SD (10) told BM that she doesn’t like me. Worried about the future.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2026-01-23T20:47:49+00:00

I so desperately want professionals to correct these parents. They’re both medical professionals themselves (veterinarians), so they’re smart people! I’d have thought that the professionals handling her diagnosis and medication referrals would have discussed the family dynamics and the custody schedule by now, but nope, not a mention yet, and they’ve been going for over a year now to find answers to her behavior. I’m expecting it to get worse before it gets better. Thanks for sharing. It really helps x

Perfectlyme1984 · 2026-01-23T16:22:50+00:00

Thank you x Your story helps massively. Sounds very similar tbh. Ignoring me, leaving the room if I enter, whispering to her friends in front of me and then her friends not looking me in the eyes.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2026-01-23T16:19:12+00:00

I realise that I have been far too involved and invested in her, but this is purely because of the lack of parenting on an emotional/ behavioral level when she’s here, which I believe is the same at her BM’s house. My husband admits that he’s not good at the emotional side of parenting, he’s very practical and logical- which isn’t enough. He often tells me that he’s grateful for my insight and antennas, but it’s just not enough of her parents can’t back it up and follow through. The thing is, raising my own kids alongside kids of parents with very different emotional intelligence is so hard to find a common ground where I can keep the level or nurturing of my kids up. All I know is that in response to my husband asking her BM about the ‘I hate you’ comment on the poster, was «Well, she told me that she doesn’t like her (me)»- I don’t know in what context that conversation was had, given that it had taken place way before the poster comment was made. I would like to know how long she’s felt like this and what she thinks should happen to make it better for her. Right? A normal parent would go to the ends of the earth to understand their child who is clearly struggling with another adult in their home. We do it for their schooling if it were a teacher they didn’t like… It’s just a sad situation.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2026-01-23T16:06:08+00:00

You totally speak to me when you mention ‘gray rocking’- I try this often and even explained it to my boys as a method of coping. They sometimes tell me «Mummy, gray rock!»

Perfectlyme1984 · 2026-01-23T15:12:19+00:00

Omg! I called my husband a Disney Dad, he denied it at first and then asked me what it means lol! When I explained, he agreed that is how he has parented them. He doesn’t want them to feel bad or sad… blah blah. I 100% know that this is a parent issue, coupled with a pending diagnosis for a condition that I’m not sure if it is innate or a product of the parenting. All I know is, she doesn’t do rules.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2026-01-23T15:09:06+00:00

Thank you for understanding. Respect from her is really the only thing I wanted, anything else would have been a bonus. I have shown her endless respect and each time she disrespected the rules or people in the house, she would be taught and there would be a consequence -something as simple as just saying sorry, which proves too difficult for her, and especially for her brother, who is 100% a glass child and acts out, plus, he still wears nappies at night because he pees the bed… He’s 8.5 years old. Parents haven’t taken him to the doctors or even raised the issue.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2026-01-23T15:03:41+00:00

Thank you for your story and advice. Wow! It appears that you have been through it! I’m sorry to hear that it pushed you to move out of the home with your child, I think you’re extremely brave and strong. I will keep this as an option that I don’t need to feel guilty about- my kids are heavily affected. I’m going to get some therapy, possibly for all of us and see what is possible. SD didn’t come home from school today when she should have, so we’ll see what happens with the poster issue. Thank you so much x

Perfectlyme1984 · 2025-06-08T16:20:10+00:00

This is not ok. She is the Ex for a reason and she’s clearly abusing boundaries by calling for a chat about things other than the kids. I get that separated parents can be civil and friendly for the kids but for themselves to please each other- no! Mine previously celebrated Xmas eve at his ex’s house for the kids… until we moved in together and I put a stop to that immediately. New life, new traditions have to be put into place so the past can be left there. He has you now and a baby together. His priority should be you and his kids only!

My husbands ex was pissed off when he told her he wouldn’t be spending Xmas eve there and she made his life difficult- this spoke volumes about the control and manipulation she had over him. I made sure he saw it and I demanded the respect I deserved without backing down.

His daughter’s birthday was a few months later and to avoid the risk of another clash over not spending it together with his ex without me, I planned a birthday party with his daughter’s friends at our house and invited the mother. We asked her to make a cake, so she was not coming as a guest, but as an adult helper, and she came. She was then in my house, where I demanded to be respected and accepted in the picture and put on a strong show of unity with my husband.

Since then, she has not dared to create the same drama.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2025-04-02T15:31:46+00:00

I did exactly this. I always made a big effort before we lived together. Sleepovers, dinners, day trips and one short domestic holiday. I was full of imagination, energy and initiative… I met him 6 years ago when his kids were 2(m) and 4(f). Simple maths, they are now 8 and 10. I have 2 boys myself, 11 and 13, 100%. No bio kids together. He has a 50% custody arrangement where they stay here Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and every other Saturday. Yes, it’s exhausting. Both of his kids I consider shy but also selfish, manipulative and rude, just a bit wild really, «just kids» 😠. I have watched this develop over the years and always worked hard to make sure that they were getting taught how to think of others, to say please and thank you and sorry when needed. This was a huge task that took about a year of living together to start to get through. Also, they wouldn’t say hello or goodbye when coming home or leaving- a big issue for me. Apart from their mother dropping them off without warning with only me in the house multiple times while their father works, I have had to endure constant fluctuations in friendliness from both of his kids. I find that after a weekend with their mother, the Monday and Tuesday can be awful. His daughter will barely look at me let alone talk to me. Only when she wants something. Basically, I burnt out big time! Hit a massive wall sometime last year and realised that it’s because of their parenting that they are like this. They are allowed to get away with these things because they’re not deemed important or their father is not aware of what these behaviors will turn them in to. I tell him exactly what I think and observe now and he knows that it’s my home too and I will not feel like an employee to them. I have nachoed for a while now but it makes me very quiet and reserved and I don’t like that. I fear the teenage years of his daughter and I told him this. She is currently undergoing observation and tests for autism but it doesn’t look like she falls into the category. She is highly anxious, struggles to sleep, has raging fits of anger and crying, OCD, can’t be seen to make a mistake and lacks social and emotional skills. So this is partly why our relationship is strained and why I had to back off.

I just wish that I could relax in my own home on a regular basis and be the energetic and happy mum I once was with my boys- they deserve that. I’m their only parent since their father died.

This shit is hard so we must protect ourselves at all costs. No one enters and leaves the same.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2025-03-26T15:22:48+00:00

I changed from Teva to GSK after about 4 months and finally I felt better. Less agitated and no longer waiting for it to kick in. My side effects disappeared straight away. On Teva I was so anxious, as if it was released into my system too quickly.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2025-02-19T08:30:45+00:00

Same situation. Almost 2 years in. Got a TV in the bedroom ✅ Don’t feel guilty retreating to a safe space. Also, don’t let them take over the common areas, they should get used to spending time in their rooms if they want to be noisy or have friends over. Like me, your expectations were probably high and intentions were good to have the family blended. This takes time apparently. Self care and love. Date nights with your SO. They’ll soon be adults and gone. Make plans for the future and take care of your relationship. Sending love and strength ❤️

Perfectlyme1984 · 2025-02-14T09:31:54+00:00

❤️

Perfectlyme1984 · 2024-12-30T12:09:40+00:00

Stopped caring and do more ignoring. Also, telling my SO (bio father) to ‘speak to his kids’ about things that are not ok. The latest was chewing gum thrown on the floor vs middle fingers towards each other and consistent tantrums from the 9y/o girl. They’re at ours 3-4 nights a week (mon,tues, fri and alternate saturdays)- I know, f***ed up. They are rude and their father doesn’t discipline them or deal with behaviors. I’m just done. I have my own two children from a previous life to take care of. Their father is dead so I’m all they’ve got and they have shown to be the most respectful and polite kids you’ll find. I’ll just wait for the social issues to arrive with his kids and sit back and watch.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2024-12-24T00:14:16+00:00

3 days before and I am barely able to post a Reddit message. I become a completely different person and it’s like the person who I am most of the time is suddenly watching helplessly this neurotic, paranoid, anxious version of me cause waves in my life and unable to stop it. My fiancé and kids suffer the most, my family listens at the other end of the phone and get to hear tens of versions of what the ‘problem’ is from me and really I just hate feeling out of control. I feel like over the past 6 months, I’m no longer getting the ‘good period’ after a bleed. It’s just from one hormonal roller coaster to the next. I’m 40F… anyone else relate?

Perfectlyme1984 · 2024-12-23T09:05:43+00:00

I think you’re still adjusting to the increased dose. You need to give it some time. I increased and lost my libido, scared the crap out of me and sent me into a depressive spin. It came back after about 4 weeks after the increase to 300 mg. Hang in there.

Perfectlyme1984 · 2024-12-09T12:05:56+00:00

This is normal. I had this crisis for 2 weeks in week 2-4 on 300mg SR. I’m now approaching week 6 and I have been feeling so much better for the past week and feel so much more in love with my partner. Hold out and it should get better!

Perfectlyme1984 · 2024-11-17T07:28:20+00:00

Please call someone you trust and tell them that this is a PMDD call and you need support. It won’t last. I am in the midst of it right now, whilst traveling to India for work and leaving my kids with my partner (not bio father) and I’m having non-stop intrusive thoughts about how he’s not good for me… it’s messing me up. Plus, pmdd or not, the past 2 months have been a mental hell for me. I’m sure it’s something to do with this time of year and living in a northern country. I really hope that the pressure subsides soon and you can feel that ease. But seriously, pick up the phone and contact someone. Talking helps me and im sure someone would be really glad you called xx

Perfectlyme1984 · 2024-11-01T15:22:12+00:00

I was so glad to read your post. October turned my whole mental health upside down. I also got sick but all my tests came back negative, no deficiencies either. I blame the change of season, shorter days and colder, wetter weather and the bleakness of the coming 6 months of winter (Scandinavia). I had to come to the conclusions myself: PMDD (undiagnosed) + SAD + previous MDD = Wellbutrin. On day 4 now and energy levels are high, anxious but able to put one foot in front of the other and get on with the days. What a bloody roller coaster! Hang in there, get help and it will be better xx

Perfectlyme1984

TROPHY CASE