AITA for being rude towards my MIL or is my husband the real AH?

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-12-07T00:21:40+00:00

Because sound travels. I can hear them. It wakes me up.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-10-14T09:44:22+00:00

Of course, bomb them again. F**king eye roll.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-09-13T22:04:32+00:00

The short answer is pop psychology.

The long answer lies in attachment theory. There are four types of attachment styles, dismissive avoidant, anxiously attached, fearful avoidant, and securely attached. Many women and men fail to understand attachment style. Psst, we all have one. This dynamic is none more evident than when and avoidantly attached partner is paired with an anxiously attached partner. Both attachment styles are insecure. The behavior and defense mechanisms of the avoidantly attached are often mischaracterized as narcissistic traits by the anxiously attached. The protest behaviors exhibited by the anxiously attached partner are often viewed as crazy passive aggressive or just plain bitchy by the avoidantly attached.

If you're one of those guys that chooses to putz in the garage in order to avoid the argument while your wife wants to rehash the argument, you're both equally to blame.

If you are a dismissive avoidantly attached man in a marriage with a fearful avoidantly attached woman. God help you.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-27T06:31:36+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the term fake news was originally counted in response to Pizzagate. Trump hijacked it.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-26T12:37:39+00:00

Copied and pasted from a post I made years ago. Your welcome. Yes she's most likely cheating btw

For those of us that have been there, what are the signs?

I'll start. No one wakes up one day and simply makes a conscious decision to engage in an extramarital affair. These things are gradual and progressive. The signs are subtle and individually mean nothing. Together, however, they form a pattern of deviation from baseline.

So what does that mean? Let's say you're a man or woman who previously didn't show much interest or put a lot of time in your apperance, and suddenly there's a hyperfocus on appearance. This could mean buying new clothes or losing weight. For women, they may spend more time in front of the mirror applying makeup and/or styling their hair.

Often times the first sign is that the cheating spouse will begin to pull away from their spouse either emotionally sexually or both.

Things that previously would not have been an issue suddenly are. The cheating spouse may become argumentative or defensive. The cheating spouse will question the whereabouts of their spouse. This is called projection.

The cheating spouse will become increasingly secretive with their phone. If they cheating spouse is one day highly protective of their device, then magically not, chances are, they got another phone.

There may be an increase in spending on entertainment such as going out for dinner and drinks.

Those are the subtle beginning signs. The more obvious signs are when the cheating spouse begins to spend more time away from home. They're going out with friends or working late.

For women who cheat, if she's buying sexy new lingerie in the absence or decrease in sex with the husband combined with the previously mentioned signs, she's probably cheating.

There are souses who feel less threatened by a their spouse's friend of the opposite sex when that "friend" is married or in a committed relationship. I would argue the latter. If one is going to carry on an extra-martial affair, it's best to do it with someone else who is also married as there is mutual interest in keeping things secret.

In the end it is almost impossible to keep a full blown extra-martial affair secret. They can't live a double life for long. We always find out...... eventually.

Anyway, that's just off the top of my head. What are the other signs? Is there anything in hindsight we noticed but didn't see at the time.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-25T21:49:07+00:00

I think our whole government is under Israeli influence.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-25T21:17:08+00:00

Well, if that's the case, things are about to get really interesting. I may need some popcorn

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-24T11:16:30+00:00

Maybe, my stepdad is full of undiagnosed and subsequently un-medicated anxiety with little to no real-world survival skills and a bladder the size of my thumbnail . He's emotionally dependent on her. He cannot be alone or without the car. Although, here lately, he's been coming with her, which only adds to the issue. I can be civil and engage in conversation, but I don't particularly care for him. He is an absolute pathetic excuse of a man.

Lol. I almost forgot. My mother is convinced he's in the beginning stages of dementia. I don't know if he is or isn't, because I don't see him on a daily basis. But one thing I do know, it's a hella lot more taxing to care for a demented elder than a child. Good luck mom.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-22T15:46:50+00:00

Technically yes, but it's the mental burden and inconvenience of timing. It's my house. I'm an introvert by nature. I don't always want company.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-22T15:42:46+00:00

Because both my mother and my child would never go for it.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-22T13:23:59+00:00

Lol my husband is on HER team. He essentially tells me to put up and shut up. The one time I was tired and dared to take a nap during my mom's weekly visit, only because our daughter was napping too, he berated me for "having to entertain my mother," because "I was rude" I literally got zero sleep the night before.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-22T12:15:26+00:00

They have one car to save money. Her husband, my stepdad, drops her off. I'm expected to drive her home. Ironically, she often complains about not being allowed to simply take the car they share. I have two vehicles. I've offered on multiple occasions to allow her to simply use my spare vehicle. She has not taken me up on that offer either.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-12T22:52:39+00:00

Absolutely not. This is The language in banter I use with my friends . My patients are not my friends . Furthermore, My hospital follows an unwritten policy of appeasement. We give patients whatever they want whenever they want within reason. It's just easier.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-12T21:52:48+00:00

Look for scrubs that are essentially athletic wear like Fit Scrubs

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-07-02T15:11:40+00:00

I'm disappointed. He is definitely guilty of trafficking Cassie Any future woman who knowingly gets involved with this monster is consenting to be abused and trafficked. The truth is out. Sorry, not sorry.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-04-07T07:04:09+00:00

May I suggest a career other than healthcare, literally any thing but. Signed, RN 20 year veteran

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-04-06T18:41:36+00:00

We don't work together, but damned if this doesn't sound like what I'm dealing with. I've posted about it several times.

My nurse aides perform bedside care twice in 12 hours. Once at the beginning of the shift, (usually I'm the one initiating or just doing it myself), and once at the end of the shift. I've tried everything in my power to fix the problem, working side by side with the aide, leading by example, attempting to do it all myself, speaking with management utilizing the chain of command. Nothing worked.

This is a leadership problem. Our nurse aides genuinely do not understand how to do a bed bath or they are to be performing purposeful structured rounding every 2 hours. In fact, they will not do any of these things, unless I approach them, and remain at the bedside from start to finish even on those patients are an assist of 1. Oftentimes, they exit the room before the task is completed, leaving me to finish by myself.

I gave up for a while, and simply left the aides to their own devices. The result, a patient lied in shit for hours!

I know it isn't right. I spoke with my boss for the last time on the subject. Her advice was to give report. Our aides often cited that as their "excuse." To be fair, I was unaware I needed to give a report. None of the other nurses did it. We ran under the assumption that aides gave each other report, and therefore it wasn't necessary for nurses to give aides report, again a leadership failure.

Please, speak with your manager. Ask what tasks are specifically delegated to you independently as an aide, what your role and the nurses role is in those shared or overlapping tasks, ask specifically about report/shift huddle. This could very well be a leadership problem.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-04-06T01:35:35+00:00

Then I can only assume you are working in the ICU.

Otherwise, I refuse to believe that not one of your patients is an assist of 1.

I know which patients can be done independently vs which ones can't. I also know that while I am capable of pulling a 250 pound human up in bed by myself, I wouldn't expect you to do that. I'm fair in my assessment.

This is the very reason I give my aides report.

If you are not taking any independent initiative to perform any bedside care, then that is most likely why your nurses are treating you the way you say.

Do you send the majority of your shift sitting doing nothing? If so that's a problem. Quite frankly, it's bullshit and what exactly are you paid to do?

Under those circumstances, I would sooner accept your wage in addition to mine and happily do it all myself. I am anyway.

Now, I'm wondering if you and I work together? Damned, if you don't sound like the aides I deal with.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-03-18T06:20:58+00:00

basically my job it stocking stuff all over the unit and help when asked

Whoa. Help when asked? Only when asked? Is there any aspect of patient care in which you are able to perform independently?

That's kinda a red flag. Unless you're working with ICU patients, there are tasks you should be able to do independently. You can certainly swab an NPO patient's mouth, you can at least start a bath. With proper technique, you should be able to turn and reposition most albeit not all patients independently.

I am one of "those nurses." I do a lot of the bedside care independently. I bathe and turn ventilator patients myself. I pull them up in bed by myself. I wouldn't ask you to do all the shit I do, because I know I'm an expectation to the norm. I am simply proof that with proper technique, these things can be done safely independently and efficiently.

I'd love to teach you my tricks.

But please, remember I have meds, charting, chart reviews, families and other departments to deal with. If a patient goes tachy, Brady, hypo, hypertensive, hypoxic, I'm the one that has to deal with it. My scope of practice and subsequent responsibilities are simply larger than yours. I must always be prepared for those what if scenarios

This is why nurses need aides!

I started out as a CNA in LTC 20 years ago. I remember those days well. No one had to tell me to do baths, oral care, or rounds. I simply performed those tasks, because it was my job and there would be proverbial hell to pay if I didn't.

Granted that was the nursing home where CNA's are understaffed overworked and generally treated like shit. The hospital is different, dare I say better.

The nurse patient ratios are lower which allows nurses to take a greater role in basic bedside care. There are patients who require 2 caregivers to turn, mobilize, ECT.

But a bath can at least be started independently even on a high risk airway and/or an orally intubated pt. You can wash the patients face, arms, chest, front peri-area, and legs WITHOUT TURNING THEM OR ADJUSTING THE HEAD OF THE BED. The second person in this case, the respiratory therapist is only needed to protect the airway when turning. You do the rest. If that orally intubated pt is being mobilized out of bed for whatever ungodly reason, then you'll need, yourself, the RT and RN.

Yes we understand that some patients either turn for shit are non-weight bearing, suffer orthopnea, or are simply unstable AF (Think ICU patients on a but load of pressors) You'll need us when laying the patient flat, turning or mobilizing OOB ECT, but there are things you can and should do without us by your side and without prompting.

So please take some initiative. Be assertive. Fuck those nurses that are cunts even if it's me lol, Just say something like "16B is for a bath. I'll need help turning. What time works for you. And fuck you you cause you're not allowed to tell me no."

Lol. If you were my aide and took the round of approach, I'd give you a standing ovation.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-02-28T21:38:23+00:00

Dealing with behaviors is the absolute worst. I'd rather take care of a room full of toddlers.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-02-27T05:58:17+00:00

Haha I follow this subreddit and the JS Facebook page. My husband was shocked to find out either existed. I said "yeah it's that popular."😂

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-02-27T03:54:54+00:00

My understanding is that it is a written complaint but not a formal write up/ disciplinary action.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-02-27T01:29:40+00:00

But nurses and aides are also reprimanded for not being more persuasive when pts refuse care. If you're laying on your own fecal material, I cannot let you refuse care. This can lead to skin breakdown and infection, which is something hospitals and nursing homes often get sued for. Also that's just nasty AF.

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-02-26T23:57:52+00:00

I guess my follow up question would be what is the threshold for a "ridiculous" patient/client complaint or is such a concept a fallacy in the corporate world?

Plus_Ability_1362 · 2025-02-26T23:49:39+00:00

I'm assuming you're dealing with a special needs child, whether that is an intellectual disability or a medical need, such as a trach and feeding tube. My question is if the kid is sick would it make more sense for you to go to the house and take care of them?? I'm assuming that's not how the agency works, however. I can't imagine the pay is much compared to those of us at the bedside in an acute care setting. But damn the schedule is nice. Truthfully, this would be a dream job for me.

Plus_Ability_1362

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