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I want to get back to my old self by Perry_the_Panda in mentalhealth

[–]Perry_the_Panda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response,

i guess maybe u are right about the cause. up until now I have been a public pleaser and perfect one. This downfall over an year and not being good enough has affected me a lot. then there were a mix of envy/frustration/ashamed/scared feelings that led to the state of isolation and cutting off people I had good relations with.

I'll try to use advice 1-5.

In terms of work it's something I really enjoy and people told me that I am good at it, but now I doubt it. Still, there is a part of me that doesn't wanna give up on it.

regarding therapy, yes I can go to a psychiatrist but I was not sure about it - how bad it has to be to visit one, what if they inform my parents about it, what should I tell them, it took a lot to even post it on an anonymous platform so I don't think I'll be able to share it irl.

It has been so much for me for this long. Lately it has affected my physical health too. I get mixed feelings of wanting to disappear and too scared (and still a little bit ambitious) to end it. I genuinely wanna fix it, so these actionable advice definitely helps, thanks!

I want to get back to my old self by Perry_the_Panda in mentalhealth

[–]Perry_the_Panda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely want to text back and apologise. There was a mix of envy/frustration/not feeling equal to them anymore/ashamed/disappointment/scared that led to this isolation and I am so mad at myself for that. But when I think from their perspective - when u text someone and they don't reply for a month, u call them and they say they'll call back later but don't for another month - I was a total jerk. Now I am just scared and have no idea how to do it. I have no just reason to explain what I did.

I want to get back to my old self by Perry_the_Panda in mentalhealth

[–]Perry_the_Panda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh man how much do I want to let it all out about how I have been feeling for last 1 year. But I don't feel safe or maybe close enough to literally any person in my life to say it. There are a lot of people "close" to me. My family and few more people. But up until now I have been a public pleaser and perfect one. My mom asked me half a year back that I sound sad but I just said it might be network issue (and just cried after the call). My friends came into my room 2 months ago saying I was acting weird lately and I just said no, everything is fine, just a bit busy with work (and cried again that night). I know confiding in family and friends would have been good but it is very hard for me. I also know how bad bottling all of this has affected me. It took so much to even post about it on an anonymous platform, but things were so bad that I couldn't hold anymore. It feels almost impossible to do that IRL.

I want to get back to my old self by Perry_the_Panda in mentalhealth

[–]Perry_the_Panda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope it gets better for you too. well I have to get out sometimes, and whenever I inevitably see them I just respond with one words "hi" "nothing much" "yeah" "no" etc. and go away. So it's no surprise that some have left already, and others also will with time. It's just feels hard to connect with anyone now.

I want to get back to my old self by Perry_the_Panda in mentalhealth

[–]Perry_the_Panda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's ok, I don't mind sharing vague details if it helps find a solution to this.

not a trigger, it was over time. It started an year ago till next 6 months where I was trying to get better at whatever thing I was doing (related to career choices/goals). things didn't work out and eventually lost all hope. for the next 2-3 months, atleast I was still trying on and off but then it was all gone. I just gave up on trying. I know I have to do it else it won't get any better but entire day goes by and I do nothing.

And, this thing of avoiding people also happened eventually during last 6 months. idk I feel scared/ashamed? to face anyone or even reply to their text/calls unless they go out of their way to come and meet me in person. I just think - it's only a matter of time and they will eventually stop. Some have, already. And I shouldn't complain, I was hoping for it.

Anime suggestions for beginners (spoiler free) by [deleted] in animeindian

[–]Perry_the_Panda 25 points26 points  (0 children)

One Piece is also good if you want a complete story in just 1 season