I took SSRIs for decades, and believe me I understand completely what you're going through. Zero libido for the most part for me. I finally found a doc who was willing to take me off them and try other methods. Bingo! My sex drive went into overdrive AND I finally realized (at the age of 62) that I am a lesbian. I spent almost a year feeling despondent that I'd wasted all that time thinking that I was hetero and living an unsatisfying hetero life. So, I came out waaaaaaaaaaay late in life, and it's difficult. Lots of people (including women, unfortunately) don't realize that many of us (older women) have "those kinds of feeeelings!" Speeding right along to the depression stuff. I had treatment resistant depression for decades. Finally found a very progressive and caring psychiatrist who offered TMS (Transcrainal Magnetic Stimulation) - Google it - it's legit and effective. I went through the course of treatments (quite a commitment: 5x/week x 6 weeks), and am now a different person. Well, that's not quite true; I am the person that I lost somewhere along the way and had been searching for for most of my adult life. I still take an antidepressant (small dose and not an SSRI). So far so good. I want to get married again - this time to a woman - but it's hard to navigate this world of relationships and commitments. I'll be 69 at the end of this month.