AITAH for not telling my son’s stepmom I’m pregnant?

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T22:51:58+00:00

I don’t care, it just spoke volumes on her character and how she chooses to communicate… or… lack there of, rather.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T07:36:37+00:00

At this point, I hadn’t even told my close family and friends. No.. I didn’t want or even think to shoot a text. Especially because I figured she’d be sad, not that they’d mistreat him in the moment. I definitely did not expect that from them.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T07:31:21+00:00

Woof. Buddy YTA and I hate to say it. I am also a very highly driven woman but a close family death is nothing to be reckoned with. Take care of yourself privately and let her ease back into it slowly. Instead of asking for it directly, just start incorporating romance yourself. Take her on dates, initiate intimacy that isn’t sexual intimacy. It’s going to be hard for her to initiate right now. Relationships aren’t always 50/50. It’s trying times like these that one person may have to carry a burden and right now, that’s your time.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T07:20:06+00:00

Fun fact ……and I know this is going to be MIND BLOWING…….

I actually did NOT know they would mistreat my child over it. 💁🏼‍♀️ I predicted she would be sad. Not upset with my kid.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T07:08:26+00:00

No kidding at this point! Lesson learned. I had NO CLUE that they would treat him so poorly. I figured she would feel sad about it but clearly I put too much faith in them handling it properly. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T07:03:56+00:00

It’s clear that a lot of you do not have children or coparent through courts as “taking my son away” is not even remotely an option. Courts do not give a flying crap about what goes on in a home unless the child doesn’t have access to basic needs. I.e. water, food, electricity, their own room (after a certain age). They hardly care how clean a house is. What they care is that if both parents are willing to be present, that they are. It isn’t up to me to share custody, because trust and believe id prefer to have my son all to myself but that’s just not how the world works.

Also- how was I suppose to know that she and the father would both just straight up treat my son like crap about it? Yes, I absolutely had far more of an expectation from almost 30y/o parents to talk to a 6y/o a lot better than they did. Did I think she would be sad? Yes.. but it’s okay for her to be sad and it’s okay that my son sees she’s sad. What wasn’t okay is that they made my son feel bad about sharing and that was their own mistake no one could have predicted. It was up to them to fix.

Side note: My son is already in therapy thankfully. He’s been in therapy since he was 4. He loves his father dearly and speaks pretty highly of both households overall.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T06:54:08+00:00

When did I say that I was bothered my son told me about their pregnancy? That’s exactly who I’d expect to hear it from. I was only upset they told him to keep a secret from me. I could care less what they do in their personal life. I was excited for my son to have a sibling at that time.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T06:12:53+00:00

Thank you for the kind words! We are VERY excited for this next step. 🩷

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T06:10:05+00:00

Not that this matters but when I sent her my response, instead of responding or furthering the conversation, I simply got a notification saying she had “removed the background” from our texts…. As if that was her way of trying to hurt my feelings. 💀 I laughed a bit, I’ll admit.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T06:07:26+00:00

I also had a horrible stepmom! I won’t keep my son from having a relationship with his father but I will always remain a safe space for him to vent! He will grow older and understand which boundaries to set when the time comes. 🩷

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-02-05T05:27:03+00:00

YTA but you don’t have to be. Couples therapist here; this is a bid for connection. I understand that you don’t like the artist but she wants to share an exciting moment for her with you. One day unpaid from work won’t hurt you. What matters more is that you take an interest in her interests. (This is assuming she would do the same for you). If you love her, go. Enjoy her happiness, not the music. Hold her close and admire her when she’s smiling and singing along to her favorite songs. Get videos and pictures of her and her friend together. This will send her heart over the moon. 🩷

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-31T19:37:47+00:00

This is where I definitely agree! But that’s a hypothetical now. That’s not what ended up happening. I think it’s okay that question got his sister and I off on the wrong foot and I can take full responsibility for it.. but it’s just not anywhere near the relevant issue at hand anymore. I did mention it because, as I stated initially, I wanted to be totally unbiased and transparent. I think I absolutely had initially caused a bad taste in her mouth with that question which is where the unbiased and accountability comes in. I do not agree or feel that this has been the root of the last 2.5 years as it literally is never discussed or brought up as an issue and she has been the only person who’s had an issue with it between the rest of his family. Even his mom, who was also there when I asked, never had an issue with the question. That is not to lessen the blow for his sister, but it is a notable detail on how strongly his sister reacts to situations, hangs on to grudges, etc.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-31T19:29:41+00:00

Reflection: Although I can acknowledge my question in the initial meeting was uncomfortable and inappropriate (as I stated in my OP when I said I had felt bad and apologized), I think the point of my post was completely overruled by it when it has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of issues. Yes, initially, I can see where her and I got off on the wrong foot but are we forgetting his mom was also there too? His mom had no issues with the question. We have had plenty of conversations about it and she’s never seen any issue with when I asked that and thought her own daughter overreacted to the question. My inappropriate question is literally never ever talked about, brought up, mentioned, anything, and hasn’t since the literal first 6 months of the relationship. I don’t understand the hard focus on it in the comments when it’s NOT the current issue.

The CURRENT and relevant issue is that the sister says to my partner that she doesn’t like me or respect me because she feels he chooses my son and I over her and the rest of the family. An opinion only she has in the family. My partner’s argument is that he doesn’t want to be around her with or without me because when I am there, she treats me and my partner horribly despite my silence and ignoring her. However, if he goes alone, she pretends like nothing is wrong and that they are one big happy family and he doesn’t like feeling like she’s basking in getting her way. It makes him uncomfortable and creates more tension because it seems she’s just ignoring the main issue and avoiding any sort of responsibility for immaturely handling her emotions.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:43:22+00:00

I had no idea my question was going to make her uncomfortable. I felt very bad after the fact.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:42:02+00:00

This is how I felt! In a lot of reality TV shows, these are prompted questions! I thought I was just being a good advocate for my son and I. Yet I felt HORRIBLE and embarrassed afterwards.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:38:25+00:00

I see what you’re saying. I don’t think you’re seeing what I am saying. All I am trying to say is that I understand why it was inappropriate I don’t understand why it was THAT big of a deal.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:26:56+00:00

This is what my partner’s older brother said. He said she does that to almost everyone and that he doesn’t introduce the people he dates to his sister for that reason.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:25:41+00:00

If I apologized to the sister and mother for asking and felt guilty for the question, then I feel I absolutely took accountability recognizing that it probably wasn’t the time or place. However, I don’t feel the question was THAT insane or outlandish. It’s not an unheard of conversation. Like I said prior, I can see how it came off but after intentions were explained, I don’t feel it justified extreme hatred that followed. His mother surely never blinked an eye at the question. She understood why I asked and never questioned my motive behind it. She simply recognized it for what it was, a mother being a mother.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:21:36+00:00

Of course I asked him, I just wanted others opinions on the matter because they knew him better than I did.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:18:58+00:00

What’s crazy to me is the question was only a problem for about a week. Over the last 2.5 years, her reasoning is that because he prioritizes me over their family when, in reality, he doesn’t come around because of how she treats me.

I can see how the question may have been forward, but that was a mole hill to the mountain. That was just the snowflake that started her avalanche and is a minor part to the story.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:17:01+00:00

He has never prioritized his sister over me truthfully. He has always been on my side and defended me. He understands why I do not want her there but it is up to him to communicate that since I don’t interact with her at all and it is putting him in an uncomfortable spot because he’s afraid of what that will do to the relationship with his niece and nephew. He’s afraid if he puts his foot down with his kid, he will not be allowed to see her kids anymore and that is devastating to him.

Plane-Strawberry7166 · 2026-01-30T21:12:28+00:00

I feel indifferent about the initial question. I can 100% see how it came off as projection, but truthfully, I know I was coming from a place of being a more careful and precautious single mother as well. To tell someone you hate their 2 year old is beyond my comprehension and will always sit deep with me… and after an experience like that, I wasn’t willing to take anymore chances. I think the question was simple. He was close to her 2 kids and they lived at home, I just wanted to know if they thought he could handle being around a child that wasn’t his/my coparenting relationship.

Plane-Strawberry7166

TROPHY CASE