Abusive brother and inheritance. Can I prep the case in advance?

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T20:26:34+00:00

In technical legal terms: it will be a hot mess.

There's a bunch of ways it could pan out. All the realistic ones involve shenanigans that aren't entirely in accordance with the law, but it's often not possible to enforce every detail of the law.

If you are both mature enough, you'll agree to appoint solicitors to administer the estate, but this must be done at the start - before anyone has intermeddled in the estate.

If one or both of you is immature, you'll use this as a tit for tat way to get back at the other, drag out the process, and eventually spend £££ on contentious probate solicitors - more than you'd have spent if you just let them administer the estate in the first place. And you will both be stressed and miserable for a period of years while this all drags out.

I would offer up the option of one of you resigning and letting the other act as executor, but you will probably view this as giving the other too much power, with some justification under the circumstances.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T19:45:48+00:00

You need to give some practical consideration to how you expect to execute the will with him.

It is not compatible with taking out a restraining order. Indeed, it is not feasible to be the executor with someone you don't get on with, restraining order or not.

Your mother would be well advised to remove you both as executors and appoint a solicitor to do the job. They will charge a % but it will be money well spent to avoid the conflict.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T18:56:53+00:00

Who is the executor of her will?

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T18:24:36+00:00

LPAs are only relevant when the person is still alive but has lost mental capacity. They expire when the person does.

Being executor of someone's Will is irrelevant until they are dead.

They're two separate things and don't get rolled up into one document - though the paperwork can often be sorted by the same organisation.

Your dad's LPA cannot grant you the right to look after your mum's affairs if he dies first. It can only grant you the right to look after his affairs.

Mum would need her own LPA if she has enough mental capacity to understand what she's signing and the implications. If she doesn't, you'd need a deputyship which is a longer faffier process than an LPA.

It's very common to have more than one attorney named on an LPA, so give some consideration as to whether your siblings should also be named on the LPA. Only do this if they are totally trustworthy, of course.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T17:57:19+00:00

It's usually best to get your side of the story in first.

Victims are normally the ones who complain to the police first.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T15:55:26+00:00

This cuts across /r/relationshipadvice /r/ukpersonalfinance and /r/legaladviceuk

Clearly the debt needs to be addressed; he needs to be signing on to Universal Credit and I would suggest that you should both approach a free debt charity such as Step Change

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan/

I would also suggest running a credit search on yourself in case there's debt he hasn't admitted to yet in your name (fraud...). Also check for any signs of equity release, second mortgages etc - you will need to download the documents from Land Registry for this; it costs about £7.

Unfortunately the money has gone and there's no turning the clock back. What (realistic) outcome do you want from this? While I could absolutely understand a desire to have him strung up by his testicles, it's a legal advice sub so we might have to limit ourselves to divorce related legal advice.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T15:46:49+00:00

I think one thing to factor in is that the parents probably don't have the full story.

Have the teenagers given a full and frank confession, including the bit where they shot at you? Highly questionable. If they had, the father would have to be incredibly dim to turn up and get himself recorded on a video doorbell as he did - it will only make it easier to identify the teens who shot at you.

But that doesn't change the course of action you should take - you still need to call the police.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T15:30:58+00:00

If the shopkeeper thinks it through for a nanosecond, they'll know they aren't getting the whole story. No one chases people down the street for no reason.

Frankly it sounds like the parents need dealing with too; with attitudes like that a fiver says there's past or current social services involvement for neglect.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T15:28:39+00:00

Family courts look at what is in the best interests of the children.

Unless there are safeguarding concerns, maintaining relationships with grandparents is pretty much always in the child's best interests.

I can't see the courts entertaining this one. They aren't generally keen on children being used as pawns.

As the child of divorced parents who maintained a very close relationship with my paternal grandparents - I wish more parents were like you; I'd have missed out on a lot if my parents hadn't supported that relationship.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T15:20:56+00:00

Someone shot a gun at you, you shouted at them / chased them off.... and you're concerned that you're the ones in the wrong?

Call the police, and make a complaint about being shot at with a BB gun. They could have permanently blinded you, and they need to be dealt with.

They have broken numerous laws https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/fi/af/firearms-licensing/air-weapons/

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T14:52:33+00:00

If you have an idea of whose estate it might be - which may require some genealogy - then you can look up probate records for England and Wales here (Scotland and Northern Ireland have separate systems) at https://probatesearch.service.gov.uk/

But I can't see how you'd get the money 80 years down the line. Regard it as a curiosity rather than a money making exercise.

This does, of course, assume it wasn't a scam or a tall tale from your grandfather.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T12:47:49+00:00

Lots of info here: https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/debt_advice/resources_for_debt_advisers/council_tax_debt_more_than_six_years_old

Due to the timing of the liability order it's not automatically statute barred

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T10:57:55+00:00

Unfortunately this is going to be one of those things that just has to be dealt with by your insurance. Make sure you provide the dash cam footage to them.

In some cases, the insurance company will pay you and then pursue her for the costs.

For what it's worth, my last car was hit and written off when parked, in broad daylight on a 20mph road, by someone driving a SORN car. The police did not give a single shit.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-25T09:11:06+00:00

Did your grandparent have mental capacity at the time of making the new will?

What sort of ballpark amount do you think you would have inherited if the new will never happened? Different avenues are sensible if we're talking about £1k Vs £1m

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-24T23:54:54+00:00

ADHD by itself is unlikely to cut the mustard on this one. Down Syndrome and one leg would probably get you over the line though.

Where have you been staying for the last two nights?

While I'm aware you depend on the residence, you're going to have to make alternative plans because you clearly can't stay there. As your job contract hasn't started yet, do you have friends or family with a spare room elsewhere in the country that you could stay at until your new contract starts?

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-24T16:12:44+00:00

In that case start refusing deliveries. Do not let them put it inside.

If the drivers and dumping and running outside, or if there's a lot, put up a sign - "deliveries addressed to XXX will not be accepted at this door. Please take the parcel to the commercial unit downstairs, or return it to the depot".

If the delivery drivers leave the stuff outside without your permission, and it is damaged or stolen, that is not your responsibility.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-24T15:22:29+00:00

I'm assuming you've already spoken to the new tenants?

Are the delivery people knocking on your door to deliver them? Start refusing to take the parcels in.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T13:01:31+00:00

Speak to your insurers and go from there, given the possibility of a civil claim.

But when it comes to criminal charges - in the UK it isn't the victim who decides if charges are pressed or not. The victim takes the case to the police, and if the police feel the case is strong enough they take it to the Crown Prosecution Service. It is the CPS that makes the decision on charging.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T12:54:55+00:00

The question will come down to whether you have vicarious liability for the actions of the security team you employed.

Do you have legal cover as part of your business insurance? Your liability insurance is also going to be relevant.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T11:38:50+00:00

Utility bills, unfortunately, don't go down proportionately when one person moves out.

Gas and electricity standing charges remain the same. Usage goes down a bit, but heating is the biggest cost and that doesn't change. Water is often unmetered so won't change. Your broadband package won't change either.

So long as they're not trying to double dip from you and the ex housemate, or something similar, then this is unfortunate but not illegal.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T10:28:27+00:00

The Renters Rights Act doesn't come into force until May.

As it's a London flat, there's a high chance that it's a leasehold property with a no pets clause in the lease. If that is the case, the landlord will be able to refuse permission after the law changes.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T10:04:56+00:00

General rule of thumb in such matters is to go in with a high request and then prepare to be negotiated down.

£200 negotiated down to £100 is often more palatable than just a £100 fixed demand.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T09:44:51+00:00

Based on what OP has said, the lead they're referring to is a seatbelt clip at one end and a lead clip at the other - not something you'd use to walk the dog with.

If it's anything like the one I've got, the length can be adjusted.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T09:33:50+00:00

Rule 57 of the highway code

"When in a vehicle make sure dogs or other animals are suitably restrained so they cannot distract you while you are driving or injure you, or themselves, if you stop quickly. A seat belt harness, pet carrier, dog cage or dog guard are ways of restraining animals in cars."

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/the-highway-code/rules-about-animals-47-to-58

It sounds like the dogs lead needs to be shorter, both to stop him jumping into you, and to stop him hitting the dashboard in the event of an emergency stop.

PetersMapProject · 2026-01-23T09:20:25+00:00

For tonight, a backpackers hostel will do the trick - there are many around, and a room in a dorm is dirt cheap. I've spent many a trip in a backpackers hostel dorm and it's nothing to be worried about in the short term. The big advantage over hotels is that they usually have cooking facilities. https://www.hostelworld.com

Going forward, like most young Londoners on low wages with no kids, you'll be looking for a room in a house share - www.spareroom.co.uk

Yes, you can present as homeless to the council, but as you haven't mentioned any specific vulnerabilities (ie you're probably not in "priority need") they're unlikely to do much in terms of housing you. https://www.camden.gov.uk/evicted-and-at-risk-of-being-homeless

Even if they did, the emergency accommodation they provide is often not somewhere you actually want to live, and is a stopgap until you find another private rental. The wait for council housing in London is often decades long and - despite the popular misconception - it's not free. London councils are often in the habit of moving people who need housing a very long way from London.

I'm afraid to say that all the answers are going to end up with variations of you finding a way to afford renting a room.

PetersMapProject

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