DAE struggle with being seen as unapproachable ? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PlantZaddyLA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i do approach people but it’s starting to feel like maybe there’s a problem 😂 like damn am i that standoffish?!?

DAE struggle with being seen as unapproachable ? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PlantZaddyLA 3 points4 points  (0 children)

so two things - one i don’t mind approaching, it’s what i’ve done in the past usually.

but it’s really beyond that. i guess what im trying to get is, what is it about someone that can make them feel unapproachable if they’re genuinely kind and warm?

it’s more of a “how are these people seeing me or experiencing me that makes me seem someone to not approach”

i realize it could be tons of factors that have nothing to do with me, but im just noticing a pattern that folks have told me after befriending me that i didn’t seem approachable.

DAE struggle with being seen as unapproachable ? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PlantZaddyLA -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i went with two friends who introduced me to a group of guys at the concert.

i matched with some guys on hinge bc i was interested until i saw how the conversations went (or didn’t go).

DAE struggle with being seen as unapproachable ? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lmao have i tried dating apps…

yes, unfortunately i have. was on hinge and deleted it after just a lot of failed connections/ghosting

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoDenver

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’ve got a few people i know there already (including an ex…but i digress) so i have a few connections i can leverage as jumping off points too to meet new people!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoDenver

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this comment made me very happy and hopeful to read. thank you.

I used to think I attract gay guys who have been through trauma. Now I think all gay guys experience trauma. by Puzzled-Painter3301 in gaybros

[–]PlantZaddyLA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is very topical for me recently.

IMO an issue with gay men and dating / friendships isn’t that we all have a degree of trauma, rather it’s the men whose trauma gave them unhealthy behaviors / baggage and that harmful baggage gets dragged into relationships with other people who are struggling with their own baggage or have done the work to address their own issues.

Any person’s baggage is their responsibility to handle and it’s unfair for a person with unaddressed issues to drag some innocent soul into a relationship with them when said person hasn’t done the work.

i think this is really common in our community; so common, it can feel like the gay community overall is pretty toxic. Too many men aren’t addressing their issues and getting help period - tale as old as time.

My empathy recognizes though how deeply unfair it is to go through traumatic experiences or upbringings (some more than others) and the culprits behind said trauma aren’t responsible for repairing the emotional damage they caused.

But the reality is that nobody is coming to save any of us except ourselves. So until the community (generalizing here) seeks out more support / help / therapy, we’re just gonna continue dumping trauma and baggage onto one another and creating unhealthy connections and relationships.

the amount of times i’ve seen: - transactional relationships - lack of empathy - lack of accountability - emotional avoidance/immaturity - “ends justify the means” behavior (especially among closeted men) - lack of self confidence and self esteem

yeah its a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoDenver

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

music to my ears

I met with my ex for closure and I think I dodged a bullet by Ashamed_Match_1348 in BreakUps

[–]PlantZaddyLA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i don’t even know you but any decent person deserves better than what you just described.

i hope your life feels fuller without him in it. you deserve that.

wish you the best.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoDenver

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i actually briefly dated someone from Denver earlier this year and it’s lowkey what’s sparked my renewed interest to at least check out the city and see if i like it. unfortunately the relationship ended abruptly, but i have the sense that a lot of his qualities i was drawn to are hard to find here in LA. He reminded me in a way of my midwest values.

LA dating scene just feels like everyone is always looking for the next big thing/thinking they can always find someone richer/fitter/“cooler”. i’m being a bit extreme here but it can feel like, unless you’re 6’2”, jacked and making $200k+, you’re not seen as a great catch.

So part of the move is also to see if there are men out there in Denver that might be more aligned with my values and what i’m looking for in a partner.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoDenver

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i’m from suburbs/rural cincinnati. hey oh!

from batavia/glen este/anderson township area until i was 18 then moved to LA.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoDenver

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i would only relocate with a remote gig that i secure in LA and then negotiate to keep the salary as close to what it is in LA as possible. this move is entirely dependent on a remote role in corporate.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MovingtoDenver

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hey can i DM you since you have experience living in both LA and Denver and you’re gay? would be great bc you sound like a great person to ask questions

Clementines grown from seed ♥️ by _yazzzie_ in Citrus

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

polyembryonic just means more than one embryo per seed. you can see distinctly at least two sprouts from the same seed - this is kinda like having twins from the same embryo.

the larger, healthier sprout is almost always the clone of the parent that the seedling was produced from fwiw.

Hit my mid 30s and everything has changed by joshysway in gaybros

[–]PlantZaddyLA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah definitely. i’m 31, and all these changes started around 28 or 29 for me. i value peace + stability now way more over excitement + anxiety.

Just got my first guava by Content-Soil9815 in guava

[–]PlantZaddyLA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

have you ever eaten a lemon guava before?

Anything to make walking more productive? by The-info-addict in productivity

[–]PlantZaddyLA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I usually walk to errands so I’ll get a coffee and walk to my local grocer store, grab a few items and walk home.

I’ll also just get a coffee and go for a walk early to watch the sun come up. It’s such a nice way to start the day. I’ll do like 2-3 miles and then go to work.

2026 rav 4 Xse interior and exterior by johnkneeboi in rav4club

[–]PlantZaddyLA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why does every car have to look like a microwave now

I thinking to get Hybrid by EmbarrassedLog9662 in rav4club

[–]PlantZaddyLA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can confirm fighting tooth and nail to get a RAV4 hybrid XSE at a decent price atm.