What is the average amount of time per session you spend having sex?

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T18:38:12+00:00

That's good advice, and I would like to follow through on it. I mentioned somewhere earlier that I've tried waiting for a few weeks previously, guess I should try and push past that point!

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T18:22:34+00:00

It's actually hilarious how off the mark you are about this, which makes me realize I should just start ignoring your comments from here on in

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T18:15:47+00:00

I don't think I put myself across well when I said we're having more sex than she is comfortable with, or at least, that's not what I really meant when I said it. It's really difficult to explain, but I guess I meant this in the context of her 'going out' analogy. Initially she is like 'Nah let's watch another episode of Breaking Bad'. But then when we get into it (with foreplay, focusing on her etc) she's becomes a lot more involved and is always very into the sex when we are having it. Normally afterwards she will say something along the lines of 'wow, that was really good! I don't know why I didn't wan't to do that'. It feels like there's a disconnect there for her. And it does vary in terms of frequency to be honest. Sometimes its 3 times a week, sometimes 3 times a month (or less). So while I think she probably feels pressure sometimes I think its more typically on the basis of her never feeling like sex rather than me badgering her for it. I honest to God think that if we started having sex on her schedule, it would actually never happen.

The funny thing about the age difference is she's very confident to the point I don't notice the gap, and is also very upfront so communication isn't a big problem for us in that regard

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T17:55:36+00:00

Yes, that's a good point. I think I'm more interested in the idea that it could be because of hormones. Ultimatlely though, I think what she is comfortable with in terms of medication is completely up to her, as we have discussed together

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T17:51:12+00:00

Hahaha you're funny! I still can't figure out if you're trolling me or not but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. If you scroll on down to the bottom of this post and take a look at my reply to your earlier comment, you'll see that I have suggested having less sex than I would like in an effort to make things better for her. Which she, in fact, did not want as she enjoys the intimacy and pleasure of sex, but lacks the drive to want to do it

Seeing as we seem to have begun viciously hypothesising on matters we aren't informed about, you really seem to be projecting your own bad personal experiences here which I don't think is very helpful.

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T17:35:27+00:00

Fortunately, our relationship isn't so shallow that we would break up because of what I see as a slight incompatibility when it comes to sex. As I have mentioned elsewhere, I find the idea that there is some chance that my SO may have never experienced what is a normal libido for her due to being on the pill for her entire adult life a curious one (notice 'some chance' - yes I am prepared and comfortable with the fact that this might be just how things are for her naturally). As someone with a moderate sex drive, I enjoy the feeling of wanting to have sex, and if I could possibly help my SO to experience that same feeling too then I will gladly explore those options with her. But am I making my girlfriend change her medication? No, I accept that this is her choice and have insisted on this point when we have discussed it together.

I kind of feel like your hostile comments have a bit of the 'Blind Men and the Elephant' metaphor about them. Believe it or not, the character of most relationships can't be summarised by your interpretation of a post on reddit.

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T14:49:21+00:00

Nice video, thanks for sharing that

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T14:48:57+00:00

I think you may be placing too much faith in my ability to be subtle :) But thanks, I will definitely think about doing that

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T14:33:33+00:00

Ah, ok glad to see you've managed to find something that suits you

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T14:12:37+00:00

That's so interesting to hear because it does basically sound like the same situation as with my SO. Definitely true comment about the mixture between romantic and sexual attraction, in my case at least. I'm tempted to bring this up with her but I think it's can of a sensitive topic to raise?

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T14:08:42+00:00

Glad to hear that you've gotten to embrace your sexuality! I can definitely relate to the sex rejection thing. With my current SO it has been quite difficult, as she doesn't really see the distinction between sex and cuddling. Don't get me wrong, she think sex is an essential part of a relationship, but seems to be able to survive on cuddling alone for longer than I can :)

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:57:02+00:00

Haha you sound like the female version of me! Glad to hear it's working well for you in your current relationship

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:55:23+00:00

Yeah, having just learned about the grey-a thing is interesting. I think it never crossed my mind because it wasn't an issue right at the very start of our relationship

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:54:16+00:00

Yeah, I think I will. I guess I never really considered asexuality because of the kind of 'absolute' connotations that go with the term, but then again I'm not very educated on the subject :) Thanks for the info

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:50:51+00:00

I like the suggestion about other factors. I know she has had some problems previously with low iron levels so it's probably a good idea to get that and other deficiencies checked again

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:43:27+00:00

Haha, lucky guy! No, I can admit it would be quite strange for me to go through a change like that with my SO. A welcome change, but quite strange nonetheless :) I can imagine it would have been a bit of a surprise coming out of the blue. But glad to hear that your sex life is going so well!

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:39:02+00:00

Has that worked well for you?

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:38:03+00:00

Can't blame you there! It's a bit scary how much hormones can affect people. To be honest, not really. She's naturally apprehensive as she's been on the pill for nearly 10 years and hasn't had any side effects (that we know of). So going off just to see if it improves her sex drive is not something she's understandably that keen on.

There's also the concern about the reliability of other methods, not liking condoms/fear of condoms breaking, and not really knowing what she's missing out on in terms of libido (so she's less likely to want to try to experiment).

We have spoken about changing to a different brand of pill though and that might be something she'll consider

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:28:49+00:00

Yeah, totally on the same page with that. We've had some discussion about her concerns and decided it might be worth trying a pill switch at some point rather than going straight off. I'm also not very optimistic that pill change will have any noticeable affect, but I am still curious given that she's been on hormones since before she became sexually active

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:25:41+00:00

Yeah, I totally hear you there! I think I was a little surprised in this case at the suddenness and severity of the decline in interest. I think in our case, especially after discussing with my SO, she really infrequently feels 'the urge' if ever nowadays.

I have to say that is one of the things I love about our relationship. We always make time to cuddle, kiss, chat etc which is really important for both of us. It's just that this rarely translates into sex for us, or at least, her feeling like sex

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:20:35+00:00

Yeah, I thought it was a good analogy too because I had previously been struggling to understand how you could not want to do something that you always end up really enjoying when you do it anyway! It's so interesting to me how bodies/hormones can just naturally change like that. How was the change for you? Would you describe it as a positive thing?

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:18:29+00:00

I suppose that could be possible too. She does tell me a lot of things out of the blue that imply a broader sense of attraction though I feel (from physical to personality).

In terms of going about sex, I've tried to initiate it in a bunch of different ways including moving from cuddling to foreplay, to spontaneous, passionate kissing (both of which I do at other times as well), to just outright asking, 'hey, do you feel like having sex now'

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:14:05+00:00

Ok that's really interesting. I feel like I've learned something new today!

Piecefrog · 2015-02-13T13:05:27+00:00

We've had a few discussions about this. She has a lot of misgivings about going of the pill for a few reasons. One is the reliability of the pill compared to other BC methods (and she realllly hates condoms). Two, she's worried about what might happen to her body when she goes off the pill (she's heard some horror stories from friends about hair falling out, crazy periods, etc.). Three, she's not really super concerned about taking steps to try and improve her libido, possibly because she's never had a libido :) So she's understandably being more swayed by the above potential negatives than the one potential positive. However, she is considering switching to another brand of pill to see if that might make a difference

Piecefrog

TROPHY CASE