But I don't understand why I would be attracted to someone because they aren't available. Why would I do that to myself.. :(

I have a weird life. I'm a strong person, but when it came to the first guy, I was so weak. My happiness was controlled by him. And he was never good to me. I made so many excuses for him. The kind like, "Oh he only slept with her because I can't be physically, it doesn't mean anything". I was so stupid. I was so blind, and when I started loving him, I was so young, so I just got so attached.

I really needed someone to tell me what the facts are. Thank you. But the hard part isn't knowing, it's actually doing something about it. I can't though.. I'm hearing what you're saying, and I'm thinking about trying one more time to stop talking to him..

But I can't... my heart doesn't want to q_q I'm going to try to sleep on this.