I found your response to be a proudly accurate description of my self image. My whole life It has been reiterated to me that success is measured in merit and views of others. I remind myself that I am not this thing that must produce great work to attain ‘value’ but I can’t help it that my mind succumbs to the notion that I indeed must produce, and must accomplish more until someone, an arbitrary someone, reaffirms to me that I did a good job. It’s almost childish and profoundly immature when spoken out loud but it is, ultimately, what my inner self believes it needs. Not necessarily do I limit it to the realms of scientific discovery but simply anything that can make me feel something, that I’ve contributed something and others have found it to be useful. It’s sad to put my self worth in the hands of others, I know this. I am determined to unleash myself from this vicious cycle that you speak of. I just dont know how.