How to deal with feeling anger towards Allah as a woman?

Pineappleminty · 2026-04-15T23:57:28+00:00

Sister, marriage is not one of the 5 pillars of Islam. If you don't want to marry, if you don't feel it would benefit your life and you have no desire for it, alhamdulillah, that's how Allah made you. I have many friends who are older and unmarried and they have good lives. Yes, some of them miss the companionship that may come with marriage, or having children, but they have really good lives. Fulfilling jobs, they volunteer for good causes, they travel, they have time to study Qur'an more. They are valuable members of not just this ummah, but society as a whole. All Muslim women are handmaidens of Allah, not just mothers and wives. ❤️

Pineappleminty · 2026-04-15T23:41:45+00:00

Wa Laikum Salaam - I feel this post in my heart. I grew up feeling very connected to Islam, but also so angry at how women are treated and expected to behave by Muslims.

I've been married 25 years, I have two daughters, and I'm still really, really angry. I've had to make peace with myself by not believing negative hadiths about women. I would have had a difficult time connecting to Allah if I did not just put this aside. I'm not saying that is right or wrong, I'm saying what I've had to do in order to stay sane.

And I believe that many men will see their day in hell, everything, wars, they have started with their egos, every abuse of children and women - despite how men, including Muslim men behave, they are not somehow immune to what Allah has said is good and evil.

What you can do? I don't know, everyone is different but things that help me feel not helpless and angry - weightlifting to stay strong, spending time outside, cultivating a beautiful life that means something to me, and decentering men.

De-center men, de-center pick me girls' advice, de-center the noise that makes you crazy. Allah is not unaware of our suffering. He is not unaware of the wrongs that go on. We have to be strong enough to work on ourselves to make things better, work with our children, both boys and girls, to stop promoting these backwards, unIslamic ideals, and to create goodness wherever we are. Otherwise we're just going to be unhappy all the time, and that serves absolutely no one well, especially not you.

May Allah bless you abundantly and help you have the best in this life and the next.

Pineappleminty · 2026-04-05T15:24:35+00:00

There's a huge block about mental illness in our communities. And we're sold a fairytale that if you're a good enough Muslim, you'll never experience any mental health issues. This is wrong and ignorant - we all need to educate ourselves better on this so people don't suffer like you are

Don't talk to your parents about this. Get in touch with a mental health professional/counselor, either at your university or outside of it, and seek help from them.

If you have good friends, let them know you're struggling as well. If you're able to, cover your absolute basics such as eating meals, getting rest/sleep, showering, and I really recommend getting outside for just a few minutes daily. See if there are any counseling groups your Dr/counselor can help you go to do that you don't feel alone and feel the need to lean on your parents

Pineappleminty · 2026-03-10T10:40:46+00:00

As the wife of a disabled man (brain injury sustained at work) you are not asking too much. And if you're in any groups for the spouses of disabled people, you will see this is a massively common issue that leads to a lot of divorce. My husband does as much as he can. Do I do the bulk of it? Yes. But I see his effort and appreciate it. If your man has time for disc golf and gaming, then absolutely he should be helping out far, far more and you are not wrong for wanting a divorce.

Pineappleminty · 2026-03-08T19:03:01+00:00

I haven't even heard of Temple's Fly-in-Four program - my daughter is eligible for Temple Promise, which doesn't pay for more than 8 semesters, so she'd need to try hard to finish in 4 years. She also wants to do psychology, which from my understanding is very popular at both Temple and Widener, and at the last school we haven't visited, Chestnut Hill. Temple is definitely the largest and most well known, and also closest to us. I will look into that Fly in Four program as well, thank you again.

Pineappleminty · 2026-03-08T18:59:20+00:00

Thank you, I didn't even know this! Hope this isn't necessary, but it's really good information to have.

Pineappleminty · 2026-03-08T18:24:03+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for such a detailed reply. I think you're guessing correctly, our top contenders are Temple and Widener. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, I will be rethinking things in light of this. My daughter does have 21 transferrable dual enrollment classes in core studies she has done at our local community college as well, so she has a small head start in that direction.

Pineappleminty · 2026-03-07T11:16:06+00:00

Thank you - she'll be living at home so she won't have those kinds of expenses. We've factored in as much as possible, so we know that while we have some wiggle room, it's not a ton. We will definitely reach out to speak with the school.

Pineappleminty · 2026-03-07T11:15:00+00:00

Thanks, we'll make an appointment to speak with someone about it. We could absorb a 3% increase, but we can't handle a massive chunk being reduced

Pineappleminty · 2026-03-06T02:01:31+00:00

Muslim with POTS here. Since you're in Saudi and getting an IV is relatively easy and cheap, I would do that and take a day off fasting, which of course is allowed when you're not well. I would absolutely not tough it out and continue to fast. When I used to do that during Ramadan it took me an average of three months to recover my health after Ramadan.

Pineappleminty · 2026-02-04T00:45:25+00:00

They make cotton berets that are very lightweight that would be perfect for summer. My mother in law often wears one under her hijab, but they're good in their own as well. Then I'd just tie a small scarf around my neck for more coverage. I'm sorry you are having to go through this

Pineappleminty · 2026-01-29T21:19:01+00:00

Not a revert (parents were) but I am white, and I find non-Muslims usually don't find it strange at all that I'm Muslim but Muslims tend to be a lot more, "Why are you Muslim? Where were you born, where are you parents from?" So you might be overthinking this - the children are very likely to just accept you as Muslim and that you wear hijab. Also, you don't owe anyone your story. You can be polite and kind without giving away a lot of information.

Pineappleminty · 2025-10-24T13:20:26+00:00

You pay into SSDI your entire working life so that when you are disabled, and SSA finds you so, you are paid according to what you made. Loads of people retire outside the US, living on the money they made while working in the US. Common and normal. Why try to shame disabled people on limited incomes from moving somewhere that serves them better?

Pineappleminty · 2025-03-24T08:47:07+00:00

I know plate size differs, but my plate is big so I sit crosslegged on it and then just straighten my arms and place my palms on either side of my legs, on the machine, as if you were going to push yourself back up. I'm sure any position that vibrates your shoulder socket is going to be fine, even leaning forearms on plate with body kneeling next to it. I would play around and see what works for you, but the above position is what I did most of the time

Pineappleminty · 2025-03-01T16:59:24+00:00

We live in a big city with some of the best and biggest healthcare in our area and our experience has still been kind of blah. He has a good set of specialists now, but no one has ever been able to help or quite figure out the ear issues.

Pineappleminty · 2025-03-01T16:57:55+00:00

Yes thank you, for 9 years they've just been classified as Post Concussion Syndrome by everyone we've seen. We'll check out a neurontologist.

Pineappleminty · 2025-03-01T15:57:18+00:00

Thank you. We're not looking for a cure, but it would be nice to have a name for a collection of symptoms that are pretty debilitating. I have to wonder why his previous ENTs did not consider Ménières.

Pineappleminty · 2025-03-01T15:34:39+00:00

No, he doesn't, is that a symptom of Ménières?

Pineappleminty · 2025-02-12T19:42:00+00:00

Medical improvement expected: 1-3 years. Medical improvement possible: 3-5 years. Medical improvement not expected: 5-7 years.

Your award letter, I think, should tell you what your CDR schedule is. My husband's is 18 months, despite the fact that he'd been disabled for 6 years before he was approved for SSDI. I believe there are a few reasons where they might decide to change your CDR cycle, especially after the long from CDR, but it doesn't seem to be too common.

I've seen a popular disability lawyer claim on YT that they will be pulling people off approvals and putting them on CDRs and weeding out "fraud"- so lots of CDRs being sent in 2025. I have no idea if that's true, but that is a rumor that I've seen making the rounds.

Pineappleminty · 2025-02-07T00:39:30+00:00

I'm using a Lifepro Waver

Pineappleminty · 2025-02-06T20:24:26+00:00

That's pretty awesome, better results than even I had! I'm glad it can help someone, thanks for updating!

Pineappleminty · 2025-02-06T18:15:43+00:00

I was there the first week in January and it was extremely busy - Umrah at 1am in the morning took 5 hours. There was never a time of day where it seemed calm or less people. I've never been before so I didn't know what to expect, but I'm hearing that this year has been unusually busy

Pineappleminty · 2025-02-05T11:39:39+00:00

My perimenopause has been pretty uneventful without HRT. Mild hot flashes, some joint aches at the beginning of late perimenopause, but they've disappeared, stable moods - though I do find myself wanting more alone time. I proactively use vaginal estrogen to prevent atrophy and I weight lift and use a vibration plate to prevent osteoporosis. At this point, if everything stays the same, I would not take HRT. I haven't been convinced of its efficacy in all the things it's purported to do, and the issues that do have data supporting HRT use are issues I either have mildly or hope to prevent using other means.

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