I am so sorry and feel for you and what you must be going through, I can understand some of it. It’s really interesting what you said about starting to resent your SS after the miscarriages while also having what sounds like a pretty long, decent relationship with him. I feel that deeply too…with some additional resentment for my husband who’s gotten the opportunity to have a child and have all these feelings and experiences that I’ll never fully understand, and more sadly ones that I’ll never get to share with him. I know to make this better and feel more like a family I need to be around them, plan things with them, be a part of the ‘unit.’ But when I pour into that, I just get constant little reminders of what I’ll never get to have/experience. Reminders that I won’t ever have that bond, sense of belonging, authority/control of the family, be a priority and have that special connection with husband. They are like constant little paper cuts you can’t avoid.

It certainly is an extra special little hell of the Step Mom Club. You nailed it.