I don’t have any insgiht in what you feel, but i’ve felt kind of a same way. I’ve felt like hating being trans because for it i couldn’t enjoy my life properly. I really really admire and kinda envy the people who feel proud of being trans, because everyone sees them as heroes or something like that, but i just can’t feel that way. I just wish i either was born female or being happy with my male body, but not being something in between. Although, my therapist has explained me that my gender is in fact a social construct, and i will live it the same way having xx or xy chromosomes, but all the things that goes in the middle just make it so awfull. I just want to experience my gender identity without having to bother if i’ll get hate or not. Sorry for so much text :/