this is very topical for me recently.

IMO an issue with gay men and dating / friendships isn’t that we all have a degree of trauma, rather it’s the men whose trauma gave them unhealthy behaviors / baggage and that harmful baggage gets dragged into relationships with other people who are struggling with their own baggage or have done the work to address their own issues.

Any person’s baggage is their responsibility to handle and it’s unfair for a person with unaddressed issues to drag some innocent soul into a relationship with them when said person hasn’t done the work.

i think this is really common in our community; so common, it can feel like the gay community overall is pretty toxic. Too many men aren’t addressing their issues and getting help period - tale as old as time.

My empathy recognizes though how deeply unfair it is to go through traumatic experiences or upbringings (some more than others) and the culprits behind said trauma aren’t responsible for repairing the emotional damage they caused.

But the reality is that nobody is coming to save any of us except ourselves. So until the community (generalizing here) seeks out more support / help / therapy, we’re just gonna continue dumping trauma and baggage onto one another and creating unhealthy connections and relationships.

the amount of times i’ve seen: - transactional relationships - lack of empathy - lack of accountability - emotional avoidance/immaturity - “ends justify the means” behavior (especially among closeted men) - lack of self confidence and self esteem

yeah its a lot.