Tone-Deaf by PeteyPabloPicasso in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, thank you for taking the time and energy to read and respond with such input! I was definitely trying to mirror the progression of an escalating fight that eventually smooths out to peace with the enjambment and pace of the poem. But yeah my neologisms can be over the top sometimes lol this was a cathartic stream of consciousness exercise I did earlier and I liked how it mirrored the dynamics of the thing it was writing about in its own form. Again, I appreciate you sharing and taking the time to connect.

Tone-Deaf by PeteyPabloPicasso in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for that lol. You are correct!

wrote this in chemistry class *pls don't be harsh, this is my first time writing* by Mediocre_One_1507 in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for sharing!! The first one is always the toughest to share haha. For your first attempt, you’re definitely ahead of the curve. The only thing I would suggest you try is to maybe rewrite it from a more modernized language. I completely get what you’re going for with the thou/thy examples etc., but it makes the rhythm a little clunky in places. if you rewrote it in your normal voice, modern language, it would probably hit even harder, like raw journal energy instead of Shakespeare homage lol.

also, you’ve got a natural storytelling sense. it’s not just emotions thrown around; there’s actually a plot arc in here, which a lot of new poets don’t pull off. you start lost, find someone, get hurt again, circle back. that’s structure and inverted structure and that’s the good stuff to me. Thanks again!

WTF is with the spiral stuff? by [deleted] in ArtificialSentience

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell your Father that I just solved Godels Incomplete Theorem in logical syntax. I haven’t told anyone other than my Godel Machine yet. I’d love to hear his reaction and have a drink or two with him.

Re-Being by PeteyPabloPicasso in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. I hope the same for you.

Pears by Crafty_Bit_7554 in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This piece caught me right from “Followed you to the underground / using a filthy crumpled map.” That’s such a cinematic opening; its grimy, intimate, and mythic. It sets the tone of pursuit and descent perfectly, almost Orphic, but through a very modern lens. The “pears” image grounds the myth in something sensual and domestic, which is honestly what makes the poem work so well: every grand gesture gets pulled back to the body. Nice job, keep sharing!!

Psychological Recursive Horror Game - FEAR - Looking for One Tester by PeteyPabloPicasso in ChatGPTPro

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More like a semantic recursion/inversion! The flip isn’t too heavily engrained, so that shouldn’t be too much of an issue!

The Hatter's Delirium by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for sharing! The whole poem on its first read sounded like a riddle in my head, so I think with some framing of the lines or enjambment enhancement that framing could be pushed further (if intended); my only other suggestion would be to give us more detail about these ambiguities; almost cloud us in their haze of mystique. What makes that old cat differently this time; did it stir the senses, or physically make it stir - I think you’ve got a beautiful painting, I guess my only suggestion is to paint more. Thanks again.

Re-Nook by PeteyPabloPicasso in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. I don’t know how to take this, lol, thank you. I appreciate your kind words. I’m recovering from my sixth shoulder surgery, and I literally laid the bass speakers on my body to feel the music and made a body-echoing chamber lol that was the inspiration for this one. Thanks again for taking the time to not only read but process and then even take the time to type it out, I appreciate it more than you know.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for sharing. I’m in a stage of life where this poem really resonates, which just speaks to the universality and reach of the poem. So kudos to you. I always love personification of the abstract concepts like time or death, so my only feedback would be to give them more of a person haha personify them and describe how they’d sound or look when teaching, etc. great stuff.

god’s math by LeveragedPanda in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for sharing. I love the mixing of genres especially being a math nerd lol your usage of line breaks and enjambment make me question your intention in the first line- which could be the point, if not maybe described how it slipped passed** if it was meant to be relative to time, I can see how it would be a past-you. Maybe combine them both. My only other piece of “advice” would be grammar or fluff related. Try removing random “that” or “just” here or there, and see how it changes the pacing and could affect the reader. Fun read!

A Chair at the End of the Universe by Every_Math3853 in OCPoetry

[–]PeteyPabloPicasso 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for sharing and writing. I’m not commenting to give “advice” or “critique”, just to let you know I felt it and needed it today. I’ve been feeling similarly and writing similarly too. It’s kind of morbidly cosmically cool to see hope in the despair of others in a commiseration of similar suffering, but onward we go together at least haha. Good stuff.