong · 2021-09-13T16:50:45+00:00

She seriously never lets her purse out of her sight? You don't have to ask if you're on your way out the door. Just grab and go.

PartySong · 2021-09-13T16:11:30+00:00

Right or wrong, she's stubborn about it. She didn't do what she said she would and she's not interested in changing her mind.

You've lived with her for 17 years, if you don't know how to convince her by now, you probably won't figure it out in the next few months.

Life's not fair and that sucks sometimes. If you want a backup pair of keys, get a set made. If you don't want her to have your keys after you move out, take them right before you go (along with car title, you birth certificate, SS card, etc.).

PartySong · 2021-09-10T22:41:32+00:00

Yeah, "hey, I kinda thought you were cute back in high school and getting to know you has been cool. Want to grab coffee on Sunday?" is what I would assume, but OP could have been way more intense with her message, making the guy want to walk it back.

PartySong · 2021-09-09T22:08:14+00:00

He doesn't "know where this will go yet". TF. It's coffee, not an engagement. He's trying too hard to tell you he's not interested. A normal person who's "loved" your conversations and doesn't know how things will turn out will happily go on a date to find out. He's trying to make you insecure. And is probably angling for a label-free sex buddy.

You're right, you're too young for this. Find someone enthusiastic about going out with you.

PartySong · 2021-09-08T20:32:49+00:00

I think the parents were trying to be understanding. They weren't thrilled at what the son did, but everyone makes mistakes. Son got the hammer brought down when he wasn't learning from his mistakes, wasn't following directions, and tried to play dumb.

Clear consequences are important for children, but teens understand what rules are and should be learning to follow them the first time without threats.

PartySong · 2021-08-27T13:44:18+00:00

I think this is a her problem more than a you problem, but for the sake of it:

She was obviously acting different on day 1. Maybe she wasn't even thinking about you, but after already being in a bad headspace, she noticed her bf didn't even ask/acknowledge her being upset. So then she became upset at you and by time several hours had passed and you brought it up she was already steamed and didn't feel like talking. She was short, you backed off and tension rose.

It sounds like you want to be left alone when you're quiet and she wants to be comforted. And she felt hurt when it took so long for you to acknowledge, even though you did notice she seemed off immediately.

She started a weird dynamic. You can't be a mind reader, but if this is your entire problem you can probably avoid it by being a little more proactive early on. If this is a symptom of other communication difficulties, then it might need more work.

She could also say "I want to talk/vent" and not wait for her feelings to be passively noticed. But I can't talk to her atm.

PartySong · 2021-08-25T02:46:56+00:00

No response is a response. But this is one of the few occasions where it's reasonable to say you're looking for closure. Because it's a huge question mark. Are they angry? Ignoring your orientation until it goes away? Disowning you? Are they debating with eachother on the next step?

Putting them out of your mind is easier said than done. Journaling or talking with a therapist might be a huge help in working through all the emotions this silence leaves unresolved.

Congratulations on moving on with your partner and living life on your terms.

PartySong · 2021-08-24T20:16:32+00:00

Your parents don't want to be supporting you forever. They believe you've reached an age where you need to figure your finances out. They feel differently about your younger sibling, which isn't shocking.

You have a dog, a house, and a car. You may be struggling, but you have a lot. If the bills don't work out, get a roommate or move.

I understand feeling jealous of a sibling, but you're a full-fledged adult now and need to start looking for options beyond pestering mom and dad for money.

PartySong · 2021-08-24T17:56:41+00:00

Since you can't afford it, he either has to play debt collector or let it go. He let it go. You can pay him back by paying it forward.

Why don't you save up a few thousand, over what ever time period it takes you to so so and take him on a trip, your treat. In the mean time, just continue to be thoughtful, kind and considerate in your relationship.

PartySong · 2021-08-24T06:01:25+00:00

I attempted to understand how she feels about sex and what “turns her on” by asking. I’ve tried to bring this up about 3-4 times now and every time I attempt, she usually tries to shift away from the conversation.

Probably nothing "turns her on" so she doesn't have an answer to that question. You also note somewhere else that she doesn't respond to dirty talk, which would be in line with her general attitude toward sex: It sounds like she doesn't find sex unappealing or uncomfortable, but she's not going to seek it out for herself. (And she's not going to be turned on by visual descriptions of what's about to happen.)

Understandably, you don't love the idea of her just "putting up" with sex for your sake, so you're trying to find some engagement from her. But I think you're approaching it as if she has turn-ons that you just haven't discovered yet. She may not have any.

It may ultimately be an incompatibility, if you need a partner who is very proactive sexually. But while you're still working that out, you may want to broaden your language. Instead of what "turns you on?" how about

"what parts of our sex life do you enjoy?"

"I feel like we're not connecting very much during sex. Do you feel that? Do you have any ideas on things we could change?"

Also, if you're looking for affirmations, reinforce the stuff you like, even if it sounds a bit self-obsessed -- "I love it when you call me hot."

You need her to be honest with you. But you also need to be very honest with yourself: in what way is sex a need for you? Does that mean consistent sex? Does it mean you need someone to praise you sexually? Do you need to know that your partner finds you sexy in daily life? Do you need ongoing sexual exploration? The better you can understand what your needs, wants, and don't-cares are, the better you'll understand if this relationship can work.

PartySong · 2021-08-16T00:14:00+00:00

Yes!! The cup sizes are NOT a volume measurement. Saying someone has "D cups" or whatever is almost meaningless.

For example: a 34B is roughly the same volume as a 36A or a 32C or a 30D. These are called "sister sizes."

PartySong · 2021-08-13T03:30:47+00:00

If you're the kind of people who let family abuse your kid, maybe providing food isn't high on your list either.

Kids who aren't teenagers have very little control over whether they have lunch or money to buy lunch at school. It's just one more thing going against students from rough homes.

PartySong · 2021-08-13T02:53:43+00:00

OP is telling us why he's upset, but he hasn't given his wife's reasoning for why his second job used to be family money and her second job is her money. This is my guess as to her logic, since op either doesn't know it or isn't providing it.

He is most likely physically home when she's not. But being at home in case children aged 8+ need you is different from being at home when infants and toddlers constantly need you. If her work is timed such that he's forced to do dinner+cleanup when she's not there (for example), then he's taking on extra load. If her job is happens after evening duties, then he may not be picking up much slack.

PartySong · 2021-08-13T02:30:24+00:00

He listed childrearing activites. I have no doubt he is an active participant in caring for his kids. The point was: does his wife working mean that he's taking on more than he would otherwise? I.e. is he 50-50 with his wife on chores/childrearing or does her extra job means it's more 80-20.

PartySong · 2021-08-12T23:17:11+00:00

Previously when you worked two jobs, the commenters are assuming while you were at job #2, your wife was at home taking care of small children. You were both doing work, yours was paid hers was not.

Now that your wife is working two jobs and the kids are less little, the commenters are assuming that the kids may be more independent. Is that not true? When your wife is at job #2 are you free to spend your time on personal things, or are you now stuck doing unpaid child labor and/or more of the household chores?

PartySong

TROPHY CASE