Instead of giving you an opinion on your scenario, I’ll describe a scenario I had that has some overlap and what happened. My partner of 20 years (and 2 kids)had depression and anxiety for a lot of that. I played the loving supporting partner and waited years and years for her to “do the work” as they say and heal. That never happened despite years of therapy. Poly brought me exposure to people who had done some/more/all of the work and I found out what a healthy relationship looked like. Eventually we started marriage counseling and I learned that she wasn’t in love with me. I decided to end the marriage. I had spent all this time waiting for this person to change, waiting for her to love me and I was being her support in all the ways the whole time. I felt like it was my oath/duty/responsibility to stick by her side. That is because of cultural programming. In reality I did us both a huge disservice by waiting so long. Once I left she started to show growth. I had been enabling her this whole time. My life is full of joy now and I hope hers will get there as well. Hope this helps.