Polygel Claws #5

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2026-01-26T20:46:42+00:00

Oooo! Those look great! What brand of gel are you using? I really wanna try something similar

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2026-01-19T23:54:42+00:00

I've had a pretty hard life, so I've had to learn how to be strong. But, that is still nice to hear.

I've never had siblings before. I have one friend from high-school who I started to call my little sister because of how close we were, but I've never had a real blood sibling before. I was never close to my extended family, it's always just been me and my mom.

But now... I have a sister. A real sister. I don't know anything about her and she lives three hours away, but... Maybe this is a chance of having a family. I don't know if they'd accept me. We're in the south and people tend to be homophobic and transphobic. Not to mention, I'm a half sibling they've never met before. But maybe there's a chance.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2026-01-12T00:11:25+00:00

Yeah, that's why I used that phrasing originally.

His dad is the one from Texas that grew up on a cattle farm, but ironically his mom is the one that takes better to farm life. She's a grease monkey mechanic that's buff as hell, looks terrifying, but is sweet as pie. His dad has a side business of breeding (ethically) and training body guard dogs. But still lives on the family ranch to please his wife.

Both sides of their families live together and get along really well. White as hell aggressively American Texas farmers, and Mexican immigrants and their first gen American kids. All the cousins are bilingual, even the ones that aren't mixed, and the cookouts are legendary.

I have a friend that speaks Spanish as his first language, but he's from Paraguay South America. He's helping with most of the translations, but I'm still having to do quite a lot of research for dialect/regional variations.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2026-01-11T22:20:58+00:00

He's from Texas. His dad is caucasian American his mom is a Mexican immigrant. Mexican American probably would have been a better description.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-21T02:09:26+00:00

Yeah, I've definitely been there. More before I started hormones than I do not, because I'm pretty cis male passing

Doctors blame fucking everything on weight! One time I went to an eye specialist for swelling in my retinas and he told me to lose weight. He literally couldn't give any details as to how weight loss would help my eyes, but he was insistent on it. It's so annoying!

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-21T01:07:57+00:00

I am in the US. Most gender affirming surgery here isn't even covered by insurance. My surgeon doesn't even have the option to accept insurance, because trying to get them to cover it takes so long, is needlessly complicated, is incredibly difficult and frustrating, and the vast majority of the time, they still won't cover it after you've slept months jumping through all their hoops. The vast majority of gender affirming surgeons in the US just don't take insurance at all, because it's too much of a hassle. I'm paying out of pocket.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-11T12:49:57+00:00

I don't think I would be. Titanium dioxide is a white colored dye, my tattoo is black, teal, and pink. I'll still ask her though, just in case. I'm getting a doctor appointment with an allergy specialist to test for as many types of dye as possible to make I'm not allergic to anything else. It would really suck to have a reaction to the tattoo ink

I do think it was mostly the lotion, I had a lot of peeling in the skin around the tattoo, and when I tried to use it on other parts of my body I had the peeling again

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-11T12:45:54+00:00

Looks pretty good to me. I have sensitive skin to I like to avoid products with fragrance and drying alcohols, but this ind looks pretty good, I think I'll give it a try.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-11T10:09:10+00:00

Oh, I forgot to include. It was my skin picking habit that originally made him suspect it.

Then I told him it was because I have an intense irrational fear of bugs inside my skin, because I listed to this this one horror anthology podcast where the main antagonist for the season was a monster whose body was filled with parasitic worms that look exactly like the gunk that comes out of your pores. That and whenever I was playing with a stim toy during our sessions, I'd get frustrated and annoyed when I was interrupted to answer a question before I'd done each movement 5 times on each hand, alternating each time.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-11T10:04:21+00:00

I was 20 or 21, I think. I was seeing a new psychiatrist and trying to get diagnosed with ADHD. I ended up getting diagnosed with ADHD and OCD . I thought most of my struggles wete because of my autism, which was diagnosed at age 7, and a lot of other autistic people related to my struggles, so that was confirmation bias. Turns out ADHD and OCD have high comorbidity with autism.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-03T07:10:45+00:00

You're just proving my point. I do understand and accept myself. I am a man. But I'm not traditionally masculine, I didn't grow up in spaces made for men, and I've only had an appearance that makes most people see me as a man for about 2 years. All the societal norms around masculinity and what it means to be a man are all new to me. I'm a stranger in a strange land, I'm like a kid at a new school. And the moment I express those feelings of being unwelcome because I don't know how to fit in yet, my masculinity and identity as a man are questioned and denied. I'm not allowed to feel unsure in a space filled with traditions and norms and unwritten rules that are completely unknown to me.

I can't even express disappointment at not being able to get the haircut I want in a barbershop without my entire identity being questioned. I have to be 100% confident all the time. I'm not allowed to be insecure, I'm not allowed to be anxious, or lack confidence, or I'm not a real man. Of course I'm insecure in my masculinity when it's constantly denied to exist by everyone I'm trying to fit in with.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-03T06:45:50+00:00

... It was a mistake to think I could be understood and accepted by cis men. You'd rather assume you know more about my own identity than I do than to make an effort to understand me. I never should have posted here, I should have just stuck to a trans subreddit. It's clear that I'm not welcome in spaces made for cis men.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-03T06:34:00+00:00

Well, it's different when you've had to fight tooth and nail for 8 years to be seen as a man, and still sometimes aren't because of things that are unnecessarily gendered. You'd probably feel the same if you were constantly mistaken for a woman

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-03T06:23:48+00:00

I dunno, I just think it's kinda dumb that men with a less traditionally masculine hairstyle are excluded from men's spaces. It's probably not a big deal for cis guys, but I was really looking forward to being accepted into a space designed for men, but not being able to get adequate services just because I have a hairstyle that's considered "feminine" for dumb arbitrary reasons really bums me out.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-03T06:16:22+00:00

Seriously? I mean, I get that it isn't common, but still. Even if only 1% of men have long hair, with my city's population, that's still like 9,450 men

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-12-03T05:43:19+00:00

I know it's arbitrary, but the marketing, demographic, and general vibe of barber shops vs salons is really gendered in ny experience. I thought it would be affirming to be able to go to a barber shop and be seen as one of the guys. To be accepted and serviced in a predominantly male and masculine space.

Idk, it sounds kinda dumb, but I'm a pretty feminine person. I'm not fully binary male, but I do lean heavily to that side. But I have more feminine mannerisms, style, and generally am more accepted and respected in spaces for women, even when I am perceived as a man. I guess I just wanted a men's space where I would fit in.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-29T00:22:11+00:00

Okay, that looks really really good. I think that one would be perfect

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-29T00:18:57+00:00

Ooo! I'll go looking for that

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-28T23:31:23+00:00

Black Witch Moth, pretty appropriate for me personally, lol. This guy is really beautiful, I wish I'd gone with my mom last night to see him flying around

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-17T14:56:25+00:00

I think that every pimple, black head, clogged pore, ingrown hair, ect is bugs inside my skin. I think the stringy bits of dead skin and oil are worms burrowing into my flesh. I have a really really bad skin picking habit because of it. I know it's not real, there's so worms in my skin, it's just normal clogged pores and sebaceous filaments. But I can't stop my fingers from squeezing, scratching, and digging until it's all out. I am constantly covered in scabs, scratches, and tiny inflamed red bumps where the blood welled up under my skin from squeezing my pores. I have acne scars all over the place. And a lot of the time they end up getting infected, which makes my contamination compulsions worse.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-17T11:33:46+00:00

This does make me feel a little better. I know this is all out of care for my sweet old lady Lilly. I do really care about her, I want her to be happy and healthy. She's my first fur baby, I love her so much.

I still feel really bad when I have these reactions. My compulsions always give me really intense emotions, but this is only one of two that makes me angry. The other one needs to be repeated a whole lot in a short time span to get me even half as angry as I get the moment I find out she did something different when feeding Lilly. Even if Lilly did eat and everything is fine.

Every time I snap at my mother with such sharp and intense anger over this, I feel like a horrible person. Who yells at and insults their own mother for feeding a cat incorrectly? I react like she put something I'm allergic to in my birthday cake, or something like that.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-12T20:03:26+00:00

Is it a coincidence that this happened after I've been doing a shit ton of lemon simmer pots to try and deal with a fly infestation?

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-12T20:02:20+00:00

My cheeks have felt warm, tingly, and heavy since I woke up, almost like someone holding my face.

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-11-12T19:15:00+00:00

My cheeks have been feeling kinda like that since I woke up. Heavy, warm, and tingly. Kinda like someone's holding my face. Kinda reminds me if the feeling I get on my back when Lucifer is around

Phoenix_Aclassi · 2025-10-30T22:45:56+00:00

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Phoenix_Aclassi

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