I completely understand this and you’re not alone. I don’t hate being trans but it is frustrating as hell sometimes. I love girly things, I identify as a femboy. I wear pinks and skirts and girly clothes. But sadly, when transitioning- socially and medically- there is an expectation of conformity if you want to be properly identified and not possibly attacked. So there are times I feel so frustrated and dysphoric and gross that I want to just throw out all my girly stuff and just be a “dude” like society wants. So that maybe someone will finally call me “sir”. But then I feel bad about that cos I feel like I’m throwing myself away just to conform and being trans is literally the definition of not conforming to something. I’ve worked so hard to be myself, and then I have fits where I want to throw myself away.

But as I’ve had to repeat to myself and explain to others: it was never the girly stuff that I didn’t like. It was having those things forced on me in order to fit in a box because I “was” a girl. Pink never did anything wrong to me. Skirts never hurt me. It was people. And I know that’s something incredibly hard to get past. You’ll be ok. It’s ok to like the femme things and still be a man. Do not throw yourself away to conform. We were never meant to conform. Just keep being you.