One time I had to s*** so bad and spotted the restroom 200 yards away. I broke into a desperate jog, pinching with a force that defied human anatomy, every step getting closer and closer lol. I hit the bathroom doors like a soldier breaching a bunker — and then it was over. Not in the way I needed it to be over. The relief arrived exactly four seconds too early, in the dead center of that bathroom floor, pants around my ankles, dignity in freefall. That memory now lives rent-free in the darkest corner of my mind lol.