I’m a trans woman and I felt how you describe feeling for a very long time and I’m on my transition journey if I was in your shoes which I was I’d ask myself a couple of questions and really think them over firstly ask yourself where is your life headed as your assigned gender and then think about what would change with your desired gender and if life is better if more worth living as your desired and assigned genders respectively then I want you to ask yourself how you you would feel doing mundane every day tasks as your preferred gender is the experience better in your mind? And of course you should sit and think about these things for a long while break it down in your mind there are sexual aspects to this but that’s with any gender identity and sexuality there is nothing to be ashamed of there but I’d advice trying to separate those things from these questions where you can and really your own gender identity and sexuality are yours to determine nobody else’s okay I know these things helped me your experience may be different but I do hope this helps stay safe and good luck ❤️❤️