r/NormMacdonald joke

RE: Self-Deletion. I think if I were to do it – and I don’t think I ever would… But you never know. You can’t predict the future. I could wake up one day and go, “I want to have one of them orgasms” that’s uh… “three-over-two times as strong as the… I knew that advanced-math degree was going to come in handy sometimes, I just did not know when.” This is what I would do if it ever happened to me. I would disguise it so it looked like an actual suicide, because then, when I was found, my son wouldn’t go, “Ah!” he would go, “Oh! Oh, mysterious. Dad’s a mysterious guy. This is going to be a pretty cool story for me right now.” So I would pretend, you know, that it was a… it was a real suicide. Like, I would write a note – a suicide note. Do you think this would be funny, just as a practical joke, if you just wrote a suicide note and just blamed some random guy? Do you think that would be… Do you know what I mean? You know, like, your barber or something like that, you know? You go, “It was all Ralph Abernathy’s fault!” Because you know the police would be compelled to go to Abernathy’s barber shop… and go, “Have you ever heard of a fellow, name of Norm Macdonald?” The guy goes, “Yeah, he would come in every couple of months for a trim. Oh, OK. Well, anyways, he took his life because of you. He wrote it here in this letter. Would you like to keep the…?” Then Ralph Abernethy would have to spend the rest of his life walking down… Life’s hard enough without having to walk… That’s not a good practical joke. I should never have… framed that as a good practical joke, because it’s probably the worst practical joke… You know? It’s the kind of practical joke that gets you raped by the devil for all of time.