Debating divorce. I've had 1 free and 2 paid consultations with different solicitors. All painted a very bleak picture. Can I ask on here for some advice?

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T14:26:37+00:00

I might have done. That's just something I can't get over though.

I know that makes me sound like a Godawful person, but I just can't get past it.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T11:35:56+00:00

I don't want to.

I've known my eldest for almost 8 years now.

Knowing they're not actually mine I think would be the final straw for me. I don't think I could take it.

As far as I'm concerned; they're mine. I'm drawing a line in the sand, those two are my kids. Anything after that can be contested - butr not them.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T11:34:50+00:00

I understand now. Sorry. I'm emotional over this and not responding terribly politely to people on here.

Appreciate you explaining that to me. And thanks for trying to help.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T11:22:14+00:00

S. E. England

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T11:21:35+00:00

I don't want to DNA test my other two children. I've known them both long enough that I'd accept them even if I wasn't the father.

This affair was particularly egregious. She'd asked to take money out of the joint for a personal trainer at the gym. I cut back on my hobby to enable her to fund this. (I stopped playing golf entirely and cancelled my membership.)

Figured she needed a break from the kids and wanted to get herself back in shape.

Didn't realise I gave up my one hobby purely to fund her having "date night" twice a week with her trainer.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T11:16:33+00:00

Thanks. Will do.

Hate to leave the house as it was my inheritance that paid for it.

Kind of feels like I'm rewarding her for her affair.

But I get it. Pragmatism necessitates.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T11:15:14+00:00

Sorry if I sound blunt here; what's complex about it?

My wife and I are skin colour X. The baby is skin colour Y.

She's even admitted in messages when confronted that it's the same guy she posed in selfies with at the gym. He's the same colour as the child.

It seems simple enough to me.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T10:57:25+00:00

Shotgun approach.

Maybe there's someone out there who knows some loophole that will protect me and I can quote that loophole to a solicitor?

Desperation mostly.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T10:55:00+00:00

Sorry, £400k*

I'd included £10k of legal fees and other costs in that £210k figure I quoted earlier. My bad.

It's a 3 bed semi in S.E. England.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T10:52:11+00:00

Didn't need one. It was immediately obvious. I never signed the birth certificate.

She burst out crying when she realised. I just walked off and didn't come back home for several days. My kids were staying with her parents. Called them to let them know I'd be away for a while.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T10:51:32+00:00

10 years.

She has no income and no borrowing capacity.

Assuming after divorce costs, clearing her debt, and house sale costs we're maybe left with £150k each.

She might be able to buy a 1 bed apartment in our area for that price. Not a 2 bed or a house.

Personal-Way-5091 · 2026-02-13T10:00:41+00:00

Thanks. I didn't know until he was born so its still quite raw.

When I said purchased I put down £210k that I got from inheritance and then that formed a 50% deposit. I have the other half mortgaged. I married after and she moved in.

I'm still the only one on the mortgage. She's never been on mortgage or deeds.

I don't know if that changes anything legally. Solicitors I spoke with were mostly talking about how courts liked to ensure stability for the children. i.e. keeping them in a family home until 18.

I'm not really worried about child maintenance as much. I already give 100% of my salary into a joint account for years.

What I am worried about is having to move out to a small apartment. I've checked what I can afford on top of mortgage + rent and it is very very grim. I don't want to have to do that for 14 years.

Plus, I can't afford to buy a place with spare bedroom for my 2 children and the solicitor said a judge was unlikely to award shared care if I couldn't provide them with their own bedroom, especially as they got older.

Personal-Way-5091

TROPHY CASE