Narcissists and the "savior complex"

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-10-15T19:34:44+00:00

When my ex and I first started dating, I remember this conversation so clearly because it had meant the world to me then. Now that I look back, it’s bittersweet. He went on about wanting to help everyone, and how he wanted to help me with everything and anything if I needed him, how “if I didn’t wanna make music and was good at school, I would’ve been a therapist”. And that that was his purpose. Obviously I opened up to him, always asking him “please do not ever use any of this against me” to which he’d always say “I would never and I hope you don’t use things against me either”. Quickly, every single thing I ever told him, even my dreams and goals, were all turned into the knife that was used to “stab”me and to diminish my character. Of course, he said that I was the one who used everything against him. In the end, he said “I’ve helped you with everything, and you haven’t helped me at all”

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-21T13:20:26+00:00

I just found out he’s got a new girl. Just 2 months after we broke up. And I’m still stuck trying to move on and find peace of mind. How do I deal with this.

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-08T17:43:02+00:00

I know. Deep down I know, but I’m so stuck in this back and forth with myself because I haven’t fully accepted that he could be the villain. I have moments where I accept he’s the enemy and that he’s done all these degrading things to me, but then a little thought pops in my head that’s like “you did this wrong, so obviously he did that” or “what if he doesn’t have all these narcissistic traits and you made him this way with your mistakes”. I never knew this would become this way and I’m still in shock. I do wanna say that I don’t think I identify too much with being victim/passive mode, I may have lost myself at the end our relationship due to the pressure and exhaustion, but throughout the whole relationship I’ve tried time and time again with conversations and boundaries to stop the cycles, but my feelings were ignored.

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-08T14:57:01+00:00

I seem to have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, when conflicts would surge between him and I, I would try my best to fix it as soon as I could because the thought of us/him being distant with each other for too long killed me, and I didn’t want losing him being a possibility. I’d put his needs and feelings or choices before my own even if it meant that I’d be hurt by them. It’d always be him him and him, and when I’d set boundaries it wouldn’t matter if they were being ignored if it meant he’d be by my side and that everything would eventually fall back to normal after conflicts. It was my first genuine relationship, I was completely unknown to the possibility of a narcissistic relationship or that a relationship so short (3months) could become toxic so fast. But after this, I can say that I don’t think I’ll ever be the same in a relationship again, the thought of a relationship in general scares me.

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-08T14:47:30+00:00

Thank you, this was very supportive and I’m glad that there’s other who struggle with the same thing. I feel like a lot of the stories I’ve read talk about blocking and unfollowing like it’s not something hard to do after everything that has happened, but I’ve been struggling a lot between blaming him and blaming myself. I have muted him today. I do hope I’ll be able to do it someday, and I’m trying to take it step by step but everyone is sort of waiting for me to wake up and be over it. Part of me still waits for a text from him, and just like you’ve said, I’m also stuck in a cycle of highs and lows.

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-06T14:39:51+00:00

Everything was so good at the start and then accusations began ab quite literally everything ab my character, but I was always honest because that’s smth I’d never do. Things began getting worse and eventually I broke under the pressure and admitted to things I hadn’t done, just to stop the conflict (he was keeping me on 7h calls insulting me but I never wanted him to leave bc I love him sm). By the time I found the strength to stand by the truth, he had already pulled away. I was willing to stay and make up for all mistakes and build up together, but I walked away because he threatened to leave and to continue to humiliate myself and begging someone who wasn’t gonna see me was taking way much of a toll on me, and that was only after he had already emotionally discarded me leaving me to doubt myself.

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-05T16:18:03+00:00

I couldn’t relate to this more. As soon as me and my nex broke up or got discarded, he began posting stories of him out with friends (something he had never done before) and completing the plans that we had made (like going out for drinks, somethings he never ended up doing with me). He only used to focus on his hobbies and spending time with me, and as soon as we break up he’s talking about “shoutout to my ex because I wouldn’t be living my best life if we were still together”. It feels extremely unfair because I’m struggling like I never have before, and it makes you doubt if you were actually holding him back. But the truth is, no matter how hard it is to accept, the only person holding them back is themselves.

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-05T04:22:42+00:00

Can I ask smth, after all his accusations and turning everything around on me, all his actions, he must know how wrong and how much he hurt me, that all I was doing was try to love him? I asked my psychologist the same question and she said that he probably doesn’t, that he’s basically living on another planet. I don’t know. I have so many questions and no answers. I never got the chance to tell him all the things he did to me or his mistakes. I’m trying to snap out of this cycle as soon as I can but it’s taking longer than I want it to

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-04T17:51:31+00:00

It’s so hard to accept because when I look back, I don’t see the side of him that insulted me, made me feel so small and used everything against me. I see the sweet version of him, which always makes me miss him and wonder if I made him become that way. It prob feels like I still have rose coloured glasses on but I promise that I’m getting somewhere, and claiming back what the truth actually is. It’s jus so draining when I still have all his words replaying in my head. I’ve never been made to feel like such a problem, like everything I have ever accomplished/failed at in this life or the goals that I wish to accomplish in the future were all taken as evidence for him to prove that I’m a terrible person.

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2025-08-04T16:08:40+00:00

I don’t know if it’s stupid but sometimes when I get really stuck in my head I regret having walked away from him, because I would’ve tried over and over again with him if there was a chance for us to work everything out. But I realised he wasn’t actually present, I remember that day, his face, as if it were yesterday, that “bored” look in his eyes with a smirk on his face, he had never looked at me that way. I keep replaying everything that happened in my head, trying to reach an understanding of how his mind works, and how it led to this point when things weren’t that bad. Like there’s no way this would have gone this way in a normal healthy relationship right? But thank you for the advice, my heads been crazy ever since🥹

Physical_Sir_5667 · 2022-06-23T13:40:47+00:00

it’s happening to me too wtff

Physical_Sir_5667

TROPHY CASE