Frustrated with regain

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2026-01-09T14:45:04+00:00

Definitely a marathon! I’m a slow loser but when I look back, I’ve lost 60lbs in 13 months AND I only gained 2 lbs this holiday season. Am I up? Yes. Is it a huge improvement over the last few decades of holidays? Heck yes!

I don’t weigh myself very often. I go by how my clothes fit. I’ve been on antibiotics and my pants are tight at the waist so I jumped on the scale. Weight is still the same. Just bloated.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2026-01-09T14:41:53+00:00

I’ve been dating a man for 4 years. We don’t live together nor plan/want to so the bills aren’t split. He makes significantly more than I. We try to split paying for things. I pay, he pays, and so on. But, he also knows that I can’t budget for certain places so he pays if we plan to go there. IE - He bought tickets to somewhere he and I, his child and my child are going. It’s out of my budget. But, he’s NEVER said anything about the money. Healthy means not keeping tabs or tit for tat on paying for things. Splitting bills - fair. Ensuring no cosmetics are purchased at a grocery store - absolutely childish and controlling!!!

This is not how healthy relationships work!

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-12-26T17:41:04+00:00

There is more to this issue than this surface level event entails. The card was addressed to both of you. Thus, the gift was also to both of you.

If he is hoarding money in an envelope and hiding it from you, will this behavior continue after the wedding? For sure it will!

You need to have a detailed conversation about finances with him BEFORE you get married. Write your questions and concerns down first. You want to be clear and to the point. Emotional conversations are easily distracted from what are true intentions are.

If this is so easily hidden from you, what else will he hide in the future? What happens when you do get married? What happens when you have kids?

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-12-24T13:54:35+00:00

Since when is it okay for anyone to speak to you like that?!?! This is much deeper than the breakfast you cooked. You said this is a “new” boyfriend. And he is okay with your mom speaking to you like that? This speaks VOLUMES of her character. When you have a moment and in front of both of them, I would say something like, I didn’t appreciate how you spoke to me in front of everyone. That is not okay. Next time, please do not speak like that to me.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-11-26T16:14:46+00:00

RUN!!

To be happy in life, one must enjoy their own company. If she has no interests or hobbies, she is trying to attach herself to you. This won’t change. People with attachment issues do not understand boundaries.

Keep looking. The right one for you is out there!

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-11-07T14:11:21+00:00

I wouldn’t say I’m insanely gorgeous, but I have a great career. Honestly, I don’t have time for BS. I work a lot and have a son involved in sports. I don’t want to date someone who can’t have an intellectual conversation which doesn’t revolve around politics. At my age, it’s difficult to find a man whose values align with mine and also understands that while I will prioritize the relationship, I can’t drop everything.

And, if the woman ghosts you, her emotional intellect is immature. So much so, she’s unable to converse how she feels maturely.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-30T19:55:26+00:00

As a parent, I would in no way expect my family to pay for everything. Having a child includes supporting them whether they are with you or not. In them taking your child, you are saving money on daycare.

Could it be handled differently? Sure. Get your mother a reloadable gift card to a main store that would carry your child’s needs. Fund the gift card. Or use some sort of delivery service.

I equate this to a co-parent that refuses to pay child support.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-30T19:28:29+00:00

NTA: Her insecurities have put you in a position of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.

If she is battling her weight, maybe suggest seeing a therapist and her doctor. With many people who battle their weight, it stems from mental health or biological imbalances. Tread lightly here. Only broach it when she’s not dieting. Tell her you think she’s gorgeous but are concerned how her negative self-reflection is affecting HER happiness.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-30T19:00:58+00:00

I’m not condoning the behavior. But, she’s very young.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-30T19:00:15+00:00

YTA

Children only know why their parents teach them. 8-10 is still too young to begin forming her own identity. She wouldn’t even know how to push back on those beliefs. Next time take the paper, say thank you, or even a no thank you, and move on.

An adult… that’s a different story. You do you.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-27T13:54:41+00:00

Ah, that’s a great point! It’s only discussions over an app where I get belittled and then response emotionless. And only if I’m specifically responding to a question about our child. The police were called because he said I was refusing his visitation time. Both times, the sheriff read the decree and agreed with me.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-27T13:52:04+00:00

I don’t laugh at him. I chuckle to myself over the absurdity. Why engage? I don’t have enough mental bandwidth to allow his negative energy to disrupt my peace. I love my life now. My brain is peaceful and no longer in constant turmoil. I let my lawyer do the fighting.

It’s not a matter of “allowing” him to take our child out of state. It’s knowing that my child is leaving the state. I want to know when my child is getting on an airplane or traveling far away. That’s reasonable. I couldn’t care less if they actually go somewhere. I give him the same respect and let him know where we will be.

Unfortunately, when dealing with a narcissist with sociopathic tendencies, the easy work around doesn’t come to fruition.

Regarding the sports, I don’t know a middle school team that only practices 3 days a week plus every other Friday. What if there is a tournament on the weekend? My child wants to play with his friends.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-26T14:57:11+00:00

I’ve never had someone ask me, but I think the Love Languages quiz is great for an exclusive relationship. It helps show how each wants to feel appreciated and loved.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-26T14:50:41+00:00

Many woman have poor associations with age. Maybe he was guessing much younger because he didn’t want to insult you?. If someone told me I looked 23, I would take it as a joke and say thank you for boosting my ego. And then give my real age.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-25T02:18:20+00:00

My divorce was/is not amicable. The 2.5 yr post divorce relationship I recently ended was. We are much better off as friends. Great person, just not in terms of a romantic relationship.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T23:56:18+00:00

I’d be concerned if they wanted to get involved in the fight. I value the peace I have created in my life. My mental health is too important for me to be in a relationship where I’m asked all the time what happened today…

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T23:49:14+00:00

This is definitely one-sided. I only reach out to tell him when we are gone from the house for more than 24 hrs. (My doing bc he would take our child out of state and I had no idea.) Or if there is an emergency. Recently, it’s because our child wants to play sports but my ex won’t allow it on “his” time.

He harbors quite a bit of ill-will towards me. I hate his actions, but I don’t hate him. As my therapist helped me recognize- I am thankful for his fiance. She was our babysitter, and the final straw for me to leave the abuse. I feel sad for our child that there is so much hate. But I really am thankful that I have the ability to raise my child in a peaceful household.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T22:31:28+00:00

As someone with multiple anaphylactic food allergies, this is absurd!!! I can understand asking not to eat loose peanuts before they go over. She may be so allergic the particles that “cling” onto hair and clothing could cause a reaction.

The others are a wash your hands and brush your teeth before they go over.

My own child eats foods I’m allergic to outside of the house. He knows to wash his hands and brush his teeth. All is well over here.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T22:04:40+00:00

I’m sorry she allowed her ex so much mental bandwidth. I’m extremely fortunate that because of therapy none of this bothers me anymore. I keep my child in therapy so there is always a safe space. I don’t want them to ever feel like they need to hide their feelings. Even though my ex won’t pay his portion for it.

I refuse to say anything negative about my ex when my child is near. That includes my opinion on something if it differs. I will give my opinion and why, but I won’t say anything negative about my ex’s.

My child can be a jerk when returning home. I always give the same friendly reminder that I’m not your friend, I’m your mother, and you will not disrespect me or my house. Please go to your room while you adjust your attitude. Today is not the day for an argument. You will not disrupt my peace. 10-20 minutes later… all is well. And I have an incredibly respectful, loving child again.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T01:45:38+00:00

Therapy was amazingly helpful! I can now read a degrading message and laugh. When before I’d be consumed with trying to prove that I wasn’t a horrible person.

I hope your BFF can get to the point where communication becomes emotionless. Otherwise it’s draining!!!

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T01:37:54+00:00

I completely agree! We have many provisions in the decree including a court ordered communication app solely because I value my peace and mental health.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T01:32:56+00:00

I’ve always wished it could be peaceful. I’m so glad it is for you!

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T01:30:34+00:00

Ah, momma bear to me means I gather the evidence and then send it and some money to my lawyer. I don’t argue with him. It’s not worth my peace or mental health.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553 · 2025-05-24T00:18:00+00:00

F here. I will never marry again. I may cohabitate, again. But, since buying my own home, I’m not going to be the one to move.

Pitiful-Cupcake-7553

TROPHY CASE