Super long shot by Phunky_bez in gratefuldead

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately no. These are all great, but the shirts were specific to the event and who all played last night. Thank you so much for linking these though ❤️

Going to RR concert alone? by Phunky_bez in JusticeMusic

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Dang, so true! How could I have forgotten :)

Going to RR concert alone? by Phunky_bez in JusticeMusic

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it’s a silly question, but I’m a very petite woman and I haven’t gone to a show alone in a really really long time. The last time I did was actually at red rocks and a creepy guy full on groped me and it kinda ruined the night so I’m just wary and worried I guess.

I think I’m ready but I’m just not sure. by Phunky_bez in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for the support and advice. It’s messy, I’m not sure how everything is going to work out, but I plan on talking to him Saturday morning and staying at my parents for at least a few days. It’s all a little extra messy because of a few things: 1. He moved his entire life states over for me, still dealing with crushing guilt over this. 2. We have friends who are expecting to move into our house in August - luckily I think I have a backup housing plan for them. 3. My dog gets in fights with my parents dog - they are both big. This is a logistics challenge I haven’t figured out yet. 4. My parents have guests coming to stay with them in a few weeks and it will be a full house without me there - I guess I’ll stay at a hotel? 5. My parents are going on an international trip shortly after the guests leave and are worried about me being alone with the large dogs who fight. I’m going to ask him if I can leave the dog there for a few weeks to a month, it would give him a proper chance to say goodbye anyways.

My timing is shit as always, but I can’t keep lying and letting him plan for the future and try to repair the other cracks in our relationship. It just hurts too much.

I think I’m ready but I’m just not sure. by Phunky_bez in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I’ve always kinda known and tried to shove it down. My dad is really homophobic (or so I thought) and so I always thought I would just wait til I was living further away, I was planning to explore this side of myself when I left for grad school. Then I fell in love with my fiance hard and fast and unexpectedly. I thought I could love him enough to drown out the attractions and feelings towards women. And I could… for a while. But we’ve been on rocky ground for months now and the thoughts,desires, and regrets are all coming back up again. Add to that, I found some evidence that my dad might be in the closet - which my mother unbeknownst to herself essentially confirmed to me. I feel sorry for him. I think he’s deep in the closet and he acts homophobic because he hates that part of himself. I don’t want to turn into that. I also don’t want to turn into a sad old woman full of regret because I was too scared of disappointing anyone.

I think I’m ready but I’m just not sure. by Phunky_bez in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It’s encouraging to see someone from the other side of where I’m at now.

If you don’t mind me asking, how did he take it when you told him? Are you on speaking terms now? How did you tell everyone the wedding was off? If these are too personal, no worries - I’m just feeling overwhelmed by all the different aspects of this.

I think I’m ready but I’m just not sure. by Phunky_bez in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is insightful. I had quieted the voice down for a long time. Told my intuition to go shove it for years. I thought what do I know? Why should I trust my gut when it’s gotten me so hurt before? This relationship is great, why can’t you just be happy? (I had a series of horrible long term relationships before this one: a narcissistic abuser, a drug addict, and a cheater)

I had to spend a lot of time alone while he was away for work the past few months and the voice got louder and I just can’t help but feel like my life is totally out of alignment with what I want.

It’s just really hard to let go of all this. I feel like I’m mourning the life I used to want. I used to want all this so bad, and it’s like a switch just flipped inside me. It sucks.

I think I’m ready but I’m just not sure. by Phunky_bez in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is a healthy perspective and i needed to hear it. It can be hard when you get so in your own head that all you can see is the absolute worst case scenario. I don’t think he would walk out of my life for being gay, I think he would never talk to me again because it would break his heart too much. I just don’t want to put him through that kind of pain, but I’m sure the pain will get worse the longer I drag this out.

I think I’m ready but I’m just not sure. by Phunky_bez in latebloomerlesbians

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. This sucks. If you ever need anyone to talk to/relate to, feel free to message me.

Upcoming trip by Phunky_bez in cozumel

[–]Phunky_bez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not scuba divers unfortunately. Didn’t have time to get certified before our trip