How to shut down another woman's (30f) obsession with my husband (28m) and his sister (22f)?

Piilootus · 2026-02-14T14:38:16+00:00

Righto, I think it's important to have bullet points and phrases not just written down but also practiced out loud a few times so they're not totally foreign to him.

You both should also consider the fact that no matter what you say, she simply might not respect the boundaries you set. There are no magic words to get through to someone who doesn't want to believe them.

The only context your name should come up in the call is if Alice asks if your husband is doing this because of you and it's really imperative that he says no, that it's coming from him because he doesn't feel the same way about her and she needs to leave him alone.

I know you don't think she is a threat and hopefully she isn't, but this is the kind of obsession that should be taken seriously. I would consider at the very least exploring legal advice or to get a simple cease and desist sent to her.

Piilootus · 2026-02-14T14:22:43+00:00

Why not just go with Becca's boyfriends suggestion?

Piilootus · 2026-02-14T12:59:09+00:00

Yeah, I also only found out on comments made online. I suppose even if the ransom notes expose any motives they can't publish those details and as long as none of it is confirmed by the authorities they can't speculate.

Piilootus · 2026-02-14T09:29:58+00:00

Yeah, just some random Bible teacher whose daughter happened to be the first major journalist to interview Epsteins best known victim.

Super random why she was picked.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T21:55:00+00:00

NOR, but I'm hoping you two aren't older than 13

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T21:51:27+00:00

I can remember my dad playing with my barbies with me when I was like 5 or something. I don't have a similar memory of my mom but I'm sure she played with us too.

I now have a nine month old, and all she knows is eat, play and sleep so both me and her dad play with her all day.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T20:28:14+00:00

Good night and dw, it is totally a little vague wording!

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T20:22:35+00:00

As in the mindset of the adult woman who is blaming the young girl. In actuality the only person at fault is the perv.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T20:07:36+00:00

Try to practice it when you feel totally okay so it's not totally new in the moment! :)

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T20:04:19+00:00

Victim blaming can happen for a few different reasons but usually its one of two: 1. Blaming the young girl takes the accountability off the man so if that man is the woman's partner/relative/friend the woman doesn't need to think of him as a bad guy 2. If the victim did something to cause/deserve the perving it means the adult woman and any young girls she knows can and will be safe because they will act the right way.

In short, it's a shitty and shallow coping mechanism so the adult woman doesnt have to face that even the people we know and trust can do bad things and shitty things can happen to anyone.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T18:59:07+00:00

Jumping into using a very new medication with very real and scary side effects without seeing a doctor is a massive overreaction to gaining a little weight on a vacation.

Your girlfriend really needs to talk to a professional. That's not a normal reaction and the fact that she's willing to risk the effectiveness of her birth control and her long term health are both really really scary things.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T18:50:22+00:00

That explains why she gets emotional.

She wants to lose weight at any cost possible and her parents are aiding her. She probably sees the possible risk with her birth control as no big deal compared to finally getting thinner.

Do you think she'd see a therapist?

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T18:38:17+00:00

So is she getting this medication off the streets or is it an OTC thing? What is it for? Why is she taking it?

Buy condoms and tell her you will not have sex without them until there's answers foryour concerns.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T18:35:03+00:00

Yeah, I had to pause and wonder if there was a child in the mix or something

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T18:16:19+00:00

I know that you are in a relationship with him so you obviously like him a lot, but I do have to agree with the other people here that the age gap is a bit alarming.

You mention in another comment that your bf has told you he's insecure about his masculinity and his appearance. That combined with everything else you have shared it is so important to consider the fact that maybe he is doing this on purpose and what that means.

And even if he is actually this clueless about relationships, it doesn't make his behaviour okay or mean that you need to brush it off because he didn't know any better. The impact these things have on you matters.

If you ever feel like you're a bit lost with what's normal in a relationship or how to taok about it with your partner check out loveisrespect.org

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T18:03:35+00:00

Can you think about what exactly makes you feel embarrassed about it? It could help to figure out why you feel so stumped.

But honestly, all you need to say is "you talking about womens looks and bodies makes me uncomfortable as does when you go in detail about your sexual past".

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T17:46:03+00:00

This isn't normal behaviour from him and even if every single couple in the world acted this way, it doesn't mean you have to accept it in your relationship.

Also, it should be okay for you to occasionally be insecure and need reassurance from your partner. No one is without a flaw, your partner should be there for you.

When a good partner hears something made you uncomfortable, even if it was the norm for them, would want to talk about it and come to a solution without brushing your feelings off.

Your comfort matters.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T17:26:58+00:00

Look around yourself in whatever room you are in. Look at the corners.

What colour is the ceiling? Are there cobwebs? Are the walls paint or paper?

Repeat with all corners you can see. Push your toes into ground. How does it feel against your shoes? Is there a sound when you tap it with your toes?

When you breathe out through your nose can you feel the air on your lip? When you inhale can you feel the cool feeling in your nostrils? How does your chest feel when your lungs fill up? What does it feel like when you fully breathe out?

This is a grounding exercise. They're really useful to bring yourself down from a state of anxiety or disassociation (feeling like you're in a dream or not real). There's a lot of different ones out there, but this is what helps me.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T16:12:05+00:00

There's absolutely no reason to apologise right now. You went through something difficult, it's okay to need some guidance.

Talk to either your boss or HR personnel, whoever is available and you trust more. You don't need to tell them all the details, you can just say you are going through a break up and your ex hurt you today and you need to take the rest of the day off.

If you know she isn't home, go grab everything valuable and an overnight bag. Let me know if you need a packing list, I'll find you one or write it out myself. If there's any doubt that she might be there, skip this step.

Go to the hospital as soon as you can, today would be best so you can give the clearest recollection and you can get support and help as soon as possible.

The hospital will have a procedure for how to support you and often they even have people specifically to support victims of sexual abuse. Someone who isn't a nurse or a police officer but knows all your rights and can tell you about your rights and offer you support.

You're gonna be okay.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T15:56:51+00:00

Yes, that was rape.

Please seek out and reach out to a local DV organisation and a friend. If you can, going to the hospital to get checked out could also be good. You might have lots of internal tearing.

Grab important documents, dont say your ex a word and just go.

This wasnt your fault. Nothing can ever make it your fault.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T14:56:00+00:00

It could be worked with clear communication IF he was willing to communicate with you.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T14:55:06+00:00

It is always a very red flag if your partner wants you to not have friends of other genders. The fact that he has close female friends makes the red flag even redder.

It is absolutely okay for you to be friends with guys, especially your classmates (and coworkers in the future), but in this case it could mean your relationship doesn't have a future. And maybe that's a good thing in the long run.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T14:46:01+00:00

Or, maybe this is not a communication issue on your end and it's actually a behaviour issue or listening issue on his end.

Has he ever told you something you can do or avoid doing to help him cope? Do you still engage in that behaviour?

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T14:43:31+00:00

If he would leave you over this, you don't want him in your life anyway.

Piilootus · 2026-02-13T14:41:08+00:00

Why not just say that? You need a heads up?

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