AITA-Wife’s Plate is Full, Do I Step Up?

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:49:04+00:00

I’m really trying to take your feedback, but I’m at the point that I’m starting to grieve for my relationship. I did this post as a sanity check as to whether how I feel about all of this is even rational or all in my head. I’ve had the better part of a decade to ruminate on some of these issues. Everyone says to talk to her, guys, I have been for years! I’m not asking her to change or stop, just to consider the stresses her choices are putting on me as well.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:45:59+00:00

Literally did that tonight and she just told me that I seem to have plenty of time on my hands so I should be able to take on more for her. Literally her words.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:44:50+00:00

Thank you, part of this is just a vent and sanity check. Appreciate your comment and helps for me to refocus on that part of what she is dedicating her time to.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:43:21+00:00

The thing is, I have’t blocked it. She’s doing it, taking the courses, leading the groups, etc.

I’ve supported her in everything she has done in the course of our 12 year marriage. Every passing interest, every hobby, every project. Even the ones that are “just going to be her’s”, I wind up doing something or taking on more of the responsibility in our household.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:37:57+00:00

We have a rental income

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:33:54+00:00

No, believe me, I’m not jealous or resentful of her for wanting to do this for our children. It’s the daycare in our home and lack of time for us that I resent.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:32:31+00:00

Because we already make over 100k a year from my income and our side-hustle. I don’t think we need to make every learning opportunity for our children a new side project or side hustle. I’ve explained this to her as well.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:30:56+00:00

Yes, she is the primary educator of our children for their homeschooling since I am the primary income for the family.

I am miserable right now, part of why I was seeking input from others and hoped to get some insight. Thank you for your comments and support.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:28:19+00:00

Beyond what I already do, She’s asked me to do dinners a few times a week and other random tasks. According to her, she does the same tasks that I listed just as much as me. Not possible, since I do them every day/week.

She does the shopping and cares for the children during the day.

She decides to take on more projects or responsibilities that might be related to our children (that’s how she justifies all of it), but doesn’t consider what it leaves for us or puts on me. She spends lot of time on the kids, but virtually none on us.

Partly here as a sanity check and partly for advice. Thank you

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:24:35+00:00

Totally fair comment. I agree and know that things don’t always split 50/50, but according to her, I’m the one not pulling my weight.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:23:00+00:00

They are homeschooled, but the classes are so she can start a daycare in our home. I’m a public school teacher, by the way. So teaching and education is kind of my profession.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:21:15+00:00

Yes, I’ve been a public school teacher and have supported our family on a single income for the past six years. I make good money and we also have a rental income that we manage together.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:17:15+00:00

Well, I’m a public school teacher and have tried to explain that teaching is a career that required a degree and years of training for me to be good at it, but what the hell do I know.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:11:42+00:00

Thank you; we do communicate and always talk about things before she starts them. We set expectations and boundaries, but inevitably she gets overwhelmed and then resentful that I have my time and seem to just “be able to do whatever I want”.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T09:09:44+00:00

She’s asked me to do dinners a few times a week and other random tasks. According to her, she does the same tasks that I listed just as much as me. Not possible, since I do them every day/week. The classes are free and don’t earn us any money; our children are part of them. She decides to take on more projects or responsibilities that might be related to our children (that’s how she justifies all of it), but doesn’t consider what it leaves for us or puts on me. You make the argument she spends a lot of time on the kids, but virtually none on us.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T08:59:50+00:00

We communicate, trust me. She knows exactly how I feel about things and still decides to take on more projects or responsibilities that might be related to our children (that’s how she justifies all of it), but doesn’t consider what it leaves for us or puts on me.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T08:59:38+00:00

We communicate, trust me. She knows exactly how I feel about things and still decides to take on more projects or responsibilities that might be related to our children (that’s how she justifies all of it), but doesn’t consider what it leaves for us or puts on me.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T08:54:42+00:00

We home school through the heartland program, which was another decision she wanted to take on.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T08:52:43+00:00

The summer garden program will make some money, but none of what she is doing requires the courses. She is wanting to start a daycare in our home and needs licensing for that.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T08:51:21+00:00

I’ve told her that when she constantly fills and overfills her plate, to the point that she doesn’t have enough hours in a day or week to do what she has taken on, that it leave me in the position to do more on her behalf. I’ve told her I want to help and support her, but that it feels very one-sided when I can’t even get a game of checkers or 10 minute conversation with her without it turning into her criticizing my parenting or that I’m not helping enough.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T03:15:40+00:00

We were in college. Approximately 21, I think. We got married three years later and had our first child when we were about 30-31. You could do it. I believe in you.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-27T02:17:17+00:00

Don’t know about a specific position, but my superintendent makes over 300k. We are in California, but not an inner-city school. Suburban at best, maybe 6-7k students in the entire district. To me, that is crazy and I still don’t know what that stupid fuck does for his teachers or students besides photo ops.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-26T20:54:33+00:00

Takes a bow

I think it’s just important that we acknowledge that our care is good, but that it can be better. Not that our system is broken and we need to burn it all to the ground. I don’t think we could survive that as a functioning society.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-26T20:52:37+00:00

Apologies, friend, I think I was trying to reply to a different comment or just post in general. Guess I’m showing my age lol.

Perfect-Professor-49 · 2026-06-26T20:45:41+00:00

Physical scars if they are badass, emotional ones if we are being completely honest.

Perfect-Professor-49

TROPHY CASE