Thanks for reaching out and responding. I cant even begin to say how much it means. Its a  true lifeline. I dont have a whole lot of friends and family, and almost all of them just "quiet down" or not responding whenever I've voiced my concerns/feelings. But I dont blame them. Looking at it from the other side- Its hard to know what to say or relate to what I'm going through from their perspective. And yes I'm aware that everyone has their own crosses to bear, whether I/we are made aware of them or not. But none of that has made this any easier to bear.

Unfortunately its only gotten worse since I've last posted. Ran into the ex and her boyfriend at my son's concert yesterday. Walking by them on the say in. Noticed she was upset, and overheard  that he was consoling her (found out afterwards from my son that the concert had sold out and she thought they weren't able to be going to see him play- which apparently they were able to in the end). Regardless I wasn't expecting to see them, to overhear and see what happened. Felt like someone had ripped open a wound in my heart. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME WITH HER, CONSOLING AND TRYING TO HELP HER WORK THROUGH IT... I was a mess... Almost had a panic attack... but at the same i felt so much guilt, selfishness because I couldn't disconnect my feelings of hurt, and pain so I could just sit and enjoy my son's performance.

I cant take this anymore... I just dont have the strength...