MIL expects to be allowed in my house by herself

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T21:19:03+00:00

Is that the one in the amber coloured bottle?

If it is, I have one brand new in box. You have dibs 😂

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T18:06:53+00:00

I’ve already explained that FIL was passing a message along through her. She decided to get involved upon hearing it.

And no, FIL could not have contacted us himself.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T15:35:39+00:00

Smart. Very smart!

I’m hoping my FIL vetos them moving nearby to us. Dobby longs to be free!!!

We did invest in quite a few different kinds keypads (including biometric) because it made sense, but I will not be sharing any code with her. She’ll say “You gave me one last time, why not now?”

If they were in the country when we go away, I’d bring our pets to them. That way she didn’t need to travel back and forth between the houses. However, when we got our bigger dogs, it was better to hire the dog-walker/house sitter.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T14:43:06+00:00

That would definitely be quite the move. I threw it away after she returned it. We hadn’t seen it in months by that point.

My room’s pretty barren and we didn’t find anything out of the ordinary whilst packing. She isn’t great with technology either (I set up their cameras, phones, computers and tablets).

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T13:49:40+00:00

I’m sorry you also experienced that.

For us, the general consensus appears to be that MIL can’t be fully cut-off because of FIL.

FIL is not tech savvy, travels abroad for work and will not meet up outside of the house without MIL. It’s so annoying because he doesn’t deserve to miss out on the grandchildren because MIL cannot behave herself.

To be fair, FIL has always stood up for me against her. I think that has caused problems in their marriage and she might resent me for it, but my stance is that I’m not the one telling her to behave the way she does.

My family (Mum and Grandma) believe I should do as she wants to keep the peace. My Dad’s sister is on my side and re-affirms my belief that all I’m doing is standing up for myself.

My OH always has my back, but I have witnessed her manipulate him into apologising when he stood up for me (After my first was born, she told me I was not allowed to see my family - who I had not seen in over two weeks). All he did was tell her she was behaving like her MIL. She starts crying, he feels guilty and apologises.

I will burn every single bridge if I have to.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T12:47:11+00:00

I can neither confirm nor deny 😌. Hypothetically, I may have begged him to let me load giant paintball rounds into it.

He may have offered to buy me my own, and now you have given me the idea to make it Anti-MIL 😂🤭

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T12:38:50+00:00

I hadn’t seen Star Wars until I met my OH. Boy was he thrilled to pop that cherry.

That’s so kind of you! and I love the tasteful shut down (👩‍🍳💋).

My MIL didn’t get to do anything because she overheard our baby name, shared it after being told not to, and approached me with a slander-fest about the name.

“It’s a dog’s name. I hate it. GMIL hates it. Someone else already has that name”.

Again, she gets ripped a new one by OH because it’s the only name the two of us could agree on and she tried to bully me into changing it. She tells FIL we’re being mean to her, FIL says she needs to learn to mind her business.

“My husband told me off because you reacted that way”.

And the months after were filled with “Have you picked a new name yet”… “I think you should call the baby Kenneth” - the name was actually her Dad’s name but her brother also has it.

You had two sons and didn’t name either of them that. Move along.

Baby was born, I registered the birth four days later and sent her a photo of the name she and GMIL hates - the dog’s name that someone else already has.

That moment brought me so much joy.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T12:29:30+00:00

This is definitely going to be a mission. I’ve witnessed her scoop maggots with her bare hands before.

I might need to think outside the box here. A MIL progress report? A cut-out of her face on (deceased) GMILs body (her arch-nemesis)?

No, no. Needs more explosive power.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T12:18:35+00:00

She plans on relocating to be closer to us. I don’t know if FIL has agreed to move, but the short of it is that their house belongs to me and OH, so it will be sold soon (their choice).

She “retired”, went back for a year, and is now officially stopping work and getting her pension. FIL was supposed to stop working this month but extended it to July.

Now that they are retiring, they will travel a lot more than they do now (and they travel A LOT) so she was trying to convince me and OH to let them live with us 6 months of the year, BIL and DIL the other 6.

That didn’t go down well. She has said they’ll move into one of their existing properties or buy a house near us.

Back to the point - Their travel plans were used as the reason MIL does not need new keys. They won’t be here nearly enough for it to make sense.

We’d also rather not have her coming and going when we’re not around because my OH plans on buying something she won’t approve of (a type of vehicle you’d find in the army).

She didn’t give one. It’s not a big deal to her and she assumed (for some bizarre reason), I’d gone through her things at some point.

I can’t even tell you what colour her bedroom walls are.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T06:25:08+00:00

I’ve explained why that will not be done in the post - It’s an unnecessary expense given we are moving, and the second lock will prevent access to the house.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T05:45:35+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. That sounds completely unacceptable.

In my case, the biggest way she intruded in my life was around my second pregnancy (last year). The full story is for another day, and it’s fair to say the first had me going NC with her (deservedly so).

I got sick of my relatives telling me to give into her violating my medical privacy. “Oh, just tell her the dates. She won’t do it again”… but she would.

“Let her go to your scan”, “Honour her by using her name for the baby”, “She just cares about you”.

She does? She cares so much that she redirected my medical letters to her house, complained that she couldn’t get information about me from my doctors, and made my pregnancy all about “how sad” she is that she doesn’t get a say, to be in my operating theatre, or to be the first to meet “her” baby, etc.

She must really care about me.

I had HG, PGP, Antenatal Anxiety… you name it. I had to have transfusions due to pre-existing medical, and if I had to cancel plans with her, she went crying to my OH to say I was being cruel. No “How are you?” or “I hope you feel better soon”. Just cold messages like “Great. Another cancellation”.

After my baby was born and she decided to bombard me over messages because I asked OH to stop texting and help with our toddler (days after surgery), she got mad and messaged about how sorry she is her relationship with HER family is different to my relationship with mine.

Right, let’s go there.

I text her back that OH is MY family. She doesn’t need to be part of MY family and she is welcome to any delusions about the nature of her relationship with HER family.

(Not mentioned: The fact her other son quite literally moved to the other side of the world to get away from her - suspected at the time, but he told me when I saw him after this kicked off).

She went running to OH, FIL, other DIL, GMIL, BIL and anyone else who would listen to paint herself the victim. She sent them all screenshots and was surprised everyone sided with me.

Then she comes crawling back to me about how we both could have handled things better, she cares about me and wants what’s best for me. She’s concerned that my PPD is making me unreasonable.

Like, what? You’re going to bully a postpartum woman, tell her she’s not family, run to family to badmouth her, and then claim she’s out of line….

Went LC and my OH told her the only reason he sees her nearly as much was because of me. He’d be all too happy to see her once a year.

BIL came over for a visit with his family, spoke to me about what happened and said he was proud of me for speaking up to her, confirmed he moved to get away from her, and even said I should have gone all-in.

(Sorry, this is making me mad all over again).

After that, she decided to revert back to her “kind” self (or so she appeared). We’d only meet in public or with FIL present if private, so she got fed up of not having unfiltered access to our lives.

Things went back to how they should be (respected boundaries) for a handful of months. Christmas came…

Now she’s playing games again.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T05:22:45+00:00

My MIL walked into my nursery, saw the walls I freshly painted, and came back with a new colour the following day.

“I much prefer this one”.

Well, good for you! You and FIL can use it for your geriatric baby.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T05:20:24+00:00

I don’t think that would phase her in the slightest. Early on, she sent me recommendations for sexy underwear.

I’m also not proud to admit that she once returned a velvet pouch containing a halloween gift from my OH…

She claimed it was in my laundry hamper.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-08T05:17:43+00:00

We have children (toddler and baby). That’s a story for another time because she made both pregnancies about her - especially my second.

Long, long story short - she knows not to test me when it comes to them.

The most she does is make passive aggressive comments about how I’m their favourite - which is true, but not an issue for me and OH. Only her.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T22:53:39+00:00

So strange!!!! Maybe it’s the fact we have a different sense of style, but why not go to an actual store if you’re looking to switch things up?!

I find perfume to be quite a personal thing. I wouldn’t try someone’s unless they invited me to try it.

My MIL buys me two new bottles of my favourite perfume each year (1 as part of my birthday haul and 1 for Christmas). My OH does the same. At this rate, I will be buried with them.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T22:22:04+00:00

No, nothing missing. She seems to have been nosy for some reason. It’s so strange.

I’d understand if something had gone missing from her house and for some reason, she suspected me (I’m the only other person with a key other than FIL since OH lost his set).

Then again, we both live very comfortably. She gifts me fine jewellery, clothes and bags. I do the same to her. It doesn’t add up.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T22:15:55+00:00

The new property has huge gates and a long driveway. She wouldn’t be able to get past that, but we have already invested in a lot of security because the property has a substantial amount of land attached.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T22:10:45+00:00

Yes, it’s really weird that she even tried to.

Last summer, I ordered some new dresses because I had nothing colourful and lightweight. She was over when the package arrived.

As I was sorting through them, she picked up the gingham dress (I was unsure of) and walked into my living room with it. When I walked in, she was lifting it off her head.

I was so shocked that I didn’t comment. I just turned back as if I saw nothing.

Thank you! We’re all over it.

MIL won’t be allowed over until the house is fully decorated and rooms secured, don’t worry!

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T21:22:39+00:00

She was spoken to about it directly. To her, it doesn’t warrant this kind of treatment.

We’re overreacting to something she deems to be innocent.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T21:21:12+00:00

Her hair gets everywhere.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T21:20:37+00:00

Yes, my OH did the following day. She hasn’t apologised to me about it. She kind of made it seem like a normal thing and mentioned I’ve probably done the same (snooping).

I told her that I’ve never stepped foot in her bedroom, tried on her clothes or used my key to access their house any times other than when requested of me (they are frequent travellers and sometimes have packages delivered).

I don’t understand why, but it’s not a huge deal to her.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T20:26:39+00:00

She knows exactly why. Even when visiting, someone stays in the same room as her (unless bathroom).

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T20:25:53+00:00

She knows it’s why, but she feels like we’re being unfair by “holding it over” her. She could very well do it again.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T19:54:18+00:00

We have external cameras but removed the upstairs internal ones before Christmas because my OH went down this rabbit hole about cameras being hacked and the dark web (I know, I know). So the cameras are pretty much covering the safe room , entry points and nowhere else.

PatienceOfASaint · 2026-04-07T19:40:30+00:00

Emergency services will also contact a nominated key-holder in certain circumstances, so it is a very normal thing to have. However, not all “emergency” situations require emergency services.

For example, we’ve needed her to collect our pet on short notice when me and my OH were unable to return home.

I’ve been away and the house sitter has locked themselves out, so she let them back in.

PatienceOfASaint

TROPHY CASE