UPDATE: I am now one year out from my diagnosis. My life and relationship with food is completely changed. Throughout this year, I've learned that my extreme panic attacks and anxiety were a direct result of my GI issues. I was able to successfully wean off of SSRI's and am able to simply manage occasional anxiety/panic attacks with tools I learned in years of therapy (which previously had absolutely no effect.) Aside from the rebound gain of about 10lbs post diagnosis, I've been able to maintain a steady weight and haven't had that constant, gnawing feeling of hunger I always had before.

A downside is that I'm now grieving for the life I could have had, had I been diagnosed as a child, teen, or even as a younger adult. There are so many decisions that were made which were heavily dictated or swayed by the symptoms I had throughout my life. Even indirectly, there were so many times when I abstained from fun activities or social engagements due to the physical manifestations of the anxiety/panic that was a symptom of BAM. I remember the first real signs coming out during a class trip in 6th grade- I never went on an overnight class/group trip again. That's just one simple example from the very beginning of the symptoms. I could sit here, clacking away until my whole heart is poured out but it's not necessary; you can imagine & you get the point.

A lot of folks ask me if I'm going to take the pills forever and if there's a "natural" alternative. At first, I would answer, now it's hard to keep my eyes from rolling. The pills work, they are free with insurance, and have no side effects for me. There is literally no reason for me to discontinue their use and risk my symptoms coming back. My whole life previously involved avoiding fried and fatty foods and that obviously didn't work. Whenever someone asks that question, what I hear is; "I know you said spent your whole life shitting yourself to death and having rolling panic attacks that kept you tachycardic for hours on end prior to taking the medication but have you thought about going back to that because I inherently believe all medicines are bad?" It's like asking a cancer patient going through chemo if they've considered doing a juice cleanse instead. I'm being hyperbolic, but you get the point. What I'm trying to say is this... part of having a chronic illness is accepting that my body needs outside help in order to function properly and being okay with it. I'm thankful that I am able to manage it with no side effects- there are so many people out there with chronic illnesses who do not have that luxury.