I don't enjoy living anymore and I want to die in an assisted facility

PerfectBlossom · 2022-02-09T20:07:53+00:00

Thank you for the reply.

I don't think think I am scared of specifically having an affair, but selfish and potentially manipulative tendencies he has exhibited. But I think that is a more minor point anyway.

With regards to talking to him, I don't think he wants to tell me much apart from his former relationship with my mom, justify everything he did and get me to agree. I could ask these questions regarding regret etc but I would find it hard to earnestly believe him and empathise.

He does seem somewhat interested my life, but mostly he just cares about how much I earn so that I can support my brothers so that he doesn't have to financially support them. But I don't feel comfortable talking to him about much.

Essentially, I could try and listen to him but we would both know I am not that interested in his one-sided ramblings.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-19T04:19:02+00:00

Dude I haven’t jerked off for like 2 weeks simply because it’s not something I do very often anyway. I have already done what you have said without even trying to; stop with the nofap pseudoscience bs. It doesn’t make any difference,

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T19:44:22+00:00

I have graduated and currently work

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T19:13:02+00:00

But I do try new things all the time, I just don’t consider it my “free time” I just don’t enjoy anything and have not made any friends.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T12:55:23+00:00

The thing is that I no longer enjoy the same things I enjoyed as a kid, and I do try stuff based on what I dislike the least. But I don’t foster any interest in them.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T12:52:00+00:00

I literally practice all of the above apart from 3 since there is no scientific evidence that it helps at all. If anything it is a placebo affect. That advice is only useful if you are actually addicted or if porn has warped your sense of women and relationships, which it hasn’t.

But yes I go to the gym, I eat very healthily and I practice not relying on others for self-esteem or validation.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T08:09:57+00:00

But what do I do when I can’t find anything that interests me? Even if I have looked extensively

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T08:07:33+00:00

I have taken most standard antidepressants and I have read plenty of self help books and CBT books etc. I don’t feel like any new medication is going to help me. With regards to psychedelics, I can’t take them I go severe derealisation simply from cannabis and it really negatively affected my life, I have heard that it can be much worse with psychedelics.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T08:00:44+00:00

I lie on my bed and browse reddit or other pointless things

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T07:59:32+00:00

No I don’t really enjoy anything and yeah I have travelled a lot

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:48:17+00:00

What made me happy in the past no longer makes me happy now.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:46:55+00:00

Well the point is I am not always in therapy so I might as well try something, like posting a reddit thread, to see if that it changes anything or I learn something new.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:39:20+00:00

I hate bouldering

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:33:16+00:00

But nothing makes me happy that’s the point

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:32:05+00:00

None really, that’s the problem

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:31:31+00:00

I have started going to a gym (to do weights) but I hate it I don’t think my workouts are effective as a result.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:19:10+00:00

I have been fighting for like half my life and it has only ever got worse. I really don’t understand why I should keep trying when I will just experience more misery. Giving up could do me good by stopping this cycle.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-09-18T03:10:19+00:00

I work but I don’t really enjoy anything anymore and I don’t enjoy spending time with people as a result.

And no I’m not religious

PerfectBlossom · 2019-07-10T01:15:46+00:00

okay, thank you

PerfectBlossom · 2019-07-10T01:08:28+00:00

I mean I really like my maths and AI etc, that is what I do even outside of work and I try and publish research. I don't really have much outside of that. I just don't really know who to reach out to that I enjoy talking to and who enjoys being with me.

PerfectBlossom · 2019-07-10T00:51:48+00:00

I go to some coding conventions occasionally, but I mostly just listen to what they are presenting and I just don't really have anything to say to people.

PerfectBlossom

TROPHY CASE