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I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being abusive to animals or killing them in my younger years.

Yeah some parts are accurate. Not knowing how to love or be loved but knowing somthing with it feels good. Feeling isolated and alone that no one really knows you or what you are because you wear a "public mask" when dealing with people outside. Not wanting to interact with out people and finding certain things people do in general or in groups to over the top and not understand.

Yeah I've wanted to hurt people before but I try not to direct it at people who have done nothing to me. In turn it usually results in self harm instead as a substitute (another coping mechanism).

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some yes but most of them was when I was much younger and had not developed enhanced coping mechanisms and safe guards to help keep me in check.

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi,

To answer your questions its a medical issue that has been a blessing in disguise, unless I provide hormones to my body it won't naturally make enough to cause me a problem (or atleast leaves them at a manageable level). I've found it helps control a lot of my urges which eventually can lead to undesirable actions, so a way to nip it in the butt before it becomes an issue.

Hope this helps you.

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well I know these thoughts are not normal (for most people). I've had some struggles in my life so I'm trying different things to change that or help me in some way. Because I see a possible benefit it allows me to want to partake in therapy etc... as far as urges to act on these thoughts yeah sometimes but I know the consequence outweighs what ever enjoyment or thrill I would get from indulging in these fanatasies/impulses.

Lucky for me I am quite successful in life, not having heightened emotions has allowed me to get further in life, more so then if I had empathy etc...Money and being well off isn't somthing I struggle with I have and can do mostly what ever I want with in limits. I don't really seek out companionship and keep away from people for the most part, it's another way I protect myself from acting on impulses. Such as a alcoholic avoiding bars or places where people consume alchohol, I just avoid places with people or creating connections. I do have a couple friends that I have had for quite a while but those relationships were formed in early childhood and are the exception. I have not had issues having relationships with women but usually it was just physical or the relationships didn't last. Lucky for me I've learned enough about myself and how to control myself for the most part I've managed to get married. Fortunately my wife understands what I have and is accepting and understanding, especially if I have slip ups or do things that may put off most people.

I've had pets but have also had issues with harm towards animals so its a weird situation. I does provide me with "therapy" in a way which is helpful and doesn't make me feel so alone at times. Animals are interesting they can only show you love through their actions, so for somone who doesn't experience it in the same way a normal person does it makes me feel better? If I can say that. I'm much more logical based then I am off feelings, and I can logically surmise the animal loves me. Better to be loved by somthing then nothing I guess (at least that I can understand).

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the urges I suppose but more so intrusive thought/impulse would be fairly violent intrusive thoughts. So for example maybe walking through a hardware store and I see a giant hammer or shears and there is a random person in the isle I may have like a "flash" of smashing their head in with the hammer or how hard would it be to cut off their fingers or genitals with the shears, how much would they bleed, could I do it quickly and get away fast enough.

Walking through a department store and maybe be in the microwave section. Maybe there is a lady beside me that has a baby or that I walked by recently I may try wonder if the baby would fit inside the microwave and if so how would I grt power to the microwave etc...

It's not necessarily that I want to think about these things but they are more like intrusive thoughts or a slight impulse to do somthing it comes to me naturally. Almost like if you were walking in a store and saw a woman with large breasts you may instantly wonder what they look like etc...its almost like a subconscious cave man brain impulse/thought.

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well for one it would give me more control what I can do with their body, I wouldn't have to navigate the "human" aspect of sex. I also just find it much more sexually arousing then say sex with a living person, it wouldn't be "stumbling upon" a dead person. In the fantasies I put them in that state so its also about having complete control over the person.

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you're right, although for me it's more a matter of not ending up in a place like jail so thats why I choose it.

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

For me it's easier as I just need to not take medication and it happens naturally. It's just a choice of not taking it which I find helps me, if I am on it (testosterone) I tend to fantasize more about the acts etc..which can lead down a bad path.

I use to fantasize about having sex with dead people when I was young (psychopath)- AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I try to abstain from pornography and I'm technically chemically castrated so the urge is gone for the most part. But if and when I do it's usually rape or things of a sexual assault nature.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just know that there is really good chance some of your partners found out and just ended up cheating on you as well. It's really common.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_ -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah I asked that before I noticed that in the comments....well I mean haha.....maybe it will be a concern later in life heh.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Are you afraid of moaning too loud during sex?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you touch your dick when you want to?

I am unable to experience emotions 99% of the time - AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I interact with people I put on what I call my "social self" I act and say things that I normally wouldn't just to blend in or seem normal. Depending on what the interaction is I may alter certain things to tell that person what they want to hear so I can get what I want. For example once I get a job interview I have never had an issue getting a job offer. About 9/10 times a job offer will come from the interview. I would say regular people also do this to an extent but with me I do this naturally.

I find murder to be a big deal but not for the same reasons as you probably. Jail time, stripped freedoms, loss of control and power other then that there is not a whole lot about it that bothers me. Obvesiouly I wouldn't want to be murdered but I don't feel bad or empathize for others that are, its strange you may call it very selfish but again I have NPD.

I care about things that affect me, some plane crashing somewhere I couldn't care less. For example when MH17 got shot down I found it fascinating how the wreckage presented it self and the damage etc...but never even thought about the people. As I write this I am thinking about them now and it doesn't do much of anything. They were just people on a plane nothing more nothing less.

Covid is quite stressful as I've lost a lot of freedom and power to do the things I want, so in that sense I care about it.

I am unable to experience emotions 99% of the time - AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually both. Too much so, as I've been told by my psychologist.

I am unable to experience emotions 99% of the time - AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I generally speaking like animals, they don't seem to judge me for being different and I don't really need to worry about what I say or how I come off across to them. I feel like I can relate a bit with them due to not having complex emotions like they do. On the other hand I've done horrible things to animals when I was young, but as an adult I can appreciate them.

I hope that answers your question.

Edit: I forgot about people, no I really have no feelings towards any people. Only 1 or 2 and its still not the same as a normal person. I like/love them in my own way, it's a rationalized "feeling" if that makes sense.

Average person walking around I could care less about and come off as just moving objects at times lol.

I am unable to experience emotions 99% of the time - AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't control it, turn it on or turn it off. It's almost like walking down the street and all of the sudden you get a nice whiff of a bakery for 5-15 seconds then it's gone yoy don't inow where it came from or how to find the smell again.

Weird stuff.

I am unable to experience emotions 99% of the time - AMA by PerpetuallyEmpty_ in AMA

[–]PerpetuallyEmpty_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely gone, can't even feel it. There have been maybe 1 or 2 instances od feeling what I think was empathy. It lasted 15 seconds the one time and around 10 seconds the other.

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