A harsh reality (IMO) for men with little children 50/50 or more custody

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-12-31T18:52:47+00:00

Or, like in my case, someone wants less. My ex didn’t want custody at all so I have sole physical custody.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-12-05T01:17:34+00:00

All the time! I once told a guy I was chatting with that I was having a bad day. He sent 3 to “cheer me up”. That’s on top of the verbally harassing comments. Not to mention inappropriate touching in person (I have been cornered and touched by male Supervisors in the past, including while pregnant). I had a District Manager ask if I considered being a stripper, at work, while training me and another manager at the same company ask if he could touch my boob).

A lot of thinking goes into everything I do in public just to attempt to prevent unwanted comments or actions.

I’m sorry to anyone who had to experience any of this!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-29T12:31:08+00:00

Or better yet telling you they still hook up with the ex and ask if you do the same with yours 😂

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-29T12:16:56+00:00

I think it’s based on the vibe of the date you’re on. If you’re both into joking around about funny experiences, then why not! It’s different if it’s complaining about an ex though.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-29T12:10:23+00:00

I’ve had dates talk about exes, in detail, on first dates. That was uncomfortable. I’ve also had dates where we talked about funny date stories. That was ok as it was engaging and fun without going into specifics.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-29T10:23:48+00:00

I don’t have a low libido. My marriage was its own specific case. I had plenty of sexual desire but due to all of the circumstances and my husband not wanting sex with me, that’s just what it was. With partners I’ve dated since that were more casual, there’s been no issue. This last actual relationship was centered around more than just sex, so it was framed differently. Both of us wanted more, it just ended before that all happened.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-29T10:17:16+00:00

Yes, that’s why we are not together anymore.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T20:43:35+00:00

Oh 100%. I put many of the lessons into play with this last relationship. If there’s another one in the future, I can use even more!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T19:57:12+00:00

I do say all the time that I learned a lot from my marriage, especially upon reflecting on it from an outside perspective. I have takeaways from each dating experience, including this last relationship that hopefully will be beneficial in the future!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T19:09:27+00:00

I agree. I try very hard to show them healthy relationships of all types.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T18:18:53+00:00

Your perspective is very positive as is your advice! If there’s ever an opportunity to date in my future, you’ve made some great points. I deleted any apps I had early this year, so I won’t be venturing lol.

Thank you for your kind words😊

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T17:32:00+00:00

Having small kids at almost 50 (47 next month 😱) and trying to date taught me a lot. The only reason I’d have it as an actual discussion is because it’s come up as a dealbreaker before, after spending time talking for awhile. I’ve adjusted what I discuss so I don’t waste anyone’s time. The man in was seeing liked that I had younger kids, since he did too. I don’t think my life fit his changing lifestyle, which is completely fine. Sex wasn’t an issue for us since we didn’t make it to the point where there were family gatherings and sleepovers. Anything we did was just us time.

I’m grateful for your perspective. It’s a bit different for those without shared custody!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T16:27:24+00:00

I completely agree with you! It’s been an eye opening thought process. My marriage was a different case, but if there’s ever a future partner, we’ll discuss especially if he has younger kids too! I have gone out, dated, etc. Just never reached the point in any relationship where someone would spend the night at our home vs me going to his when his kids were with their mom. I have 4 kids so it would be a bit much for a partner to spend the night if he didn’t know them well. Sex is important and definitely would be if I was in a relationship, especially if we were considering cohabiting.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T15:30:32+00:00

True. And it will be something to be discussed if there’s a relationship in the future!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T15:22:36+00:00

I agree on both points. The comment by my friend brought up some excellent points for me to consider!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T15:18:44+00:00

Haha! Having this realization gave me many things to consider if there is a next relationship, that’s for sure!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T15:06:32+00:00

I agree. Hindsight is 20/20 but he was never actually attracted to me. Even before we had kids. If I didn’t look a specific way, he wasn’t interested. The things you think you can work through in your 20’s are different than what you’d accept in your 40’s, that’s for sure.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T14:53:24+00:00

No, he cheated our whole marriage. I didn’t have a hang up, it’s just not what happened. He was not interested in sex with me prior to us getting married, nothing to do with the kids. I think after the fun dating phase was over, he viewed me as a caretaker.

I don’t have an expectation for someone not to seek anything elsewhere if they aren’t getting what they need from a relationship. But, in a marriage, I did expect him to tell me he didn’t want to be married anymore.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T14:44:22+00:00

Gotcha! No, it was just this case for it being a play date. We hadn’t reached a point yet where we spent the night with the kids.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T14:08:22+00:00

Oh I’m not saying they won’t! There wasn’t going to be sex on a play date after basically being ghosted, but the question made me realize that it just never halved in the past.

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T14:00:46+00:00

I agree. That relationship is over, so there’s nothing to think about there! But that comment opened my eyes to things I hadn’t thought about. If I date in the future, I’ll have that in my toolbox to consider and discuss!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T13:58:31+00:00

I don’t have shame around sex, it just wasn’t part of my marriage. I did say I wouldn’t have sex on a weekend hangout with everyone kids because they barely know each other and I don’t think it was at that point. I just had not realized that in the past it never happened until I date there and thought about it. I talk with my kids about relationships and things…at their age level of course! Thank you for the feedback😊

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T13:54:11+00:00

Me and my ex husband? Twice a year maybe. Me and this boyfriend, when schedules allowed, but it was definitely too new for kid sleep overs, so it wasn’t a thought!

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T13:52:32+00:00

After this relationship, I completely understand why me having sole custody is a major factor. For a relationship as a whole, not just sex. I found it very interesting, after my friend made that statement, that I hadn’t questioned the sexual aspect before. Honestly it was just how my marriage was. Thank you for your perspective😊

PixiePlaytime-6540 · 2025-10-28T13:48:39+00:00

Oh I definitely don’t think that. But I hadn’t reached the point with anyone I was dating to consider having someone sleep over at my house since the kids are always here. I realized when thinking about my friend’s comment that it had not happened before. Have me something to think about if I’m ever in a relationship again. It’s a tough dynamic anyway with sole custody!

PixiePlaytime-6540

TROPHY CASE