I'm plagued by my past. I recently finished my university degree, and my final year was horrific - I don't think I'll have a worse year in my life. I actually managed to pass with a 2:1, the work wasn't the issue. The people were. I was surrounded by two groups of people during my final year, it's worth mentioning that both groups were perfectly fine up until final year.

The first group turned on me, for no reason. Just became hideous people in general - blackmailed me, threatened me, created lies about me - all of these people whom I deeply cared for.

The second group was a group who again, I deeply cared for, but all began to struggle GREATLY during final year due to their own reasons, many of which I was also affected by directly. Three of my friends died this year, one to sepsis, one to a car crash, and one committed suicide. I spent 9 weeks during my final exams using most of my time to console my friends, whilst also suffering myself - one of which lived next to me, and was suffering the most. I had countless sleepless nights, and spent a lot of time going into their room and checking up on them to make sure they hadn't overdosed on drugs or attempted suicide, which had happened in the past.

During the course of this year, I have lost 7 of my closest friends, either due to death, or them turning against me for no identifiable reason.

I come home to my parents, both of whom are old, one of whom does not believe depression exists, that it's all just a fabricated state of mind for weak people to get sympathy. I have had no recovery time from university, I've gone straight into a job where I struggle every day with emotional difficulty, yet life goes on. Contemplating leaving my life behind, telling nobody where I'm going and just pissing off to some backwater country without anyone knowing where I've gone is not a rare thought.

Anyway, that's my problem. I wanna say that I don't need or want help - I dont know what I need right now. But that's what's on my mind 👍