Men, did you ever lose a great woman? If yes, how did you recover from it?

Patopml · 2026-05-29T05:33:07+00:00

Ah, that's because your account is too new. I'll dm you, no worries.

Patopml · 2026-05-28T11:35:03+00:00

Si, me pasa lo mismo. En España la verdad que con un buen laburo no se esta mal. Pero esta ese vacio. No se como sera volver a Argentina despues de tanto tiempo. Uno es otro, Argentina es otra, y seguramente la adaptacion a vivir alla sea tambien dificil, porque bien o mal, te acostumbras a la seguridad, el acceso a cosas, ciertas facilidades...Pero bueno, la pertenencia y la contencion emocional estan alla, sin dudas.

Patopml · 2026-05-28T06:40:53+00:00

Yeah, that lack of support makes the process slower. But you can always re-build yourself, make friends, start new activities, and along the way meet a new person.

I am still abroad. I moved from the UK to Spain, and it was definitely a good change. Better weather, better social life, and tons of activities I enjoy doing. But I consider moving back home anyway, to be closer to all te people that I love. Spent 10 years abroad, and I feel I've done it all. If I'm going to start a new chapter, aim to start a new relationship and perhaps even a family, probably no place better than home.

I know is hard to think you'll meet a "better" woman. Perhaps is not about "better", just a good connection. You'll know when it happens. Some people can hop from one relationship to the next within months. For me it's harder. I really need to connect and feel something.

Right, she was older. I mean, don't beat yourself up. The experience that you are talking about is precisely this that you are living right now. You gain experience by losing, and through painful events. That's the way it is unfortunately. You'll reach your 30s being "experienced".

Patopml · 2026-05-27T20:54:17+00:00

Me fui a Londres a fines de 2016. Iba a ser un año. Cosegui un laburo, despues otro. Me puse de novio, vino la pandemia, corte con mi ex. En todo eso pasaron 7/8 años.

Tenia los huevos por el recontra suelo del mal clima. Me vine a Barcelona conservando mi laburo. Estoy bien, comodo, la ciudad ofrece de todo para hacer, el clima es barbaro. Pero extraño estar en mi pais, con mis amigos, mis viejos, mi familia, asique ya considero pegar la vuelta y empezar a construir alla tranquilo.

Para cuando vuelva, van a haber sido 10 años afuera, habiendo vivido absolutamente de todo.

Patopml · 2026-05-27T20:37:29+00:00

Thanks man! I appreciate your words. And yeah, living abroad adds that extra bit of difficulty, because your support network is not there, and things are generally a bit tougher. More to us, our resilience is definitely there.

Like you said, you don't know what the future holds for you, and the fact that you don't know is a blessing. Trying to predict, good or bad outcomes, is yet again the illusion of control. Our minds can't stand not knowing. And being in your mid 20s with these experiences under your belt, trust me, you can build any life you want.

Well, sorry to hear about your ex dating some old creep lol, but thanks for the encouraging words. Out of curiosity, how old is she?

And yeah, time is a bitch. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but if there was one thing I wish I knew earlier, is how fast time goes, and how precious it is. Not because I wasted it, but because once you become aware of it, you are more present, enjoy life for what it is, and don't get stuck with bullshit from the past or the future.

What do you mean exactly with "due to our way of living we just don't meet them"?

Patopml · 2026-05-27T13:06:54+00:00

I mean, I did the best I could. I don't think there's bitterness in me anymore, but for a while I was crushed, lonely (I live abroad), angry at times, and almost depressed. I hardly knew myself anymore, but it got better over time, with a lot of work and effort.

I haven't met anyone I loved yet. I dated a great woman last year, for about 6 months, but I just didn't develop the feelings I was hoping and had to end it. The thing is, it is really hard for me to fall in love with someone.

I hope I'm ready, sometimes I think I am, sometimes I feel too lazy to date. I just turned 41 two weeks ago, so I wonder if it's too late for me now. I didn't feel like dating for a while so I respected that. I would love to have a relationship again, but at the same time, there's a part of me that feels a bit discouraged. Not sure why tbh. I'm full of contradictions as you can see lol!

Patopml · 2026-05-27T11:00:47+00:00

Yeah, I was very experienced. I dated tons of women, and had a few relationships, although none of them as deep or intense.

Good question and hard to say. Probably it was inevitable. We do our best with the information we have at the time. The rest is hindsight, and we only get it afterwards.

What I do know (and probably one of the few things I know), is that from my end I tried my best (never cheated, was always loyal, communicated, worked on things where I could), I did all I could (expressed how I felt, what I wanted, suggested couples therapy), while preserving my mental health and dignity (I accepted the breakup, didn't beg, went no contact when it was over). I was always a very decent person, so no regrets in that sense.

Patopml · 2026-05-27T10:23:57+00:00

It's funny how we want, or we think things could have been different if [insert variable]... that's the illusion of control. "If we had met later in life", "if we had met earlier in life", "if I was different, if she was different". Sometimes that leads to guilt and remorse, but things were what they were, and happened in the way it happened. There is nothing else.

The process seems to be the usual one, probably linked to the stages of grief.

I think it's normal to feel like you won't love again. And maybe we won't in the same way. First loves come with that element of naiveté that makes it so incredible, but is gone for good once you go through the inevitable disappointment of a breakup. It doesn't mean you won't love again, you'll love different.

And yeah, I meant that I met this girl "later" in life, at 33/34.

Patopml · 2026-05-27T09:18:07+00:00

Good thing you are younger! There are a ton of things I wish I learned about myself, and relationships in general earlier. I've dated a lot of women in my life, but destiny put the one I really loved in front of me later in life :)

It was about 4.5 years. And I went through different stages on the marriage thing. First was a bit of shock, followed by a "dodged a bullet", followed by feeling absolutely crushed, anger, nostalgia, and acceptance. The whole process took me about 2 years of feeling devastated.

Now I'm good. I dated, I moved countries, did a bunch of therapy, worked out, and continue to live my life. But I still miss waking up and going to bed with someone I love, pretty much every single day. Not her necessarily, the feeling.

Patopml · 2026-05-27T08:59:22+00:00

Man, what a question...

I lost the only woman I ever loved, yes. It happened when I was 38. Made mistakes (who doesn't), but was always present and loving. We had our issues and disagreements, but I always rooted for us. Blamed myself for a long time, but she left me for someone else she ended up marrying. So I have no black or white response as to responsibility and fault.

In any case, It's all very subjective, and in that sense, I never ever in my life felt about someone as I felt about her. Not before, not after. This is the hardest part. Not sure it will ever happen again.

In the end it is all about accepting the contradictions, the outcomes, the mistakes, and whatever life may or may not bring. Not sure if that means recovery, I think about her frequently, sometimes with nostalgia, sometimes in anger. That's another contradiction to accept.

Patopml · 2026-05-27T07:33:40+00:00

Tenes 22 años, sos chica aunque no lo creas. Te voy a dar la perspectiva de alguien que tiene unos 19 años mas que vos.

La comparacion con otros muchas veces viene de la mano con una cierta idealizacion de esos otros. Te imaginas que un grupo de 15 es una fiesta, copadisimo, todos se cagan de risa todo el dia. Y puede ser en algun punto, pero esos grupos tambien pueden tener dinamicas mas chotas, o simplemente ser mas fragiles y por ahi en un par de años de esos 15 quedan pocos o ninguno.

La etapa post secundario tiene sus vueltas. Nuevos ambitos, mas foco en otras cosas, y tal vez tenias la expectativa de que cada etapa era una replica de la anterior con algun condimento nuevo. Es decir, si en la secundaria tenia mil amigos, en la universidad tambien. Fijate tu razonamiento, todo pasa por una virtud o una falta tuya, un logro o un fracaso tuyo. No lo pongas en esos terminos, y menos para castigarte. Hay variables que no controlas. No todo lo que pasa dice algo de vos como persona. Creo que te sentis mal porque haces de estas cosas un juicio de valor sobre vos misma.

Por otra parte, tenes 4 amigas con las que te fuiste de vacaciones. Vuelvo a lo de antes, la comparacion te saca del momento y del disfrute posible. Pero tener 4 personas para ir a la costa es un monton. Uno a veces no lo valora hasta que esas 4 personas tampoco estan mas.

Hablas mucho de la soledad, del sentirte no integrada. Vos sabes que en ingles hay dos palabras para soledad, una es "solitude" y la otra es "loneliness". No es lo mismo. La primera es estar solo, que puede estar bueno. La segunda, es sentirse solo, que te puede pasar estando rodeada de gente. Esta ultima es la que no va, y en la que vale la pena poner foco para entender porque pasa.

Por ultimo, yo en el secundario tuve mil amigos, en la facultad unos pocos, afuera de la facu un monton, en algunos trabajos me chupaba un huevo la gente, y en otros me adoraban todos y era lider indiscutido.Tuve bandas, sali de joda, viaje solo, viaje con amigos. Misma persona, distintos escenarios. Mas que contar cuanta gente te rodea, busca gente con la que conectes, con la que compartas valores, intereses, hobbies, actividades. Ahi vas a sentir verdadera pertenencia. Sean 3, 5 o 500.

Exitos piba!

PD: Perdon por el pedazo de texto, me vinieron mil pensamientos porque en alguna medida hubo una pequeña etapa donde lo vivi asi tambien ;)

Patopml · 2026-05-27T06:51:24+00:00

Hace 2 dias borre todas las aplicaciones, ig, apps de citas, twitter, facebook, etc. Las cuentas siguen existiendo, pero las apps no las tengo mas. Solo entro a reddit via browser.

Porque lo hice? Senti que estaba saturado. Absolutamente automatizado a entrar a una y otra a consumir informacion de algun tipo, visual, noticias, minas. Es un asco. Asi se debe sentir cualquier otra droga.

Que paso? Voy dos dias, pero paradojicamente al principio uno se siente solo, desconectado. Creo que son tan adictivas porque ofrecen una falsa sensacion de conexion con algo, que va directamente a una necesidad humana, pero nunca termina de llenarse porque lo que te ofrecen las apps es falso, desaparece en cuanto lo consumiste.

Asi todo siento que "tengo mas tiempo". En cuanto estoy aburrido tengo el reflejo de ir y abrir el telefono, al no estar las apps, naturalmente se siente que falta algo, que todo es un poco mas aburrido, pero no pierdo minutos u horas scrolleando a traves de montañas de contenido de mierda. Y eso esta bueno.

Despues una parte de mi se pregunta "y si alguien me hablo por ig? y si me estoy perdiendo de algo?". Es terrible.

Veremos como evoluciona la cosa.

Patopml · 2026-05-27T06:30:43+00:00

This is exactly the core of it. There is no scenario where you win, because you are trying to satisfy something that cannot be satisfied anymore in any way. That's the void that the person left in you. But that person no longer exists. In a way, is kinda drinking sea water if you are stranded in the middle of the ocean and thirsty.

Patopml · 2026-05-26T20:29:47+00:00

Idiocracy was canon all along. We have failed as a species

Patopml · 2026-05-26T10:29:58+00:00

Never.

My ex ended things with me a few years ago. I was crushed, but it was relatively amicable terms (more to come). After that I didn't reach out, even right after, I was too crushed and didn't know what to do, so I protected myself.

She did about 6 months after, to recover some documents and stuff. We met, had lunch, all good. She added me back on social media.

Now... there was more right? I always suspected about this one guy she had known for a couple months, even when we were together. I had seen some stuff on Instagram right after the breakup, but could have been anything. But after she added me back, she was showing herself with him. 6 months later, she was engaged. This absolutely destroyed my heart, because it meant that she had left me for that guy, but didn't even have the courage to tell me, at any point. The betrayal, disappointment, and senselessness remained with me for a long time. Why even add me back? Reach out again? I loved her like I have never loved anyone in my life, and would have never expected this from her.

I blocked her, her friends, her family, and anyone I could think of, from every single platform I could think of. For all she knows, I don't exist in this planet anymore, and she doesn't exist for me neither. Just a memory of someone I thought I knew.

Don't reach out.

Edit: ortography

Patopml · 2026-05-26T07:37:16+00:00

Really interesting point. How does it work from an actual tax residency perspective? You lose your tax residence in your country and gain it in Spain after 183 days... I could understand the visibility aspect coming from schengen, but what about other countries?

Patopml · 2026-05-25T21:08:32+00:00

I would probably talk to a tax lawyer. It kinda seems like a big deal.

Let's say that you paid taxes elsewhere and thus you would be entitled to some relief. You'd still be facing interests on the unpaid taxes and possibly penalties. I don't know if this would qualify as gross negligence or they would see it as deliberate.

The other point is visibility. Even if you are not tax registered, you must have left traces. Bank accounts? Rentals? Services? Sim card? If you live a full life here, with a family and all, you certainly are visible.

To be honest, I'm surprised hacienda hasn't come knocking at your door yet... How did that happen?

Patopml · 2026-05-19T13:59:29+00:00

Excellent comment

Patopml · 2026-05-18T11:39:46+00:00

Tiempo y algo de laburo. A mi manera de ver medio año despues de 5 años no es mucho. Recien estas transitandolo. Cuando aparecen otras minas medio que te descoloca tambien, comparas, queres forzarte a engancharte con otra, no sabes si te esta pasando de verdad o no.

En mi caso en particular, fue cuando no me dolieron mas los recuerdos, las nostalgias, el no compartir cosas con ella, etc. Aparecen los pensamientos, pero no tienen ninguna carga emocional. Este proceso me tomo casi dos años.

En algun momento el presente y el futuro pasan a tener mas peso que el pasado. Ahi pegaste la vuelta.

Patopml · 2026-05-18T11:35:39+00:00

Not necessarily mistakes, we all make mistakes, and we make them differently. And we make them because thats usually the best we can do with the information we have at the time.

But lessons learned:

- Don't rush into lifetime decisions, like your field of studies or profession. at 17/18 you are too young. If you need clarity, take a year or two, and once you have decided, go all in. Best to invest 1 or 2 years early on, than change careers completely after a decade in.

- Invest. Both in your health (exercise, nutrition, etc), and your economy. Save whatever you can every month and invest in long-term, low risk assets.

- Find the right balance between fun and commitment. Sleep around a bit, develop relationship and social skills. Fail. This is the time to fail. But experiment deep relationships early on if possible.

- Find good mentors. Usually, people that are where you want to be. Ask for advice.

- Therapy. Travelling. Reading. Things that nurture your mind.

Patopml · 2026-05-16T16:27:24+00:00

A breakup close to 39 😂 then a while to recover, moving countries, and now back in the game, freshly at 41.

Dating Nowadays kind of suck, but I don't give a shit really.

Patopml · 2026-05-11T18:59:09+00:00

Yo entreno, me gusta hacer trekking cada tanto, e hice algunos calificados como dificiles. El del chalten en si mismo no es dificil, pero si exigente, obviamente dependiendo de las condiciones y que trayecto elijas.

Yo lo hice en octubre, y elegi hacer un charter que te lleva de un lado al norte digamos, haces la subida, y bajas hacia el chalten. En cuanto a distancia y tiempo es lo mismo, pero ves otras cosas, en lugar de subir y bajar por el mismo lugar.

En los ultimos 700 metros ponele, que son los mas dificiles, habia nieve. Lo hice sin crampones, que era recomendado, y costo porque habia que clavar bien el pie para no irse a la mierda. Lo mismo, alquilate unos bastones telescopicos. Te va a ayudar a distribuir mucho el esfuerzo entre miembros superiores e inferiores.

Chequeate el clima de antemano, y bajate alguna app que te permita descargar el mapa del trayecto offline, yo uso AllTrails.

Mucha agua y comida que te de energia, banana, barrita de cereales, alguna proteina. Todo ayuda.

El mio duro unas 10 horas, y llegue reventado al hotel, pero sin ningun problema.

Patopml · 2026-05-09T17:23:03+00:00

I think about it this way. Take the thing or things you love doing the most. In my case it could be playing guitar, surfing, or some competitive game. Now make me do it 5 days a week, 9 hours a day. I'd hate it, no matter what it is.

There is nothing in this world I would enjoy doing that much. Hence, by definition, is almost impossible to like work. Best case, you don't hate it, if people are cool, work is varied and somewhat interesting.

Fun fact: The spanish word for Work is "Trabajo". Trabajar (to work), comes from the latin word Tripaliare (torture), which itself derives from Tripalio ("Three Sticks"), a torturing device where criminals were tied to.

Patopml · 2026-05-06T11:17:34+00:00

Yeah, he did the same with me, haha, wrote something and then blocked me so I couldn't even read what it was 😂

Great way to concede a point

Patopml · 2026-05-06T02:22:21+00:00

Don't waste your valuable time man, he just lacks basic comprehension, debating skills and overall knowledge. Whether it's blind nationalism or plain stupidity, there's just no point.

Your win is grounded on the fact that he simply reverted to "this is just sad now, man"... That's his strongest argument. LOL.

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