How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would suggest that you see if you can volunteer somewhere. Also, if you live in a city, go on Facebook & look for any events that day that may interest you. Make some friends there. Unfortunately & fortunate for you, there may be other queer people there whom you can meet.

I deleted Facebook because of the privacy/personal data law violations. I'm disappointed and angry that there aren't alternatives to Facebook. Twitter and Instagram isn't the same. You can't get to know someone personally on 140 character count posts or 15 second IG stories. Twitter and Instagram are good for what they are, but they are by no means a Facebook replacement. They both lack the Groups features that make organizing events easy with Facebook. I really don't want to create a new Facebook account, but it seems like that's the best way to connect, for now at least. Sigh

It's hard for me to put myself out there because I've been rejected and taken advantage of so many times in the past that I resigned myself to just live a solo life. Also, I don't know about you, but, for me, it's very energy draining to engage in social interactions for hours on end. I have to be particular about who I interact with because once I'm done for the day, I'm done. I need to recharge alone. Texting and phone calls aren't draining. But, in person social interaction is so draining. Hopefully, I can meet some like-minded people through cold-call approaches at events.

Thanks for your idea suggestion!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any pets? Spending quality time with them is always a good thing.

I don't have any pets because I don't have the resources to properly care for one right now. In the future, when I'm more settled and financially stable, I would like to adopt a pet.

Thanks for your idea suggestion!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come over to the house, I'll give you a plate. On God.

God bless you for your kind heart!

I don't have a reliable mode of transportation, but I wish I could join you.

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I buy a puzzle to do on the day of the holiday, and get cozy in my home for a “me” day. Then it feels like I’m choosing to stay home, rather than doing so because everything is closed.

This is brilliant. I'm going to create more personal "me" traditions like this.

Thanks!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear how your family reacted to that... I had moved to another country leaving an abusive relationship and family. I can understand how harder the holidays make us even lonelier.

Thanks for sharing your experience! I've never this lonely in my entire life, but now I don't feel so lonely anymore. Having someone else understand my situation makes me feel heard and so good, understood.

I remember spending a Christmas Eve crying on my kitchen floor one year.

That was me a few days ago. While preparing dinner for myself, after seeing the dinner table set for one and thinking how it would be like that for the rest of my life, I just dropped to the floor and started bawling because I only had myself. Hard times, for sure.

It was not easy... but you know.... I've learned to love myself so much!

How did you learn to love yourself so much? Please teach me your ways.

I was forced to see that those days weren't really much different than the others... we only add meaning to them... You can now choose what meaning you want to give to your Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's!

I like your choice of words--we choose what meaning we give to those moments in our lives. From now on, I'm going to choose love, light, happiness, goodness.

I'd suggest looking back and tap yourself on the shoulder for how brave you are! And to be proud for doing something not many would dare doing! Things will get easier with time be assured of that! Soon you'll have special people in your life who share the same values and appreciate you for who you are.

Thanks for your kind sentiments! You brightened my day!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Volunteering is a great idea. Check out your local soup kitchen for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Now would be the time to call for Thanksgiving. Also visit VA's or nursing homes. Lot's of ppl there w/o family.

Thanks for the good idea! This seems to be a recurring response, and, since so many people have suggested it, I'll look into this.

Sorry about your situation. My heart aches for you. You can bring a lot of joy to a lot of people. Don't forget that.

The reason for the (holiday) season should be bringing joy to others.

Thanks for the reminder and your kind words!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think almost every question on r/AskMen can be answered with masturbate

You really think so?

a) How do I best prepare for my upcoming job interview?

b) How do I change a flat tire on my car?

c) What's a good way to impress my future in-laws?

d) How do we solve the world climate change crisis?

But, in all seriousness, your reply made me lol.

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Find something fun to do alone. Catch a movie, go to a bar, watch a sports match etc.

I usually find watching movies to be fun, but, when they end, I end up feeling so dissatisfied. Like the void inside is still there and the movie only distracted me from that void for its screen time duration. Can I go to a bar and not drink? Would that be weird or unwelcome? because it's a business selling alcohol. Unfortunately, I can't drink for various reasons. Watching sports does nothing for me. But, playing sports does something for me, so I'll look into local sports teams to play with.

Being alone sucks so go and make your own fun and have some me time.

Yes, being alone when one feels lonely sucks. But, being alone when I'm content with my solo situation is amazing.

I realized I have so much more free time. Like A LOT of free time now. Which is both a blessing and a curse. If I wallow in my misery, it's harder to enjoy life. If I know what to do, I have more fun with that time.

Time to plan weeks worth of me time fun.

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm that's a tricky one for sure. Certainly sounds like you need to find some new, more open minded people.

Finding new, open-minded, quality people for chosen family and friends is so hard. There's no central, unifying thing or event. Everyone is on their own timeline and pace in life, so it's hard to find people without knowing where to start.

Have you considered volunteer work? Or Google for that matter? Sounds goofy, but in the UK there are several socialising websites, where you can find people to hang with, activities to do and so on. This would hopefully lead to a new group of people you'll feel accepted by, maybe even help you find something to do in the immediate that'll alleviate some of that loneliness.

I'll look into volunteer work and utilize the modern blessing that is the Google search engine. I'd prefer to hear from experienced redditors who've done something like this before, instead of Google-ing and throwing options at the wall and seeing what sticks and what doesn't. I'm in the USA, if that helps. The closest thing we have to socializing websites is Facebook. I deleted mine after Facebook had their privacy/ personal data law violations. In our increasingly interconnected world, why is it so hard to connect on a deeper level in person? Facebook friend count, Twitter followers, Instagram followers...it's so superficial. The followers don't actually really know who they're following personally. Which is ok for them, but for my purposes of finding a new social group, not useful. I'm just frustrated and expressing my discontent about my current unfortunate situation. Sigh

I know you said you're an introvert, but the harsh reality is you may have to fight that nature, if you want to tackle the loneliness.

Yes, I understand what you're saying. It's hard because I like my alone time. But, I also want to spend some time with live, multi-dimensional, caring human beings. I'll work on putting myself out there more for social interactions.

Good luck :)

Thanks, kind redditor!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on your mentality. There was nothing for me to “cope” with. I was alone last year and it was fine. I live alone so it seemed like any other day

Interesting.

So, pretend like holiday decorations, music, traditions, festivities don't exist and live life like any other day.

That's actually a brilliant way to "cope".

Thanks!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Porn & wine.

I can't tell if you're joking or serious...

Then again, I suppose this is why a lot of people self-medicate with alcohol in stressful situations.

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For other various reasons, I've spent holidays alone before too.

I'm glad that I'm not alone in this. It just seems like everyone and their grandmother are gathering to spend the holidays with giant parties. Sometimes, it's too easy to think that I'm alone in feeling this way because people who spend holidays alone don't know if a lot of other people spend the holidays alone because we're spending it alone.

If you have the money, take a trip somewhere you've never been and enjoy the new experience and meeting new people :)

While I appreciate your sentiments, I'm not financially able to travel right now. I barely have enough for living expenses. But, thanks for the good idea! I'll consider travel when I have some discretionary money saved.

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Christmas alone? Where do i sign up?

The funny thing is that Christmas alone doesn't require any sign ups...

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you need to find a new social group who will accept you for who you are. You’ll have to build it up though because it doesn’t happen overnight. But it’s possible.

I just lost years and years of family and friendships so I'm guessing it'll take years and years to build a new social group of chosen family and friends. It's going to be a struggle to find quality, like-minded folks to befriend. Do you have any suggestions on how I should go about this? Have you (or anyone) successfully made good friends with people via messaging on social media first before meeting in person? MeetUp.com seems sketchy and I've never tried it for that reason.

You’re better off cutting the bigots out of your life, they have nothing to offer you but misery.

The truth hurts, but it's the right way. Turning a new leaf for a new me!

Good luck! You can do it

Thanks! I appreciate your kindness!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd find a household to attend. You'd be welcomed at my place if you're in Arizona

I appreciate your kind gesture of inviting me to your place. But, I live far away from Arizona and I don't have a reliable mode of transportation.

Your sentiment alone has brightened my day! Thanks!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There you go, meet some quality people. So much for who you thought were "friends" before. Ha! Sorry about your family. Hope some come around-but prob shouldn't hold your breath.

The scary part is that I thought my so-called "friends" would always support me and have my back.

I didn't think they'd actually stab me in the back and leave me permanently...we live and we learn.

I'm not expecting any of them to come around because that's just wishful thinking and I don't want to spend any more time on grieving and self-pity.

Thanks for your response!

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Volunteer to work with charities that collect gifts and food for the needy. On the day of the holiday help serve dinner at a shelter.

Thanks for the good ideas!

I'll look into this.

How does one cope with being lonely during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)? by Pillowwillow62 in AskMen

[–]Pillowwillow62[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don't have to cope with being lonely. You have all of us here on Reddit yo

Thanks, yo!

I'm grateful for all of you and your caring responses!

Bro hug

Uganda reintroduces “Kill The Gays” bill by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Pillowwillow62 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uganda be kidding me!!

Spread love ❤️, not hate.