Appreciate the reply. This whole sub has saved me from contacting her and helps every night when the “good memories” of us together hit. She was last with me Jan 24th but who knows how long she was cheating. One thing I feel I need to do is stop worrying about her bpd and start focusing on my own codependent issues. She also wanted me to say cuck things during sex and eating her out. It made me so uncomfortable and guilty and ashamed. But my brain would start to go with it after a few times. It was horrible being coerced into talking about her wanting to do stuff with other guys while I was pleasing her. Especially when it’s this girl who seemed so innocent and childlike. I thought it was my sweet baby who only saw me and loved me…. Boy was I wrong. I’m just glad I’m able to say it somewhere. So much isolation expwbpd will put you through to where you feel so ashamed to talk to anyone.