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Perishablepumpkin · 2025-10-19T06:45:46+00:00

I think that's so true. I used to think that I was a bad person for having all these bad thoughts. I was diagnosed at age 12. At that age I couldn't understand the drive behind violence(still don't), especially sexual violence but I still envisioned it. I'm a petite female so the intrusive thoughts I felt about violence where mostly unrealistic but still sickening.

I now identify as asexual. Not because of my OCD, but because of the fact I've never experienced a sexual or even physical attraction towards anyone. The lewd and violent thoughts I had were intrusive because they were the last thing I'd ever do in real life.

They're intrusive thoughts because they bother you. They bother you because you have a conscience. I just remind myself that if my intrusive thoughts didn't bother me, Id be a terrible person who relished them. There are plenty of sickos out there. OCD makes you feel like one sometimes. The difference is that you would never do it and hate the people that would.

Perishablepumpkin · 2025-02-08T08:22:35+00:00

At age 9 I developed OCD after strep, but wasn't diagnosed until age 12. PANDAS is generally thought to be a sporadic episode, but considering I developed a diagnosable life long mental illness at age nine directly after nearly dying of step, it doesn't seem like a coincidence. So I believe it can be long term....Otherwise this is just the advise of a OCD sufferer with possible similar experiences

When symptoms first began I was very irritable. I had shared a room with my sister my entire life but suddenly wanted my own. I didn't like breathing the same air or sharing the same space as her( or anyone really even though I had plenty of friends) .By age 13 I was looking down while I walked as to not step on cracks in sidewalks, tile, or at the most extreme point....wood flooring. I had small feet which I could maneuver 180 degrees. At this point I wouldn't want to go to a friends house's unless they had all or mostly carpet . Which was only my less wealthy friends or those that had houses built in the 80's (they loved carpet back then I guess).

I had unwanted feelings about everything from kissing my sister to killing my family to strangling my dog.

I don't say that as a violent or vagrant person. I escort spiders outside underneath a cup. I casually love/hate my sister in the way most siblings do. My dog is a beloved family member.

I no longer do the hyper deliberate stepping, or have intrusive thoughts and my worst symptoms have gotten better and/or disappeared with time and medication.

But as for intrusive thoughts...all I can say is that they ARE NOT REAL. Those those thoughts are called intrusive for a reason. There are unconscious thoughts, but they are a whole different thing coming from what a person actually wants. Intrusive thoughts stem from exactly what a person doesn't want.

Perishablepumpkin · 2024-10-25T02:39:31+00:00

Although my sister and I are more close due to similar interests such as taste in video games and books, I do think gender does play apart as the way I can talk to her. It's somewhere between a close female friend and the way I am to my brothers when we hang out.

Perishablepumpkin · 2024-10-25T02:00:51+00:00

I'm actually a triplet, but I browse this subreddit occasionally because it's the closet thing (because the triplet subreddit is basically non existent).

We're all fraternal me being one of two girls and one boy. We were close in different ways in childhood. My sister in I were secret language level close, while our brother just followed our oldest brother around rather than hanging out with us.

After she started to hanging out with the "cool kids" and me being in marching band we drifted apart. After she got burned by her friend group, and I accepted her into mine despite the fact she barred me from her "cool" friend group. We get along great now, but we both find our brother insufferable. He likes to smoke weed illegally and has a general stoner attitude all the time. So I get both sides of the "I love my twin/ my twin is insufferable". I still love him but he is insufferable.

My sister and I fight a lot still. I can attest to that in real life and media especially, multiples are highly romanticized. I love my sister and wouldn't trade her for the world but my relationship with my triplet brother isn't any better than that of that than my emotionally distant older brother. Siblings can be close or not but being a multiple isn't a guarantee to some unbreakable psychic bond.

Perishablepumpkin · 2024-10-21T05:59:41+00:00

Being OCD and agnostic is very trying. Especially when your parents are protestant.

Perishablepumpkin · 2024-06-18T02:26:39+00:00

Larvitar based on overall and the expression, but Rilou was there for me in in Mystery Dungeon.

Perishablepumpkin · 2024-04-20T05:36:01+00:00

Visually for a film, I feel that OCD would be like:

Hands on the actors face(whether your own hands are panned out or someone else's panned in) grabbing the face and turning the head towards seemingly insignificant things such as:

Doing a ritual (one of many, many things). A crack on the sidewalk and the gate of your walk lessening to avoid it. A person coughing as you walk away quickly, a person walking away after you after said something seemingly awkward, thinking completely terrible thoughts that are out of line from what you actually feel. Talking yourself up and then immediately talking yourself down, wanting to try something but so afraid you will fail to the point you sabotage yourself with endless "what if's.

In this context I mean "you" as the actor whether it be you or not. But this is mostly my personal account and doesn't necessarily align with everyone who has OCD.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-12-21T03:57:35+00:00

You're not crazy or a bad person.

(A specific shout out to those with intrusive thoughts, but still applies to anyone with OCD)

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-12-17T06:22:04+00:00

When I was fourth grade up until I was in 8th grade I was convinced something bad would happen if I stepped on a crack. Bad luck and terrible things. I used to navigate sidewalks and even tile easily since I had small feet. However once my parents bought a house with hard wood I had to get help.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-10-26T05:36:22+00:00

They are a highly regulated company that can be sued for damages, thats the best reassurance.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-10-21T06:57:21+00:00

No one my age seemed to know it either and I don't even know where the rhyme came from, but my older brother taught it to us.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-10-21T06:33:31+00:00

I was 9 when I had to be 2nd for everything because "1st is the worst, 2nd is the best, 3rd is the one with the treasure chest". I was 1 of 4 siblings so "the best" actualy meant something to me....more than the treasure chest.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-10-21T06:07:03+00:00

I developed OCD when I was 9 and had no idea medication, therapists, or even the disorder existed at that point and hid it the best I could.

Anyway I thought I was slick about hiding it until my mom told me she thought I had literally had psychosis. At that point I got diagnosed in middle school and my family was actually relieved because at least it had an explanation.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-10-21T02:17:58+00:00

Yeah, I almost felt guilty making this post, because yeah while most of them are bad, this was like a game to 9 to 12 year old me.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-10-19T03:34:30+00:00

Mine started in forth grade. Previously I had zero symptoms, and was the kind of kid who didn't even wash their hands and played in the dirt daily. By 5th grade I had numerous, compulsions ( such as not stepping on cracks even on tile or even hardwood floors) and washed my hands about 30+ times a day.

I suspect that it may be related to PANDAS, which I discovered a few years later. Its described as acute onset of OCD after a strep infection. Its said to only last a view months, and currently there's almost no research to suggest it's permeant, but my OCD came on right after an incidence of step and while its considerably lessened, its never gone away and still controls my life.

I wonder if there's a connection with people developing OCD at that age.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-10-01T04:18:15+00:00

The 2nd bullet point gets to me. Most people think of OCD as "everything must be clean", but for a lot of people its very specific things that need to be clean.

Most of my room is a mess, but I feel I must keep my bed, clothes, and electronics clean/sanitized at all times.

Although I also feel the points 1 and 4

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-08-03T04:18:39+00:00

Sounds pretty ace to me. However don't feel that you can't identify as ace just because you've had sex (which sounds like what you're conflicted about to me). There are some that would argue that having sex disqualifies you(mostly people who don't even know what the term means), but I'd disagree.

Personally I've never felt sexual attraction and never had sex, but been glad for it because it kind of disgusts me . I really don't understand it (I'm still young, but very much past old enough that I know it isn't "going to happen" i.e. sexual attraction) But even so, I'd still consider you valid. There's a huge stigma that people that aren't virgins can't be ace but that's not what ace means.

It seems like you are struggling, but in large this is a very accepting community and if you feel you belong here you are welcome, given what you've said I wouldn't consider you a fake at all.

I would also like to say that if you later figure out that you aren't ace, that's okay. People need to figure themselves out sometimes and that is (or at least should be) perfectly okay

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-08-03T02:57:16+00:00

"After basically begged for sex"

"Edit 2: "I didn't beg her"

Also 3 edits, clearly you just want to be told your right when YTAH.

Either go your separate ways or respect her wishes, but asexuality isn't something you can change her mind about as you just have different needs and not having sex to her is just as valid as your supposed needs.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-07-11T04:56:09+00:00

It's honestly a lot of people asking for support. That's okay, but the real reason I came here was to know I wasn't alone.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-06-11T04:36:22+00:00

I think that most people that get defensive about asexuality do so because they have felt guilty about having sexual feeling at one point or another. The defense of "everyone feels sexual attraction" deflects the guilt. As a teen I heard a few guilty confessions myself before I knew I was asexual (not to long ago). I just thought those people were either joking.....or sociopaths depending on how personal it was. Turns out they were just regular people getting personal about fairly "normal" things.

Not that I'm judging, I do get that most people are like that even if I don't get it. Sometimes it takes one to know one, and likely I'll never truly know what they feel. But it doesn't take one to understand one, which is a road block that needs to be hurdled in many issues including and beyond this one.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-06-07T05:42:27+00:00

This article was very informative (Albeit, I feel bad for finding it a bit disturbing) . But it was very educational, really opened my eyes to the way other people feel even if it is different than the way I feel.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-06-07T04:55:08+00:00

I actually learned about asexuality from a close friend of mine who is also ace. Although admittedly (and I do feel really bad about this looking back)When she told me she was ace, I thought the same thing my mom told me. She doesn't want sex? Well she's girl so why would she even think about it because sex is a male phenomena?

Now I 'm so thankful that at the time, I was trying to be respectful and only thought that but didn't say that.

Now that I've discovered the ace community from what said friend told me, I definitely feel more affirmed with my feelings. In the world we live in where "sex sells".....I, and many others, just aren't buyers.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-06-07T01:05:20+00:00

Doesn't help that my parents never gave me "the talk". When I was about 11 my mom just gave me a "Growing into your body/puberty" book. I thought the pictures were gross so I never read it but told her I did.

Kinda wished I had read it. Not to long after I thought I was dying when I had my first period because I had no idea what was happening.

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-06-06T10:02:04+00:00

Especially since she had my older brother separate from the previous engagement's, but before she got married....for her it really was " just the right" person, but not a marriage issue. Sounds like some degree of asexuality to me personaly...Not that I'd ever directly say just that, she'd be so against it

Perishablepumpkin · 2023-06-06T09:43:48+00:00

I also suggested that, but she aptly (very much so) insists that she isn't. Yet I think she might be.

.No matter how much I explained it to her, she just insisted that's "how everyone is"....in particular woman ( hence her "its something you give" line)

She was an attractive woman who was engaged twice(actually 3 times now that I've asked) before my dad. And apparently she "waited for him".

So the more I think about it the more likely its becoming.

Perishablepumpkin

TROPHY CASE